I'm sitting here in the left lane traffic stuck behide a car silly enough to be going below the speed limit during this holiday frickin' season. The car has a bumper sticker that says "Live Aloha," and right now, I hate that phrase. I hate it mainly because I hate the guy driving that car it's stuck on. He refuses to yield to the growing line of cars behide him. It just goes to show you how hollow bumper sticker philosophy is. I think if you insist on putting a bumper sticker on your car, you are honor-bound to live by whatever slogan is on it. And right now, old "Live Aloha" here is not showing any aloha to anyone, like getting his butt out of our way.
So, with nothing better to do but study this car's bumper for the rest of the trip into town, it occurs to me that whoever thought up "Live Aloha" for a bumper sticker sure didn't put much thought into it. It's too vague, to begin with. And it sounds like a command. My first reaction when I see an order like "Like Aloha" is "Make Me."
I think if you are going to have a bumper sticker that says something like that, you ought to punch it up, like "Live Aloha, Or Die Trying." See, now that grabs you. If you want something a little more hopeful and less hostile, you could say "Live Aloha, Die Rich." This makes you think that, if there must be "Aloha" bumper stickers of some sort, there are many other ideas that would have more impact.
Think of some of those great rallying cries our country is so famous for. You didn't get the Revolutionary War Minute Men hot for battle by slapping a bumper sticker on the back of their horses that said, "Live Independence." Instead, they had a dramatic flag decorated with a snake representing the colonies with dire warning: "Don't Tread on Me!" That kind of a bumper sticker might work here: "Don't Tread on Aloha!"
Or, you could move to another point in history where people needed a snappy slogan to live by, like "Aloha Right or Wrong." That's nonconfrontational. It's basically asking for complete dedication to the ideal of "aloha."
Something with a little more teeth would be "Aloha: Live It or Lose It." Ooooh. That's got a nice ominous ring to it.
Then again, maybe I'm reading the bumper sticker the wrong way. Maybe it doesn't say "live" with a soft "i," as in "live and let live" - maybe it says "live," like in "Larry King: Live." If that's the case, other possibilities for improvement exist. We could use the movie genre, like when Frankenstein's monster sits up for the first time. We could make a bumper sticker that says "Aloha. It's a-live!" Or you could have a bumper sticker with a rock 'n' roll type of feel, like an emcee introducing a band: "Ladies and Gentlemen. Live and In Concert: Aloha!" Or something Patrick Herny-ish: "I Regret That I Have Only One Aloha to Live For My Country."
Oh, man, this opens up a whole bunch of possibilities! How about "Aloha: It just keeps Going And Going!" Or "Aloha: Never Leave Home Without It!"
Finally, the "Live Aloha" car has gotten the messages and changed lanes. The way is clear and suddenly cars are flying past both him and me at a frightening pace. Obviously, they would favor a bumper sticker from the World ar II era: "Damn The Aloha. Full Speed Ahead."
Happy Holidays Cherry Buddies Love Howzits in Hawaii :))
