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NIGHTMARE LANDS

NIGHTMARE LANDS

I close my eyes and the light fades away.
Breathing deep to calm my mind.
Drifting beyond the affliction filled day.
Searching for relaxation to finally unwind...

For a moment no thoughts do I see.
And no quandaries to contemplate.
Just as serenity begins to pass over me.
I sense the darkness possessed with Hate...

A hint of panic, my eyes flash wide.
Within seconds my sight was gone.
The mist flowed in and my vision denied.
An eerie feeling that I don't belong...

Just as quick as my sight was skewed.
The mist revealed the moonlit land.
Cringing at the blood soaked view.
Terror stricken as I quickly scanned...

Recurrence of this Hellish place.
What brings me back here again.
Dreading the horrors I must face.
Knowing the slaughter will soon begin...

Never playing out exactly the same.
So many times I've been here before.
Just a pawn in a demented game.
Each time the story revealing more...

The castle in the west where the undead reside.
An Evil presence enshrouded with gore.
A blackish liquid oozing down each side.
Feeding the moat like a hungry whore...

The Hawk and the Babe

I am that hawk of gold.
Proud in adamantine poise
On the pillars of torqoise,
See,beyond the starry fold,
Where a darkling orb is rolled.

There, beneath a grove of yew,
Plays a babe. Should I despise
Such a foam of gold, and eyes
Burning beryline, so blue
That the sun seems peeping through?

Did I swwop, were Heaven amazed?
With my beak I strike but once;
Out there leap a million suns.
Through the universe that blazed
Screams theit light, and death is dazed.

In my womb the babe may leap;
Seek him not within my eye!
Nor demand thou of me why
I should plunge from crystal steep
Like a plummet to the deep!

See yon solitary star!
What a world of blackness wraps
Round it! Unimagined gaps!
Let it be! Content thy car
With the voyage to things that are!

Nor, an thou perchance behold
How I plunge and batten on
Earth's exentrate carrion,
Deem torquoise match midden-mould
Or deny the Hawk of Gold!

Never

NEVER
I was looking back on my life
And all the things I've done to me
I'm still looking for the answers
I'm still searching for the key
The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me
It just won't leave me alone
I still find it all a mystery
Could it be a dream?
The Road To Nowhere leads to me
Through all the happiness and sorrow
I guess I'd do it all again
Live for today and not tomorrow
It's still the road that never ends
The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me
It just won't leave me alone
I still find it all a mystery
Could it be a dream?
The Road To Nowhere leads to me
Ah Ah
The Road To Nowhere I gonna pass me by
Ah Ah
I hope the never have to say goodbye
I never want to live without you

 

Turning Away

Turning Away

 

What is happening with my life
What I was trying to find
Why did I waste all this time
I am going to end these troubles tonight
But the bird has lost his way
All his friends have flown away
Some are immersed in an inane race
While the others are seeking a new place
I cannot focus my brain
I will simply watch the passing trains
The people so averse to take a breath
Happily running towards their death
I have no angel to embrace
Or the things I wish to chase
I will simply walk down that lane
Just to calm my puzzling brain
But all I find is the kids in the rain
Foolishly risking their health for no gain
Without any negative worries or shame
A predicament and a God to blame
But aren’t all the creatures the same
A basic nature before they are tame
Far before my thoughts scattered away
Before my demons lead me astray
I remember I danced in my coldest days
So the days would ever be the same
Will I ever feel that life is a game
Will I ever obtain that glistening face
A distant glimmer that I wished to chase
Now I walk down the same lane
The puzzling brain that I sustain
The reigning demons that I constrain
For a vigorous kid who once danced in that rain 

I'm the one who knows

I'm the one who knows

 

Holding on to your past,
Trying to live your life through,
Lingering moments of fun and laughter,
Doesn't appease you,
You try to merge with the crowd,
But never let yourself go,
As every time you are lost in thoughts,
The pain of longing shows....
And I'm the one who knows.
You try to shut yourself out
But just cannot succeed,
For very little happening is.....
A reminder of the one you miss.
Wishing to defy the forces of life,
Your soul aches to be free,
To join the one you loved so dear
Who is your sweet memory.
It's a feeling hard to describe,
As loneliness continues to grow....
Searching and seeking the time gone by,
One who is hurt such knows.
Yes,I'm the only one who knows!! 

Eternal

ETERNAL

 

I am still thinking
What kind of risk
Am I taking?
Will I fail?
Or will true love
Prevail?

My sweet piece of heaven
This heart cannot take it
But I have fallen
I feel so silly
I'll be yours truly
For all eternity
Through thick
Through thin
Together we have
The ability
To be infinity
Forever and always
Love for all days
My soul is screaming
I must have been dreaming
I can almost feel you breathing
I am awake every night
Looking for the light
But it has been here
In front of my face
I cannot believe it
My heart is set to race
Whenever I see you
I need to embrace
I know that I am ready
After going steady
To give you everything
Even perhaps
Longevity.

Passion in her eyes
Trying to hypnotise
Please do not apologise
If only you would recognise
That I cannot disguise
You give me butterflies
Every fiber of my being is in love with you
To you I will always be true
Your very presence
Has lit a fire in my heart
I shall need an audience
To show my love as an art
Well now I have done my part
With this rhyme
Maybe it is time
For the arrow of love
Coming from above
To show you clearly
That I love you dearly
It is in plain sight
So try not to fight
My passion is forever
Through this endeavour
Trying to find
The perfect one
Before my time is done

My only hope was to convey
You're my one and only true love If I had one wish
Except for a kiss
It would be
After this
Please do not say
Farewell,

I will be forever yours

My Last Wish (2002)

 

My Last Wish

 

All the wishes I made about you were so wrong
Or the lyrics I sang to every lonely sad song
Or the tears I cried should have never fell
I shouldn't have ever put you before myself

All the nights I stayed up just to be on your mind
All the pain and heartache was just a waste of time
I'll never get back all that I've given to you
And my hearts scarred from the things you do

You bring me more sadness that anything more
Your kisses are sweet but they leave me too sore
Your smile rarely reveals it's self ever to me
Only the times I've been in pain that you've seen

Your words are lies that I always foolishly believe
You're the pain in my side, an incurable disease
You're the one person that's made me change
And I can't get my life to go back to the same

I'll never really trust anyone anymore no matter who
I'll never feel the same about someone as I did you
The anger inside my heart will forever be fuelled
Because how could I ever forget all that you did was cruel

This story was never meant to have a happy end
It's too broken and tattered now far beyond mend
It'll never be fixed because I cant do it on my own
And I know now, that I'll never be hurt if I'm alone

So many wishes that I know I spoke all wrong
Too many tears I've cried to each sad song
But now the one last wish that I want to come true
Is the wish that I never met you..

to drive

 

                                                                                                              The Drive




Looking on as I pass by, I wonder what your thoughts are? To know would change the fate of it all. Post no haste life is slow. I want to know all of you. All the types of you. To feel what it's like inside you. Wanting to know if you noticed me, I want to feel your soul and all its arcane emotions.

 

the river of life

The River Of Life

 

The more we live, more brief appear
Our life's succeeding stages;
A day to childhood seems a year,
And years like passing ages.

The gladsome current of our youth,
Ere passion yet disorders,
Steals lingering like a river smooth
Along its grassy borders.

But as the careworn cheek grows wan,
And sorrow's shafts fly thicker,
Ye stars, that measure life to man,
Why seem your courses quicker?

When joys have lost their bloom and breath,
And life itself is vapid,
Why, as we reach the Falls of Death
Feel we its tide more rapid?

It may be strange—yet who would change
Time's course to slower speeding,
When one by one our friends have gone,
And left our bosoms bleeding?

Heaven gives our years of fading strength
Indemnifying fleetness;
And those of youth, a seeming length,
Proportion'd to their sweetness.

Hopeless monday

Hopeless Monday

 

There is a longing you feel
To know the whole universe
All of its secrets
All of its flaws
Everything
You think about it and wonder if it feels light or heavy
Or maybe even a paradoxical combination of both
But you will never know
Because you do not realize that you are the entire universe
You are all of its flaws
All of its beauties
All of its secrets, all of its wisdom
You are everything and everything is you
You are forever
And you need to be loved
Just as everything and everyone else needs love to survive

Look at the clouds above your home
Notice the way water forms differently on every single surface
Muster every single detail
Increase your awareness
And you will soon discover the secrets of the universe
And if you are feeling sad and quiet turn to your soul and acknowledge your humanness
Love your human nature
Realize it is precious and valuable
You do this and you will feel the soft and kind hand of the universe on your shoulder
You will feel its presence within you
And you'll look down at yourself laying and feeling hurt and hopeless
Slowly holding on to old feelings and new times
You will realize it is time to leave
So you go and you write as you feel that familiar ache all over your body
Resonating from deep within every single corner of your heart and soul

You glance outside of your window and see the green of the trees and revel in their magnificence and beauty
And in that moment you realize how immaculate existence is
So you take a deep breath as you take it all in
Your thoughts are very much alive and pulsating
And your arms tingle and your soul emits strong and powerful waves of unadulterated passion from within
Joy waits at your fingertips as you reach softly
You constantly taste past times of pain and hurt on your tongue
Violently brushing your teeth every night in hopes it will go away
But it is always there and may go away at times but it always comes back
A constant reminder of who you are and what you have come from

Sometimes when you walk your feet feel old and you think about how you haven't even lived an entire lifetime yet so how on earth can you feel so tired?
You wonder when you will actually stop waiting
When a strong ocean wind will knock you over
Cold and hard
And you'll gaze ahead of you with bleary eyes
Your head still in a state of shock
And you'll come closer and closer to the reason that was dug out from the deepest part of your insides
Until everything feels soft and you can stand again
And you'll look to the sky and forget all of the pain
And a small touch of hope will be born upon a tiny spot on the surface of your heart
Beating hard and lovely and powerful

You think of the rain and how it falls completely
You think about how you exist and how it is okay there is no more innocence and just as much loneliness
You realize you've got to keep your dreams alive
You are thinking quietly
Your thoughts are kissing the walls of your mind carefully
"Oh, how beautiful it is to be alive and aware!"
You say in your head
And you wish to meet your perfect heart in the stars
And feel all of the care and warmth as certain waves of truth and ardor crash into you
A tree of sure sadness looks down upon you
Saying you are clean and new and beautiful
And that
It is okay if you do not spend the majority of your days feeling sad and lost and lonely
Until a quiet reverie born from stardust clouds your mind
You feel the secret tingling on the outer parts of your mouth
And things are better and you feel closer
You are no longer searching
And words have always been a dear friend
You are able to realize that now
You used to be broken
For a long, long time
So of course it is going to be extremely difficult getting used to life without being broken beyond repair
A part of you will always be broken
You know that and you are okay with it
Finally you embrace it
There is an ease and comfort with the going of sorrow
And you wonder
How it can feel so wonderful when your bones are free and you feel happy in the deepest part of you
Because really, what are you doing?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING???
You are living and that is all
You are embracing life and all that you feel and it is okay and when it comes down to it, you really do love it
But sometimes your mind refuses to hear that
It shuts itself off from everything and all you can do is guess for why it happens like this
So you take those two horrid
But so essential
White pills
And you sleep and sleep
Never awakening until your alarm sounds
And your lids open
And your lips bring in fresh air to your lungs
Your mind and your heart are engulfed in peace and never are they apart
Together they are one with your soul
The sunlight starts to kiss your face and you start to think about the years you have been living
And how the voice inside of you has changed over those years and the ways it has touched your life

So here you are listening to music
Lonely and sweet
With a strange feeling in your chest as your stomach rests lightly on the surface of your bed
Barely moving, your hand somehow knows how to write without your mind really thinking
You have always held your pen tightly and a lot of great and loving and bright words are capable of surfacing
Maybe differently than before
But even so
Your veins still continuously pump blood throughout your body

You get up out of bed and stagger into your bathroom where you stare into the mirror and know you are supposed to see yourself staring right back but really
You see nothing
All the while knowing your face is sober looking
And your skin is browned and soothing with the beauty of summer's presence hard and golden on your surface
Feeling crazy, your eyes are locked to a spot consisting of nothingness
Void of any control
In a realm that is almost reaching fantasy
Tingling and alluring
So you look for the window
But then it is gone and you feel an aching that gets stronger as the walls close in on you
And you notice the kisses full of blood that set the earth on fire
And you breathe with fear as death sits on your windowsill
Should you reach for it or push it away?
To die or to help this weak and troublesome girl who is far too used to living in darkness and not only asks for but needs trust?

The leaves on the trees don't stay dead forever
Open your mind and your heart and drift away
Far, far away
Your soul lives and exists in every realm of consciousness
You are safe
Even as your secrets build like smoke
Like wandering rays beating down strong upon you
Conquering your emptiness instead of all of the happy thoughts that reside and are inevitably known and lovely and consisting of everything except for unwanted goodbyes
Your heart shines on what it needs
Easy and lovely
And mostly, it has it
Your heart is the sun that shines on his face and makes his own heart race in perfect synchronization with yours
He is something you take like black coffee or straight whiskey because it needs nothing more than what it is
Everything it is
Is enough and beautiful and enticing because of that
But their strength is the most admirable
The sunshine gets stronger throughout the day just as one gets stronger throughout their own life
Accumulating more and more understanding as certain parts are more inviting than others
And still, others escape stability and their reflections whisper on your flesh and send a sense of desire across your cheeks until they reach the middle of your being and are forgotten

You have come close to death many times before
But now it is distant
So you close your eyes as you lie on the itchy, flat floor of your room
And imagine all of those and all of which you have met in the darkness
Staring very surely at nothing in particular
The sound of your heartbeat grows quiet
Changing the bad into nothing but tugging memories
Making you leave true despair behind as you not only grasp, but accept, the endless tears on the sand

Your mind is wandering
Walking to places both near and far
Trying to piece together the point and meaning of past lovers
But that doesn't really matter because nature fully forces you to not only imagine
But realize
The beauty and point of the present that is filled with growing wisdom
So you sit with your back against the wall
And your stomach burns with purpose slightly surrounding nature and the moonlight
And bliss surfaces like cigarette smoke floating then disappearing but still always present in the air around you
And you understand the ruined and intense thoughts of your past and the blessings they have brought
And the pressure you feel on your heart as you admire the luster of the sun on the metal of the railings
And the branches laying in rest
Void of hurt
But listening to conversations harder and more difficult with time
Solid
But struggling entirely with magnitude
Lifeless beings in a sense
But the raindrops make their hearts ache
Beaming ultimately away from conformity until they become another entity compiled of lust and beauty
And as you walk
The grass is loud and green as the dead branches lie hot and broken in the caress of the ground
Void of hate
As you watch the darkness pull them in and swallow them whole
Wanted completely
Written on your flesh with self supposed anxiety
Your kisses are longer and drown in a sea of meaning as you pray with clenched teeth
You feel on your arm a peculiar force and questions, smooth but loud, utter desperately within you as
Heavy but gentle hope swirls like incense around your nose until your spirit is calm and pain is hidden
And you find yourself to be trapped in nothing less than gold and passion
And that is when things were easy again

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