LSDs SHELL's blog: "RANDOM....I LOVE THESE"

Why parents drink The boss wondered why one of his most valued employee had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello ?" "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes" whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" The child whispered,"No" Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered,"No" Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" "Yes," whispered the child," a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" " No, he's busy ", wispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked,"What is that noise?" "A helicopter" answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter." Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,"What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME."

Have a very FUBAR Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas', when all through the site, Not a member was stirring, things didn’t seem right; The Stilletto Girls hung their stockings with care, In hopes that Baby J soon would be there; The bombers were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of bouncers danced in their heads; With Stang in her 'thong, and JD in his cap, Someone heard Scrapper yell Good Lord and Oh snap, When from our speakers there arose such a clatter, We sprang from our beds to see what was the matter. Away to the monitor we flew like a flash, Oh it’s just Achilles updating his stash. So to the mumms did many of us go Nothing but whining from a Fubar point ho, When, what to our wondering eyes came along, A miniture sleigh pulled by eight girls in a thong, With a little drunk driver, so lively and gay, We knew in a moment it must be Baby J. More rapid than eagles his members they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: "Now, Ash Weee! now, La La! now, Cherry and Kimmy! On, Punky! on Donna! on, Sassy and Wendy! Go to my profile you heard him call! Now rate away! rate away! rate away all!" "Quicker than referrals appear on our screens, Members are becoming Fu-Kings and Fu-Queens A gift from Baby J, for cheaters galore, A bank full of bucks, They never had before And then, in a twinkling, the member count rose Former top members crying this fucking blows. Once honest members are now being ripped For deceitfully using the add a friend script. He was dressed in rags, from his head to his foot, And his jeans were all tarnished with ashes and soot; Sitting on the street holding a sign, I need money and members Baby J did whine. His eyes -- how they teared with a vacant stare! Looking pathetic in a state of dispair! His droll little mouth quivered and shook, As he looked at the numbers in his little check book; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; What is he smoking so many would ask, As he takes a swig from an old rusty flask. Many remember a time not long ago, When the site was about fun, not a sack full of dough; Faster than Fu_Daddy or Ms Dallas could flinch, Baby J went from hero to the greedy Baby Grinch He spoke not a word, just kept changing the site, Ignoring our pleas, calling them trite, Holidays are about giving he said with a smile, Welcome to Christmas, Fubar style; He sprang to his feet, to his staff gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, PLEASE GIVE TO MY SITE." DISCLAIMER, this is for entertainment purposes only, if I have offended anyone accept my apology that was not my intention

(repost of original by '♥DAWN♥' on '2007-11-20 10:38:35')

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello and he's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and says calmly... "No, I'm your son's teacher."

An Ode to the virtual friends we chat with on the Internet Friends With/Without Faces and odd little names. Take a moment to sing outloud these very special words We sit and we type, And we stare at our screens, We all have to wonder, What this possibly means. With our mouse's we roam, Through the rooms in a maze, Looking for something or someone, As we sit in a daze. We chat with each other, We type all our woes, Small groups we do form, And gang up on our foes. We wait for somebody, To type out our name, We want recognition, But it's always the same. We give kisses and hugs, And sometimes we flirt, In MIRC we chat deeply, And reveal why we hurt. We do form friendships But why we don't know, But some of these friendships, Will flourish and grow. Why it is on the screen, We can be so bold, Telling our secrets, That have never been told. Why is it we share, The thoughts in our mind, With those we can't see, As though we were blind. The answer is simple, It's as clear as a bell. We all have our problems, And need someone to tell. We can't tell "real" people, But tell someone we must, So we turn on the computer, And to those we can trust. Even though it is crazy, The truth still remains, They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.

WHAT EACH KISS MEANS -Kiss on the stomach; I'm ready. -Kiss on the Forehead; I hope we're together forever. -Kiss on the Ear; You're my everything. -Kiss on the Cheek; We're friends. -Kiss on the Hand; I adore you. -Kiss on the Neck; We belong together. -Kiss on the Shoulder; I want you. -Kiss on the Lips; I love you. ____________________________________________________ What the gesture means... -Holding Hands; We definitely like each other. -Slap on the Butt; That's mine. -Holding on tight; I don't want to let go. -Looking into each other's Eyes; I just plain like you. -Playing with Hair; Tell me you love me. -Arms around the Waist; I like you too much to let go. -Laughing while Kissing; I am completely comfortable with you. ____________________________________________________ Advice; Don't ask for a kiss, take one. If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love. ____________________________________________________ Requirements; Post this again after reading!! Or you will have a bad year of Relationships. ____________________________________________________ If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now and can't get them out of your head then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you. Repost this as "what each kiss means''

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Mom" With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Mom,: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son Jon P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. 8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU! 9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?". For the woman's response refer to #3

The PERFECT HEART One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart. Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared - how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears." "Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?" The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart,not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side. How sad it must be to go through life with a whole heart. Remember... Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching. Pass this on to someone else. I did.

THE WORTH OF A WOMAN… Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have the compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH

$20.00 Sometimes we just need to be reminded! A well-known speaker started off his seminar by: holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.