Beautiful Angel SupportTheTroops's blog: "drama"

i am so very stressed out something i do not need everyone seems to be causing me stress there are a few that are not but the rest seem to even if they do not know they are i have stopped texting a lot of people due to the stress levels i am having i wouldn't be so worried about the stress if i was not with child..but i am but i am worried about the child's health so i am just staying away from people... i love my friends and family but the stress i am receiving from them is just causing me a lot of pains that i should not be having this early in the pregnancy i am sorry to those that i ignore...but till my stress is down i just can't talk till i am for sure that i will not have as much stress as i have been having i am not here i have not been online a lot due to the stress stress is not good for me or this unborn child right now so if i do not respond to you don't be mad just understand that i have had a lot to deal with and i am trying to bring my stress level down

i cry i cry and i cry some more yet no answers come there is no more nothing from him to mend my heart no "i am sorry for what i put you through" nothing he did was ever wrong in his book he hurt me and left me and everything was all good he laughs about it i know the pain he put me in for he never loved me as i did him but life is life nothing i can do there are just some people out there that want to make me feel blue and there are others that want to make me smile but its ok for me to be sad once in awhile i will cry deep inside and let no one see but hey that just me but people will try to cheer me up and make me see that its not all that bad that my life is not worth crying all the time that there is more in life then lies sadness anger and pain that love will someday shine in my life again but that's if only i will listen and know the truths from the lies

look at me no really look at me what do you see, when you see me? do you see a broken heart? do you see a girl falling apart? do you see the woman i once was? do you see me ? the real me? ... no i know you don't cause no one does no one see's what i have become no one knows the pain that i hide no one know of the pain and the lies no one knows what he fully put me through no one knows of the love that i once had but lost no one sees what they want to see they only see a woman happy with her life they only see a woman that has never given up they only see what i want them to see and i don't want them to see the real me for the real me is nothing good anymore the real me is a girl that cries deep inside the real me is a lost soul with no hope of ever finding the light the real me is gone and buried deep in the ground the real me is not here... the real me is .... gone

i want to scream i want to yell i want my life out of this hell i want the pain to be gone i want him to know the pain he caused me i want him to know that i now know he never loved me i want him to see what he did to me i want him to hurt like he hurt me i want him to cry i want him to feel this fucking pain i feel inside i want him to know that he hurt me so i want him to know that now i can't trust i want him to see what all his lies did to me but no he wont cause he don't care he never cared and he never will for he never loved me

he left her waiting "i will be home soon" "no worries my dear" "i love you" but he left he never loved at all he went to Iraq only to leave her she was faithful to him like a good girlfriend should be but he cheated and lied and broke her heart he was to be her husband he was her everything she never stopped loving him but he never really loved her he used her he hurt her he made her cry yet he said he loved her he said he cared he said that they would be together though out the years he said all the lies that she wanted to hear and he broke her she thought she was over the pain that he showed but she never really was her life was built on a lie nothing but lies he told her no truths no love no nothing from him he tried to hurt her and he did so she sits and cries deep inside knowing that men will always hurt her knowing that she will never fully trust a man again knowing that no matter where she goes in life he will always be there in one way or another telling her "he loves her" then laughing as she falls for the lies

she cries and she cries trying to get out but shoved back down no one will ever see the tears that she cries no one will ever know of the lies that she has heard she is alone in this dark world lost to everyone that wants to help her up she is a lost little girl tying to find her way in this world never should she have felt the way he made her feel but its to late for that now its all went down hill she was hurt inside she cried and she cried yet the tears still come but now she hides no one will ever know the truth about her she has been hurt and hurt and hurt... so she will always just sit there and cry cause she knows that nothing will ever be the same things happen for a reason trust is lost love is lost nothing to gain but the sad tears that run down her face will never wash away the pain little girl why do you cry? why do you let the pain hurt so much inside? who made you feel so bad inside? why wont you answer me little girl? why do you just sit there day after day holding it in not letting the pain go away? you were hurt i know but not all is lost i will be strong for the both of us i will go on and so shall you cause you are me as i once was you i am the little girl deep inside just crying cause the pain is too much to bear but its ok i know this now for the tears may come as they always will i will never let the tears come out again so the sad little girl will sit in darkness for years

you can't see me for i hide to well you will not know me cause my life is hell i am not trying to be who anyone wants me to be i am done looking for that special someone in my life i am no longer here i am no longer real i am nothing can't you see i was never anything to the one that meant so much to me i lost it all i gave up trying i stopped all that stupid baby crying i learned my lesson i didn't get back up i stayed right where he left me stuck in that rut i am done with all the lies that come forth i am done with everything that can make me hurt no one will ever see the real me cause she is gone she is no longer me

you can't see the tears in my eyes you cant see the truths that i hide you cant see the real me deep inside you know i have been hurt but that don't matter none you cant see me through the person i have become you will never know who i am now you will never know cause i am never around i hide from the world one person at a time never wanting more then friendship cant you see? i don't want to hurt anyone like i was hurt before so i stay hidden from all that come to find the real me i will never go back to the person i was before cause i had that door that held love slam too many times before i am done being what everyone wants i am living my life in the shadows now just watching and waiting i am not the girl i once was i am now a woman that knows that there is no such thing as true love i am now a woman that knows it hurts to fall for the lies i am now the woman that i will be for the rest of my life

so i am taken so what big deal you don't have to hate me for that i thought we could be friends but no you wanted more something i am not ready to give you something that i am not ready to give anyone at the moment but still you hate me for something that i did started dating a guy i never met you and that may be my fault as you say but damn why are you freaking out so much you never told me you cared for me so i thought we were just friends but no... we are not the things you just said hurt me you may not have meant them to be painful but they were cause most of what you said was the truth i did like you more then a friend at one point in time but things happen people change and time goes on i have grown up since then i have seen the pain guys can cause i am frightened of guys i know that they only want to hurt me so i stay away from the ones that i could ever care about cause i don't want them to hurt me too and i stay away from the ones that i care about cause i don't want to be the ones that i hurt but i guess its too late for that cause i hurt you and i didn't mean to and now our friendship is ruined and yes its my fault and i am sorry for that but i am not sorry for telling you i was taken cause i could have been like some of these other women out there and just pulled you along but no i told you i was taken so you didn't get hurt i told you the truth so that you would know but it don't matter any more cause now i think i just lost a good friend