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1 YEAR AGO TODAY

Well a year ago today the only dad I knew was taken away.. I have heard over and over the first year is the hardest yada yada yada, but is it really? BECAUSE to me today seems to be the hardest.. Those memories I CAN do without.. So does it actually start to get better after today? I DOUBT IT.. **will finish later**
MANY OF YOU KNOW THAT MY GRANDPA PASSED AWAY RECENTLY... I WANTED TO SHARE SOMETHINGS WITH YOU THAT I HAD MADE FOR HIM OVER THE YEARS.... FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED..... ON HIS BIRTHDAY JANUARY 14.. HE TURNED 77, 1AM ON THE 15TH HE WAS VERY WEAK AND WE CALLED THE AMBULANCE HE WAS ADMITTED INTO CRITICAL CARE HE HAD PHEMONIA AND THE FLU... HE WAS THERE 2 WEEKS... WHEN HE CAME HOME WE THOUGHT HE WAS GETTING BETTER (THE DOCTOR DID NOT TELL US ANYTHING) HE REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHAT TO DO.. TO GIVE YOU SOME KIND OF IDEA HE THOUGHT IT WAS 1995.. ON FEBRUARY 11, 6AM > > > > THANKS FOR EVERYTHING ;) I WAS GRANDPA'S GIRL... THE WHOLE THING IS SOOO JUST UNBELIEVABLE RIGHT NOW... HE WOKE UP AND HAD SAID HE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, BUT HE COULDN'T WALK... SO GRANDMA HANDED HIM A URNEL HE DROPPED IT AND STARTED SLIDDING OUT OF BED ON TO THE FLOOR AND GOT HIS ARM STUCK BETWEEN THE BOX SPRINGS AND FRAME OF THE BED ON THE WAY DOWN... I COULDN'T GET HIM OUT, BECAUSE OF THE POSITION OF HIS ARM.. I WOULD HAVE HAD TO BREAK IT.. TO GET HIM OUT...SO I HAD MY GRANDMA CALL 911.. HE HAS FELL BEFORE AND THEY COME AND HELP ME GET HIM BACK UP... NO BIG DEAL. WELL, I COULD TELL RIGHT AWAY I WASN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET HIM UP, BECAUSE HE HAD TO BE PICKED STRAIGHT UP SO IT WAS ONLY LIKE A MINUTE BEFORE WE CALLED.. HE DIDN'T HIT HIS HEAD OR ANYTHING AND HE WAS BREATHING, BUT NOT RESPONDING TO ANYTHING SO I STAYED THERE AND WAS TALKING TO HIM SAYING I HAD HELP COMING.. THEY WERE HERE PRETTY QUICK... I WALKED DOWN THE HALL OPENED THE DOOR TOOK THEM DOWN THE HALL AND THEY PICKED HIM STRAIGHT UP, AS SOON AS THEY GOT HIM UP HE TOOK ONE BREATH AND QUIT BREATHING, THEY CARRIED HIM HIM DOWN THE HALL TO THE LIVINGROOM SO THEY WOULD HAVE MORE ROOM TO WORK..I DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT HAD HAPPENED TIL THEY GOT HIM DOWN THERE AND I SAID "OMG HE'S NOT BREATHING" THEY HAD ME LEAVE THE ROOM, BUT I JUST STOOD IN THE DOOR WAY... THEY TRIED FOR 45 MINUTES... HIS HEART HAD STOPPED AND HE WASN'T BREATHING ON HIS OWN.. I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT THINK IT WAS BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET HIM UP, BECAUSE HE WAS BENT OVER AT AN ANGLE THAT IT WAS PUTTING PRESSURE ON HIS LUNGS AND HEART... SO THATS REALLY MESSING WITH ME RIGHT NOW... I HAD TO TAKE SOME INSURANCE PAPERS TO THE DOCTOR TO FILL OUT AND I LEARNED HE HAD HAD A HEART ATTACK... SO IT WASN'T BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET HIM UP... THAT MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER... BUT I HAVE LOST THE ONLY DAD I EVER KNEW... I WAS GRANDPA'S GIRL
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW..MY GRANDPARENTS RAISED ME FROM THE TIME I WAS A BABY THANK YOU I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR LOVING ME RIGHT FROM THE START HOLDING ME IN YOU ARMS KEEPING ME FROM HARM FOR TREATING ME AS YOUR OWN I NEVER FELT UNLOVED OR ALONE FOR BEING MY DAD THAT I NEVER HAD FOR TEACHING ME RIGHT FROM WRONG AND THROUGH LIFE, HELPING ME ALONG AS YOU LAID ON YOUR SIDE IN THE HALL TRYING TO TEACH ME HOW TO CRAWL FOR FIRING ME OFF THE TRACTOR I LOOK BACK NOW WITH LAUGHTER FOR TEACHING HOW TO DRIVE THANK GOD YOU GOT OFF THE FLOOR BOARD OR WE WOULDN'T BE ALIVE AS A TEENAGER THE STUFF I PUT YOU THRU OH MY! WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN I NEEDED YOU , YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE YOU TAUGHT ME TO LOVE AND HOW TO CARE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME YOUR BUDDY AND HELPER, I'LL ALWAYS BE THE LOVE IN MY HEART WILL NEVER LET US BE TORN APART AND NOW MY KIDS ARE HERE AND THEY HOLD YOU SO DEAR YOU HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN OUR HEART TOGETHER FOREVER, NEVER TO PART I'M SO HAPPY YOUR APART OF THEIR LIFE LOOK AT ME I'VE TURNED OUT TO BE A GOOD MOTHER AND WIFE YES, I HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR AND AS TIME GOES ON, THERE WILL BE EVEN MORE I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO THE TIME I SAT ON YOUR LAP OF COURSE I CAN'T, AND THAT MAKES ME SAD CAUSE I'D HUG YOU AROUND THE NECK AND SAY "I LOVE YOU GRAND-DAD" GOD I BARELY MADE IT THROUGH THAT... SOME OF THE SPELLING MY BE WRONG CAUSE I CAN'T SEE THE KEYBOARD NOW, BUT THEY READ THIS AT HIS FUNERAL FOR ME....
I WROTE THIS POEM AND HAD IT PUT ON A PLAQUE WITH A PICTURE OF ME AND MY GRANDPA... I WILL SEND A PIC ON OF IT LATER.... GRANDPA AND ME TOGETHER FOREVER NEVER TO PART SPECIAL LOVE STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART HE'S ALWAYS SO CLOSE TO KEEP ME FROM HARM HE'S SO NICE, SO FULL OF CHARM NO ONE COULD BE AS SPECIAL AS HE TOGETHER FOREVER GRANDPA AND ME
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