Once police get this DUI- driving under the influence- problem licked, they ought to go after even bigger problem: DWS.
That stands for Driving While Stupid, and all indications are that more and more drivers suffer from this affliction.
I mean, how many times have you tried to get on the freeway but someone suffering from DWS has stopped right at the end of the on-ramp? You think, man, that guy is really stupid. Doesn't he know that the purpose of an on-ramp is for you to build up speed so you can blend into traffic? You aren't supposed to stop at the end and enter 55-miles-an-hour traffic going 10 miles an hour!
Or, how many times does someone suffering from the stupidity syndrome tailgate you even though the traffic is so bad you can't possibly speed up or change lanes?
Or, my favorite, how many times have you seen extremely stupid drivers in the left lane of the highways going the slowest speed possible, matching the exact speed as the guy on his right, causing a massive backlog?
What the police have to do is pull these clowns over and give them a Field Stupidity Test. These are kind of like sobriety tests, where you touch your nose and things like that. But FSTs determine if you are too stupid to be allowed to keep driving.
For instance, the cop could say, "Uh, okay, Mr. Jones. You see that white lane over there? I want you to try to walk on it." Then, when the guy walks out into the middle of traffic to walk on the lane marker, the cop will say, "Hey, brah, whassa matter? You stupid, or what? Get outta the roadway. Ho, brah, you way too stupid to drive. Gimme your keys. You gotta go to stupid traffic School."
Other possible Field Stupidity Tests are:
1) Try touching my gun, brah.
2) Lift your car and move it over there, brah.
3) Touch your nose with your thumb and then wiggle your fingers in the air while saying "I think all cops are punks."
4) Pull down your pants and moon the next Mazda that drives by.
If the driver attempts any or all of these, he's obviously too stupid to operate a vehicle and should be put in shackles immediately.
I would expect the public to get behide the Driving While Stupid campaign and form organizations like MASD (Mothers Against Stupid Drivers). I want to see bumper stickers that say, "Hey, Are You Stupid? Than Park That Thing."
Okay, it's a little to long for a bumper sticker, but it might get their attention. Or you simply have a bumper sticker that says, "Don't Drive Stupid."
And if a bunch of really stupid people are hanging out together, they have to find someone fairly smart to drive them around. He or she will be the Designated Non-Stupid Driver and will have to vow not to get stupid the entire night.
DWS roadblocks probably would be a pretty good idea, too. The cops would just have a few questions ready to pop to the driver, like: "Who would make a better president? Dan Quayle or Pee-Wee Herman?" And if the guy gives a stupid answer, like saying Dan Quayle, you whip him out of the car and make him take the Field Stupidity Test.
The great thing about this kind of a law is that it wouldn't clog up the courtrooms. You'd get a stupid driver in court and when the judge asks him how he wants to plead - stupid or not stupid - he'd be totally stumped, and the judge would send him to jail just for the hell of it.
**LMAO, all for fun and remember my Cherry Buddies...Share The Road, Drive Safe and Don't Get Caught DWS :)*
