hitchingpost's blog: ""Doubting our doubt" essays/poems/lists"

Q: Joe. did you use to go church? A: 1. when middle school & teenager i did regularly, also sang in choir, sang duets/quartets, attended sunday school, gave devotions in training union and preached a little bit, also led singing some. A: 2. continued to study Bible lifelong. A: 3. when married first 12 years still attended regularly and had booktable tha I funded & gave seminar on "fruit of the spirit" A: 4. when marriage went sour, quit attending A: 5. when got really depressed in marriage switched churches and recovered via singing in Methodist choir which saved my life. Attended several years then. A: 6. when got where low energy and unable to tolerate more than 1 1/2 hour of attendance at ANY EVENT without very comfortable chair, became sporadic, although taught part-time sunday school to little old ladies -- using journal notes & poems to spice it up. A: 7. when my "mixed breed" religion seemed to be so much untolerated phenomenon everywhere, I basically gave up church. A: 8. rejoined baptist church after recovering from last manic episode here in george west, but lack of energy reared it's head again because preacher gives LONG sermons, so finally quit. A: 9. considering going back, but no sunday school which I had tried here on 1st attempt here and was joked about when i quit that portion. A: THAT'S ABOUT IT I have several "issues" with churches in USA: 1. spiritual gifts development is inadequate, due to control desires and emotional upheaval possibilities and $ needs to support variety. 2. evangelical, Catholic, New Age, general liberal, fundamentalists, non-Christians each has it's own MARKET to protect, and disdain the others. 3.The best possible for me would be a small interdenominational or non-denominational which supports small groups. They tend like others to be cleakish still, and worship their preacher many times. 4. I prefer that a church does not segregate small groups -- except for kids under 18 -- by age, gender, or marital status. This is a particular problem with Baptists, where I grew up and am currently sometimes attending. 5. I don't have the gift of gab, nor the endless hours to hold hands for folks in travail, so proved obviously inadequate as a preacher. My problem, not theirs. Academically and Biblically based, my preaching was excellent. I WAS A LITTLE BIT PREACHY -- SORT OF WHY DON'T YOU FOLLOW THROUGH ON THESE OBVIOUS STATEMENTS IN BIBLE?. People are busy with their lives & have little time for religious NONSENSE. 6. I could have been education director, but churches want you to use "canned curriculum" which I don't approve of, at least not nearly as widespread as is done. 7. I could recite spiritual poems in worship service, but that is probably not desired by them . I haven't checked it out. I have given copies of my "Sanctity Restored" CD album to some people. 8. I am getting too old to "cut the mustard any more". 9. People don't want me influencing the youth with my "mixed breed" religion. 10. Perhaps an alternative which would work for me would be a "house church" as per Plymouth Brethren in England, which favorite & world-renowned Christian scholar F.F. Bruce was a member of. Also H.L. Ellison. This is similar to way that people in some interdenominational churches do it. They have a list of small groups with subject matter that each works on and whether there are openings currently available for new members. 11. Black churches go on for many many hours -- way beyond my 1 1/2 hour limit, so that is out. 12. New Age, even so called Christian ones, talk in generalities it seems ? ? ? 13. Sometimes I take a while to "join" which annoys people that I am evaluating them. 14. If my best friend Kevin were allowed to participate in music groups where/when I am in same town that would be an encouragement listening to his lead guitar playing. He has a felony conviction for driving while intoxicated, so is a person non grata now in churches and many jobs as well. 15. My family tradition does not put up with shit from inconsiderate & pompous prejudiced people. I inherited the same tendencies. There is ONE GOD we say, and that's all she wrote. 16. Many times I like a pastor's preaching, but then he gets replaced by another that is practically illiterate. I want a preacher that gives the gospel some OOMPH.

QUESTIONS REGARDING RELIGION/SPIRITUALITY:-- ALONG WITH MY ANSWERS: 1. What is the background of your grandparents, parents, and yourself in religion/spirituality ? i.e. in particular, not just which you settled on, but also which you went thru to get there. We were brought up country Baptist & some Pentecostal. Grandfather led singing for a while & helped out preacher with secret funds. I was raised such Baptist, was cured of depression via participation in Methodist choir, broadened exposure via Key Club in h.s., world religion courses, & Buddhist wisdom sayings at beliefnet.com When Southern Baptists split, I went with the moderates. When I had "mystical moments" I found Catholics to have the best explanations. I like "small groups" with no segregation --except for youth -- in regard to age, gender, & marital status -- at least have a mixed group available. I prefer, but it is difficult, for church to have entertaining music. I have studied the ENNEAGRAM which I consider a psychology, although many consider it a religion. It seems like 1/2 truths, but enough to show me who I am psychologically. I have studied Abraham Masloww's writings -- 2 of his books seem to be objective prophetic religious visionary, although he never made any such claims. Both ENNEAGRAM & goodwill preferences Myers-Briggs psychology show you "places to go" psychologically" to become a mature person, to the extent possible. 2. Are you familiar with any of the following religious websites: www.beliefnet.com cgg.org -- for theberean.org finishers.org shalomplace.com/seed bible.crosswalk.com www.biblegateway.com www.christianbook.com www.asa3.com Long ago I subscribed to beliefnet dating site --no longer available -- they use yahoo personals now,to their religious daily joke, & their daily Buddhist wisdom saying. I recently revisited site and discovered it had changed quite a bit. I joined some "groups" & established two groups of my own -- ditzymysticalromance & ditzymysticalspirituality. I subscribed to theberean.org daily Bible verse with commentary. I have reviewed & considered finishers.org, which is a way to participate in voluntary work overseas -- you & your church must raise the funds for this. Some day... Shalomplace has a mystical daily discussion on various & sundry to which I subscribe. Biblegateway is my main source other than written Bibles for looking up Bible verses, based on either of -- verse number, keyword/phrase, or something else. You can restrict search to certain sections of the Bible. You must also specify which of numerous translations to use. Crossway is similar to biblegateway, but I haven't used it. Christianbook is a long-standing good reputation book seller of Christian books, who I have done business with many times in the past. They are the "last one left standing". American Scientific Affiliation (asa3 ) costs $70 yearly to be a member -- UNLESS you are a student, so I quit after a while. 3. How about the following religious yahoo groups: SpiritualWings sharegifts talentscareersgifting mysticaljourney I subscribe to the daily cute sayings of SpiritualWings. Sharefgifts & talentscareersgifting are mine, but I haven't done much on them. I participate in mysticaljourney, or USED to. Jean S. Horn is the moderator. & contributes numerous poems. 4. What translation(s) of the Bible do you use ? NIV, NRSV, NKJV, Living Bible. I prefer a Bible with various additional study facilities. I could not understand the archaic words of KJV. I currently due to eye weakness use large-print NIV mostly to carry around, which has minor amount of in-line references & small concordance. I also have large-print NKJV with center-column references & small concordance. Both of these large-print have words of Jesus in RED. I also have "The NIV Complete Concordance" by Goodrick & Kohlenbeger, but print is so small that is difficult to use now.I highly recommend it.. I have 2 pages of crib-sheets of favorite Bible verses to share as deemed appropriate. I used to use also RSV ( in high school ), New English Bible, & New American Standard Bible. At one time I had a collection of 50 Bibles, but had to downsize when I moved into smaller dwelling. 5. What are 5 of your favorite Bible verses ? Philippians 4:8 -- think positive Hebrews 11:6 -- earnestness has it's reward. 2 Tim 2:15 in NKJV -- rightly DIVIDE the word of truth, into appropriate compartments Isaiah 5:20 -- good/evil keep straight James 1:27 -- paying my dues to widows & orphans top priority Eccles 7:16-18 -- avoiding breakdown Prov 28:9 -- AT LEAST do this These are all from my crib-sheet list. 6. Do you use "Biblical" stuff from other religions than Christianity, and if so, what are they ? daily Buddhist wisdom saying from beliefnet.com 7. If Christian, what denomination etc. ? If I had to say, I would say Free Methodist, but I currently, when I do attend, attend Baptist. Due to my lack of energy & pain of sitting in uncomfortable chairs, cannot stand being anywhere anyplace other than on a couch, for longer than 1 to 1/2 hours. This goes for non-church activities as well as church stuff. REALLY, I need the couch after 1 one hour. 8. In what way do you "regularly" practise your religion ? A. study the Bible in fits & spirts, taking notes / diagrams in my journal B. read numerous religious literature -- & recommend it at amazon.com C. write essays/poems -- tried to get published but no success yet D. as above certain activities E. prayer -- but not in a prayer circle F. volunteered as tutor at a jail, but was not accepted. 9. What is your attitude about spiritual gifts in the church ? Spiritual gifts development is inadequate, due to control desires and emotional upheaval possibilities and $ needs to support variety. In numerous churches, spiritual gifts = ( i.e. requires all of the following to be acked & nurtured ) talent + willing to tow party line + willing to spend many many hours on church activities + don't butt in where not wanted, e.g. don't grab the pastor's job! + don't embarrass + needed to fulfill our particular voted & designated local church mission which priortizes $ on what efforts to develop + willing to be mentored and/or to mentor others + not mentally unstable in any way + concerning emotions -- LOTS of it if Pentacostal, otherwise very little except only in suitable occasions + abide by any denominational guidelines of which gifts exist & are approved to practise UNLESS church bucks the system. + don't have a felony conviction, even a DWI ( driving while intoxicated ), which makes persona non grata -- UNLESS have such gift of gab flair that you become a total celebrity world wide. 10. Who are some of your favorite religious/spiritual writers ? Jacques Ellul F.F. Bruce R.A. Torrey Bernard Ramm 11. Who are some of your favorite religious/spiritual singers ? Larry Norman Timothy Meany Steve Green 12. Who are some of your favorite religious/spiritual painters -- contemporary ones ? None so far. 13. Have you or a close friend/family experienced a "peak experience" in any of the categories listed below, which I consider to be getting into sync/async with reality? A. recurring "2nd wind" in athletics -- NEVER, unfortunately B. heavenly visions -- yes, in mania & when inspired writing poetry/essays C. situations of peak grounded experience -- probably not ? D. altered states of consciousness -- mania I guess E. the unconscious becoming conscious -- definitely F. states of exhilaration -- ditzy twiggster, ditzy doodlebug007 G. moments of astounding insight -- studying Bible and also B above. H. mystical emotional upheaval. -- starting at age 42 when decided needed to get right/light, in order to enjoy living. Encountered the "heavenly realms" gradually as a result. NOTE that: Some of these things we experience even in our throes of sickness, but can be inspired of God. Also, one man’s garbage is another man’s gems of delight.

What Honest Doubt Is ( C 1997 ) Josie Roberts ------------------------ Doubt is taking seriously Jesus’s beattitudes; It’s wondering when we’ll ever see such fruit. Honest doubt is a need to know your own mind-- It’s the firm resolve to leave indifference behind. Without the assurance that gives life’s clue, It’s the hope to be transformed by finding something new. Doubt is stopping at the crossroads awhile To clear up the muck so you can go on with a smile. As a shift of the Spirit many people fear it, But Jude 22 was written to cheer it. God is leading us in life’s courtship dance; Sometimes we’re overwhelmed and go into a trance. He’ll clear it up and get us in sync So we can hear his beckoning when we’re on the brink Of new discoveries that help us endure The fiery furnace that makes all things pure. Our regression to old habits is a statement of doubt; It’s something our instincts can’t do without Til our unconscious also has been cleansed As we subject it as well to the light of God’s lens. Some doubt can show we’re a delicate flower That breaks forth in beauty at the perfect hour. It’s sincerity is a retort to our cloud of skeptics Who ignore truth because they say life is too hectic. Especially doubt is a wait for God’s call; It’s pondering things in your heart--not a flaw. When we truly see Jesus in someone’s face We’ll know we have found the heavenly place. As Thomas said so many years ago, To my LORD and my God only I commit my soul. I ALSO LIKE TO USE THE PHRASE: "DOUBT YOUR DOUBT"...

Pondering Doubt ( C 2005 ) Josie Roberts Circumstances may not be right, Family and friends may want a fight, But true love can stand the heat & Be forged into a blissful street. The "Street Called Straight" Is the story that relates How kind deals & favors Can make us good neighbors. Doubt your doubt. Test your mettle. Give problems a route To go away or settle. CHORUS: 3 steps forward , 2 steps back. It's ahrd for us to stay stay on track. Kiss & tell or ponder &dwell -- At least avoid a death knell.