luellen's blog: "Don't ask !?! (ha ha) ;)"

Answers Men Would Like to Give to Woman's Stupid Questions, But Never Will 1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex. 2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all that fucking ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat. 3. You've got no chance of me calling you. 4. No, I won't be gentle. 5. Of course you have to swallow. 6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time. 7. I hate your friends. 8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight. 9. I'd rather watch a porno.

Boudreaux, a Cajun, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana . Each Friday night after work, >he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of >Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful >that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit >Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass.. and >as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are >Catholic." Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night >arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the >neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he >rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, >he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the >grilling meat, and chanted : "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a....catfish. "

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."