Punkin's blog: "Good for a laugh"

It was a typical day of household chores, consisting of dishes, laundry, and general tidying up.  I was off to a great start, getting a lot more done than I would have expected, when my day AND my mood came to a crashing hault.  That's when I found it...a tiny little offensive item, right there, staring at me.  I opened the door to the dryer and out fell a small black "hoochy mamma" type thong...most importantly, one I did not recognize.

Before going too far into this story, I have a history of catching previous cheating spouses by washing some other woman's underware. I also have a history of finding myself with men who have a closet habit of cross dressing.  In either case....UM NO.

First thought: "No, his package wouldn't fit into THAT, so I really don't think it's his"

Second thought "Have I purchased any new hooker underware I may have forgotten about?"

Third Thought "Do I REALLY have to walk into the living room and ask my spouse whose panthies these are AGAIN?!"

Deep breath....rapid flashing thoughts....anger....self pity....anger....anger....breathe in and out...forcing the calm....

"Honey, I found these in the wash, and they are NOT mine.  Do you know who they belong to?"

He looks up from the TV "Nope...maybe they are the ex's"

Ok, so not the response I wanted.  IS THERE an acceptable response?  At least he wasn't a smartass at the moment...smart man.

More deep breathing...back to folding clothes. 

Don't think about it.  DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

Fuck.

Could my kid have dragged home a pair of my ex's new girlfriend's panties?  Could he have planted them?!

I'm getting paranoid.  Quit thinking about it!

"I'm going for a smoke"

"Ok, I'll join you."

Random chit chat that I don't remember...I was too busy stewing....

"Look, if you say that you don't know where they came from, I will believe you.  This is just REALLY shitty dejavu for me."

"Yeah, kinda like if i came home and found a condom wrapper on the floor.  You don't have to worry. I promise."

Fast forward to meeting up with the ex to take our son trick-or treating...

"Hey ______...odd question, but what kind of panties does your girlfriend wear?"

Him - "What?!" *laughter*  "Um, I dunno.  Why?"

"Well, I came across a pair of underware I don't recognize, and thought maybe the kid brought them home with his stuff"

"No, she doesn't keep any of her stuff here.  That's really fucked up."

"Sorry...thought I'd ask"

"Um ok"

Fast forward again....I break my finger while out trick or treating...yes I'm that talented.

I come home and ask for some help with my hand, then get the kid to bed.  We resume our earlier conversation.

"I just wish I knew where those underware came from."

"Well, the ex didnt have any like that, but they looked about her size"

"Um, no.  These are like stripper panties....or panties that come with some fancy lingerie...not your everyday wear.  And your ex  was too small for these."

"Wait...you say they sometimes come with lingerie?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, we DID just order 2 halloween costumes from that lingerie store online..."

"Oh my fucking god...you're right.  Ok, I'm a douche.  Sorry honey"

"Its ok.  I'll be laughing over this for awhile."

"You're welcome.  I feel like shit"

"I know.  You felt so bad you broke your finger."