by Libida 4 days ago
When I told Jay about this, he asked me to post it here. It's also available on my blog.
You may copy, forward, and repost this piece, provided it is complete and includes the credit and URL. (A link would be nice, too!)
There seem to be just a few key differences between individuals who are good at spotting and avoiding destructive and problematic people, and those who repeatedly get zapped:
1. Competent people-evaluators notice how they feel around others, and get closer or withdraw in response. This gets them away from people who treat them poorly, and closer to people who treat them well. Over time, their life becomes filled with good people.
Ineffective people-evaluators have learned to ignore, dismiss, or devalue certain information, including problem behaviors in others and troubling emotional responses in themselves. Even when they do notice problems, these individuals tend to get upset and complain, but not move away. That sends problem people the nonverbal message that it is acceptable to continue their problem behavior.
2. Competent people-evaluators extrapolate what a person is likely to do (based on their observed behaviors, not what they say) then respond to the extrapolation. A person's minor act of bullying suggests later bullying, probably expanded in range and intensity, so the evaluator withdraws -- perhaps a lot.
Ineffective people-evaluators tend to ignore small problems until they get big. They treat each instance of a behavior as unique, rather than as part of a pattern. Only when they have many examples of problem behavior, and those behaviors are extreme or having really bad effects, do they realize they have a serious problem.
3. Competent people-evaluators recognize patterns of behavior. When they see a specific behavior, they ask themselves, "What pattern is this part of?" Finding patterns lets them distinguish between negative behaviors that signal a good person's stress and frustration, and genuine ill will. Patterns also help them tell people who are consistently kind and loving from people who are kind and loving most of the time, but sometimes act cruel or destructive.
Over time, a person who practices these skills and gets good at them will learn to detect and avoid people who cause a lot of problems and turmoil. They will also become skilled at finding good people.
© 2011 by Libida Morgasm. All rights reserved.
The __CHUDWAH__ Field Guild:
Davo started this discussion 2 days ago
The CHUDWAH Field Guild:
A Field Guide to Clueless Heterosexual Dominant Wannabe:
This field guide is only to be used for CHUDWAHS, and does not identify trolls, brats or subs, which are totally separate species.The Greater One Trick Wonder:
Voice: "That's the only way to do it."
Habitat: Often seen in newsgroups, seldom seen in real life.
Range: Known to disappear for extended periods of time, but frequently returns, like a bad burrito.
Notes: Does only one thing, but occasionally does it well. Denies the reality of events that do not conform to its script of expecations. Mistakes appearance for substance. Often mistaken for Trollus Sokpuppiti. The Lesser One Trick Wonder:
Voice: "That's NOT the way to do it."
Habitat: Only seen in newsgroups.
Range: Never goes away.
Notes: Call often identified by use of the foot stomp as a terminal punctuation mark. Attempts to do only one thing, and fails. Some observers believe this may be an immature form of Unum Magnificata, but there are no documented observations of this species ever maturing. Often mistaken for Brattus Simplistici. The Self Appointed Deity:
Deus Ad Nausea
Voice: "I am the Dom thy lord."
Range: Pops up at the strangest times.
Notes: This is a cross species variant and may be encountered at any time or place. Demands respect because it claims to deserve respect because it demands respect ... The Common Boneheaded Twit:
Non MentatiVoice: To numerous to enumerate, but you'll know it when you hear it. Habitat: Everywhere.
Range: Alas, all too frequent.
Notes: Often used as an example to support the discredited theory of spontaneous generation. The Mighty Ruler:
Voice: "A Rule for every occasion".
Habitat: Newsgroups and forums.
Range: Each individual has its own periodicity.
Notes: Has more rules and regulations than the IRS. Frequently seen posting to newsgroups and forums. Can be replaced by a tape loop or broken record. May just be a seasonal variant of Deus Ad Nausea. Often claims years of experience, but the observer should keep in mind that these are cyber years and bear no relation to the real world. The Kinky Swinger:
Voice: "Where are the babes?"
Habitat: Newsgroups, and cheap sex clubs.
Range: Always claims to have been seen with multiple members of the appropriate sex.
Notes: Claims to be a dom because he get lots of sex. The Desperado:
Habitat: Chat rooms, and peep shows.
Range: Never in the same location for a long period of time. Never seen with a member of the appropriate sex.
Notes: A dom because he wants to think he can get sex. Searching for a meat puppet to call his own. The Capitalizist Swine:
primus porcine grammatici
Voice: "All subbies must lower case their name."
Habitat: Chat Rooms and Newsgroups.
Range: Fledges in Chat Rooms before spreading to newsgroups.
Notes: Can not identify the players without visual aids. Often mistaken for Trollus Grammatici. The Faux Dom:
Voice: "I'm a dom! Are you a switch?"
Habitat: Munches and public play spaces.
Range: Extremely rare, but when encountered, considered an omen of ill fortune.
Notes: Not of the Genus Domini at all, but rather is known as The Rare Timid Sub. Spends most of its life cycle searching for a fellow submissive that he can train to dominate him.
Davo, originally posted on alt.sex.bondage way back when.