hitchingpost's blog: "romance/relationship essays"

THIS IS AN INTERNET CHAT WITH A FOREIGN LADY. Q = her questioning A = me answering Q by ME = me questioning A by HER = her answering Q: Do you believe in marriage? A: I think it is overrated. Two of mine failed. The Bible says it is valid and advisable. I believe that at least divorce is advisable under certain circumstances also. People are insecure sometimes if they just live together long term relationship without getting married, and then there are also inheritance issues. I would prefer just long term relationship this time, but for a foreignor to come to US and stay a few years there are only 3 ways that I am aware of my to do so legally -- 1. student visa to go to college 2. their job is high-tech in short supply in US so a company certifies needed desperating and they can get a waiver to come for a job 3.they come for IMMEDIATE marriage not just a romance beginning. So for that reason in our case I presume that the 3rd would be most appropriate. Q: Okay thats is good A: Also only marriage allows the social security of one person to be available for spouse percentage after having been married at least 10 years. Q: Ok A: Spouse can of course use their own social security which might be higher, but at least they have an extra choice to pick from it married. Q: Okay baby thats sound good A: I have an essay called "Sexual Politics" which discusses of the winding turns considerations for women and me and social security. If I haven't sent it please ask now and I will do so immediately. Q: All relationships have some adjustment periods, but being hurt shouldn’t be part of being in love. Loving relationships have good qualities, such as support from your partner, a willingness to communicate, a desire to compromise, and open an honest communication. When you do not have these fundamental qualities in a relationship, that relationship isn’t likely to grow, and become something that you desire... A: The only thing you mentioned above which we haven't yet discussed is "adjustment periods". Q: And i hope u have understand me A: Yes you are quite eloquent and I don't see how anybody but a retarded person could possibly misunderstand. A: Of grown up people I mean. Q: We all turn to our loved ones for support from time to time. When your loved one does not offer you their support it may be time to look at your relationship. As we all want to nurture those that we love. We want the best in life for those that we care about.... A: Yes "look at your relationship" may sometimes be adviseable. A: That might be a moment to discuss with other friends both male and female not just with your spouse. Q: If your partner is unwilling to listen to you, and to your problems, they are not meeting your needs when you need support. Support can come in many forms, someone lending an ear, someone going out of their way to help you, or something as simple as a phone call to cheer you up. Make sure your partner gives you support when you need it... A: i.e. annoying behaviors however small and insignificant that somehow bug you. A: Support needed particularly when you have job stress. Q: When engaging in a relationship with another person there is always going to be things that you do not agree upon. You want to have the ability to compromise so both partners are getting their wishes met. This may mean one night you watch football, and one night your partner watches a movie you enjoy.... A: For me when young, I needed some sex to energize sometimes for the job. Q by ME: Does sex energize or drain you ? I regard that dirty talk is partially just flirtation to get used to the opposite sex, and partially escalating chemistry attraction for sexual encounter. Q by ME:: Which does it do -- Energize or does it drain, or does it do BOTH ? I mean the sex, not the dirty talk flirtation. A by HER: Umm i think Both lol Q by ME: Do you see some specific tradeoffs there ? If so, have you assessed the tradeoffs and come to a definite conclusion for advise to myself and others, or is it just a feeling that well sometimes perhaps you should take a week off to recuperate. Or a month. or LOL I haven't personally assessed the tradeoffs that much. I have had a moderate sex drive from the beginning. I may SOUND like an obsessed sex addict in my letters, but that is not so. I have just been "deprived" either because of myself or a wife, and I don't want to end up with none of it.... lol A by her: lol Q by ME: THAT IS WHY I WANT TO GET MARRIED AGAIN !!!! LOL Perhaps I should just learn to enjoy fantasies and looking at beautiful photos, whether in nice clothes or nude. Q: If someone isn’t willing to compromise, they are not willing to acknowledge your wants and desires. If they can not acknowledge your wants they are likely not emotionally developed enough for you to have your needs met... A: Indeed I agree wholeheartedly that if don't ack your wants they are either 1.immature 2. secretly not really in love 3. don't know their own mind ( which may be different from 1 is it or is it the same ? ) 3. just selfish 4. cheating on you 4. withholding in order to obtain power trip over you 5 withholding -- which would be partially insecurity of an extreme nature Q: Open and honest communication is one of the more desirable qualities you want to have in a relationship. Watch to see that your partner is not secretive, nor are they willing to tell lies to avoid certain subjects. A: What is my "grade" so far on your "psychological therapist" questionairres ? I am hope at least a B-. Q by ME: How many men have you had serious relationships of companionship with in the past, not necessarily sexual ? Perhaps I should have said "long lasting". Take it either way you prefer. Besides family members I mean. A by HER: Oh well i have been with one man Q by ME: Then how did you get so mature ? A by HER: Umm i dont understand u Q by ME: Well, with me maturity has come only really at age 42, because previously I didn't know my own mind and you are much younger than that. What about "best friends" men, have you had any of those to advise you ? Or are you just what they call an "old soul" in New Age circles ? A by HER: lol A by HER: Ohh well i believe that age is just a number love comes form the heart ok I will be much young for you but when it come to true love i will be the frist one how will love always and forever No matter what i will be with you Q by ME: My parents and grandparents didn't assist me in growing up to overcome my basic lack of common sense which is why I was so naive, gullible, incurably romantic, dimwit for so long, almost a moron. I was only a prodigy in spiritual maturity. I had to learn more than courage -- I had to learn GUMPTION and prudent and EQUITY, the latter 2 from the Bible, and the 1st from facts of life and mystical moments and torment. Note that gumption is a spiritual upgrade of courage. Note that equity is much better than either fairness or reasonableness. A by HER: ohh i see

Enticing Ladies of the Night ( C 2004 ) Josie Roherts HEAR THIS. hEAR THIS! Which gives you oomph? INTUITION 1. occasional casual fling to check attraction powers 2. someone to string along without guilt until "THE ONE" comes along 3. never having the catch-22 of having to choose between him and another dear friend or relative COMMON SENSE 4. party fun so you look like a queen 5. forgiveness or indescretions and goofs without dragging feet or disgust 6. boundless energy for courtesy, manners, tact etc. INSTINCT 7. a buddy that spoils beyond the beyond 8. a good genes sperm bank for your kids 9. security protector and avenger especially when pregnant FEELINGS 10. unconditional undying love of goddess worship variety from a nice, gentle, romantic, genius, well-endowed handsome man 11. your pregnant beauty is better than Renaissance images and he never looks at another during those delicate months EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION 12. you're a kept woman with a free meal ticket and a blank check signed if decide to leave 13. he's an attentive semi-slave to your wild mood sings without repercussions so that you have unlimitged freedom of emotional expression 14. any divorce decree follows your best judgment and regardless of other women commitments he has 15. if you need drunken sex sometimes to get it going and without remembering, then he treats you just like you want and keeps assuring you 16. he knows instinctively when to sleep on the sofa without being asked 17. he can discern yes, no and maybe without any education and also variations due to momentary whimical romance REASONING 18. permission for discrete affairs / cheating without strings attached or reporting in 19. sharing chores especially after midnite and when sick 20. futuristic trailblazer status pal with your brand on him to slap around 21. instant mutual agreement without hassles or definitions IMAGINATION 22. fond memories of wild one-night stands 23. platonic friend and confidant

RECONCILIATION TERMS AND CONDITIONS essay ( C 2004 ) Josie Roberts The following are the essentials in any plan for relationship reconciliation. 1. A common vision statement that each of you wholeheartedly acknowledges and promises not to betray even while broke up. 2. A list of pleasures too important to do without except by break up for an agreed period. 3.The basis for divorce -- a list of stumbling blocks that are too difficult to overcome because they threaten relationship to God. So such things should be avoided or ignored, consciously explicitly and willfully, with never a discussion. This is done by mutual agreement and for the purpose of avoiding torment. 4. Where each of you goes for recovery when you breakup and what the signal is to makeup again. 5. A list of responsibilities and who is in charge of each, plus under what conditions this list merits revision. 6. A list of verses in the Bible of earnest belief, at most 12, in historical sequence by which you came by them, with hopefully the how and why you came to believe each. 7. A list of irresolvable quandries for which daily forgiveness is sought. 8. A list of joys in the relationship for which you are eternally thankful.

For purpose of -- defining "Safe Haven" in Relationship BEFORE major disagree RECONCILIATION "FRIENDSHIP AGREEMENT" for living together without benefit of marriage -- applies to same sex friendships as well? Get them to construct and fill-out such contract and sign-it. 1. What incorrigibles cannot do without? even when split up 2. What pet peeves are immediate grounds for disolvement of relationship w/o hassles UNLESS substitute provided ? 3. In each task area ( TBD what they are ) , about 20: A. Who is in charge ? B. Who calls the shots ? C. Do you want in this area which kind of relnship: I. parallel lives separate II. complementary III. yokefellow IV. joke about it all ? 4. Under what conditions is it legitimate / feasible to change this here friendship agreement ? 5. Where do each of you go while split up ? So no torment. 6. Everyone in household gets votes -- how many varies according to Heavenly Realms 101. THERE IS ANOTHER RECONCILIATION DEALIE ABOUT TO BE PUT UP UNDER ROMANCE/RELATIONSHIP ESSAYS TOMORROW.

A way of listing emotions by consequences of attitudes rather than via mood. 1. I GET AROUND Beach Boys adjusting nomenclatures 2. DAZE FACE suitable peace kinds 3. WHEN & WHERE & ... JOURNALING spontaneous and review surprise surprise later 4. TETHER Paradise 5. CURIOUS -- enough to be different. works for me stylistics! 6. UP & DOWN workable for regular gals/guys 7. UP THERE. Enjoy humor like they do in the heavenly realms. 8. MOMENTUM & MOMENTS OF DELIGHT, COURAGE HERO FOLKSTERS "Dangerous" by Roxette 9. F, O, S C i.e. Frank, open, sincere, and considerate Deer, dear

OVERLAPPING DUCKSVILLE IN SNOW WHITE 7 STEP RELATIONSHIPS ( C 2003 ) Josie Roberts OK consists of: 1. Love at 1st .... ( e.g. sight, touch, sound tone } 2. Sex casuallty stages 3. Feelings of crush 4. Just one word says almost all -- ... worthy. 5. High powered meaning etc. even during ... 6. Surprise exists still ? ULE ! OLE UIL ! consists of: 7. Just-in-case 8. Just-the-opposite/unconscious ? 9. Kidsville -- with swaps OK & deja-vu

Whirlwind romance scenario (C 2004 ) Josie R. Current mood: romantic Category: Romance and Relationships About Me Interests include listening to most kinds of music esp on car radio, attending music practise, recommending things, checking sales ads on Sunday, watching mystery and adventure on TV, ping pong, reading, admiring art/painting, internet, writing, talking on phone with friends, swimming. I am just icycled over, not gone. The story below of romance has had 2 versions in long length put out. Coordinated of trusting and trustworthy -- I don't see much hope for these 2 being willing to fetch water. If they do, I will come running as soon as my broken ankle completely heals. I was incredibly surprised and approve of the rehab hospital for the bone break and the specialty surgery hospital for bones in Austin. I do some journaling and poetry writing and humming and hope to improvise trombone -- to call for help in that situation below. I am the "absent minded professor" according to Myers-Briggs books on personality. I dream about a "fast romance" scenario, not exactly love at first sight -- but love at first touch, with my hands inherited from 2 generations before me of touch healers just in the family arena. I believe I can perhaps "mold" certain items... via caressing etc. I am also doing serious math research into "catastrophe theory" in 8 dimensions -- 8 simultaneous natural calamities at once and has personal analogies also. First Date -- THIS IS FOR THE BABES OUT THERE. PLEASE FELLOWS, DON'T STEAL MY PITCH!! Love shade on hot days. I am temperature sensitive since about age 38 -- need 72 - 76 year around, except some colder OK if also snow or sleet. That't the inspired truth of why I took on this St. Nick gig. I like butterflies because of the caterpiller. But I like grasshoppers better -- catch and put in jar with holes in the top for breathing -- to use as fish bait. I also like the fire flies in the jar -- a good backup lighting system in case worldwide havoc breaks out. My idea of a first actual face to face one on one date after a suitable perhaps 10 e-mails, some with attachments -- and particularly FEEDBACK not just talk without contact, is: Lost in Carlsbad Caverns, or other cozy dark spot, for 48 hours with 16 candlesticks and no interruptions, except she can yell help to her chaperone on the other side of the rock. No humming allowed here in public library, what about there? She has 40 matchsticks. If they don't last, it's her choice. I from a young age could not keep time, just numbers -- what day is it etc? My sight is not so good to read my watch so I prefer we have a 90 minute tape recorder which is the only interruption -- perhaps 60 would be better to computer time with. We begin by discussing the folllowing potential joyride with her Italian taxicab friend with us in back seat simulating joyride going to hospital for baby birth for 2 hours getting lost etc, and we're just wrapped in blankets by then. That is the honeymoon if we get married after that first date by the Catholic nun in charge of organizing the date etc. The etc is the tricky part. I have 30 pages handwritten on the whole shebang, but it might not pass muster -- i.e. have enough mustard seed of faith implication. The 30 page story also has the benefits, the annulment and divorce mock juries outside the courts using best friends and relatives and worst enemies etc. At most 10 divorces and re-marriages to the same woman with at least 2 years between "roller coaster" simultaneous episodes and 8 simultaneous crisis kinds at once having to be contended with -- not 8 kids please. More plausible timelines for marriage would be --remember I am poor scheduler -- is from among the following: 4 months -- hotsy totsy click immediately, has talent and goals, and organizes 9 months -- iffy whether this is any better 2 years -- avoid the worst risks at least 6 years -- minimum with a paranoid 10 years -- recommended with a paranoid -- I know 2 of them well and 6 - 10 is definitely the range needed with such hypervigilant devil's advocates. Because of my "creativity glitch" of mania I am willing to risk all scenarios under suitable safeguards. I've been around, although inexperienced. That is a paradoxical confusion or psychotic delusion or psychic intrusion or "love conquers all" statement .