Reader discretion is advised. Leave your pride and sense of self-righteousness at the door. You don’t need the former and I’ll be providing the latter.
Ready? Off we go then.
What’s the difference between a submissive and a slave?
Everyone has an opinion on that one, don’t they? Sometimes those opinions are vastly different and sometimes it seems more a question of semantics and hair-splitting. Some people moderate their own definition so as not to cause offence and some do it so they can fit in with the crowd. What few people do is simply state what they believe because to do so, without caring how few or many other people will join them in their corner, can sometimes incur a backlash.
Still, I’ve never particularly cared for anyone’s opinion besides my own unless that opinion comes from someone I know and respect. On the internet, there aren’t many I include in that group so I guess I either put or shut up, eh?
A submissive chooses who and how she serves.
A slave chooses who she serves.
Now before we go further, we need to clarify a few points. The first is that chestnut of ‘rights’. As I see it, a submissive has many rights, a slave has roughly none but, legally, both have exactly the same. Your rights aren’t taken from you if you become slave; you simply accept that they do not apply and that choice is voluntary.
To be slave is to serve absolutely as your master wants you to, end of story. If he feels like negotiating, all well and good, but you do not have the right to even expect it, let alone demand it, regardless of what ‘it’ is he wants you to do. If he feels like sitting you down and running through what he wishes for you, all well and good but, again, he doesn’t have to. It is entirely and absolutely at his discretion what he does, when he does it, how he does it and why he does it. He may tell you all, some or none of any of that and it’s his choice and his alone.
‘Ah, but what about my limits?’ is the question all those little wannabe slaves usually pipe up with at that point. That’s not a slave question; ‘what about HIS limits?’ is a slave question and that’s where my opinion and that of many of my ‘peers’ go in different directions.
To be slave is to serve the man, not his limits, and to serve him absolutely, entirely and without any restraint whatsoever. It gives a huge insight into the motivation of most ‘slaves’ that their first question is both sexual and, of course, about them, not him – ‘what about my limits?’ If you call yourself a slave yet your own limits are of concern to you, then you’re a submissive who should be prosecuted under the trades descriptions act. You’re too wrapped up in serving yourself to worry about the small matter of serving the one you’ve deceived into thinking you’re the real deal, a genuine, no bullshit slave.
Where are the questions about him? What about his needs, desires, hopes and expectations? They’re the questions a slave ponders because, to a slave, they’re what really matters. What gave a submissive such delusions of grandeur? Read one too many Gor quotes? Seen one too many Royo or Vallejo painting? Surrounded by ‘sisters’ who all call themselves ‘slave’ and make you feel inferior, despite the fact they’re likely all as clueless as you? Do you have any fucking idea what it is, really is, to be slave? Ask ten ‘slaves’ what they seek in a dominant and 9 of them will list off what they want him to provide for her. They’ll have this long list of wants and fantasies and needs that they will expect him to fulfil for them.
What a slave seeks in a man is that one person who will allow them to prove their worth to him to such an extent that he will never want for anything that they can provide or help to provide. A slave is absolutely essential to a man, indispensable and vital. She is like air to him, allowing him to breathe and truly live. A slave craves her man, craves to know him, to provide for him, to please him. She lives for him and he lives because of her.
It’s not about what she is prepared to do, not about what she knows how to do. If she doesn’t know, she understands he will show her as he sees fit. She will learn whatever she has to in order to serve him better and that goes from how he wants his coffee in the morning to how he wants her to bring his cane after a bad day so he can work his frustrations out on her backside.
Ouch… that’s a nasty one, isn’t it? Man has a shitty day, comes home in a foul mood and makes you pay for it. That’s abuse isn’t it? No, that’s reality. The romantic may think a nice relaxing massage and blowjob would do the trick. The realist knows that not only might he want to vent on her flesh, but that if she sees that frustration in his eyes then she goes and gets the cane and offers it to him.
A slave has one expectation; to be all he needs her to be, regardless of anything. She has that one expectation because she does not serve needs; she serves the man and the man, to her, is worth any and all sacrifices she may have to make to please him.
It’s safe to say that, as I see it, very few self-described slaves are what they say they are. Most are simply infatuated with a self-created romantic ideal, not the reality. In short, they’re a submissive and not even a very good one, at that. You see, a submissive should know she serves two people; herself and the one she offers the potential of her submission to. A submissive juggles her expectations with his, her needs with his and walks a very, very fine line. On the one hand she has inside her a need to yield, to give of herself but she also has a very strong sense of self-preservation and the two do not make easy bedfellows.
She turns to her man for guidance, encouragement and discipline, reaching out her hand to feel him take it and lead her. She trusts him to not only know what’s best for her, but also what’s worst for her, steering her away from things she is not ready to face directly, introducing them slowly instead, taking his time, letting her get comfortable in these new surroundings.
I’ve always said submission is potential and, as potential, it is an unknown quantity. The girl does not know what she is capable of doing or having done to her and she has to trust and believe in the man she follows. And neither does he know what she is capable of doing or having done to her. Together, they explore her mind and body, sometimes fast, sometimes slow and always with purpose and intent. They learn of each other, listen and talk, voicing their concerns and doubts, hopes and desires.
Submission is a fragile thing, easily broken or reduced down, and it needs nurturing and caring for by the man before it can begin to grow. For a slave, the question of their own submission does not occur to them. The thoughts of what they can or cannot do, what they will or will not do, are barely considered; it’s counter-intuitive because it focuses on them, not him. If they do not have the knowledge or constitution to provide what he needs then they’ll learn, they’ll help to provide it through other means such as a third party, or they’ll fail. There’s no middle ground with a slave, no ‘maybe’; you do or you don’t, you provide or you don’t and you succeed or you fail in your place and purpose.
You do not become slave lightly and you do not do it with rose-tinted glasses on.
And to those subs that have actually spoken to a real slave, are you starting to understand why they sneered at you? Why they listen to you, shake their heads and call you wannabes? Getting a clue about what being slave demands of you yet? The sacrifices, the selfless service? How many have called themselves slave to a man who then goes ‘weird’ on her? How many have run the checklist of the man, ticking all the points that matter to her, making sure he doesn’t want a poly relationship, has no interest in bestiality or cutting and blah, blah, blah before offering themselves as his slave? And how many have then found that man change; begin to demand what they do not want to give? Suddenly developed an interest in degrading you and humiliating you? How many have found that the man gets bored, disinterested, pushes you away? How many have offered themselves as slave just so they can write it on their profile?
That kind of a girl forgets about serving the man on his terms and instead serves him on her terms. She serves the bits of him she approves of and calls herself his slave, forgetting that part of her responsibility to him is to ensure he can come to her for everything, good or bad.
I will say it again for the dense ones at the back of the class; she serves the man, not his needs. The pleasure and fulfilment of the man is the slave’s responsibility. She doesn’t sit there and wait for her cue, quietly kneeling until he speaks and jumping to whatever task he sets her. A slave also seeks to learn of him, to dig into him, pushing him to push himself, to allow him to look into himself, see the things half-hidden that dare not come out to anyone but her.
She seeks to know the very depths of him, the dark and the light, and embraces both with equal relish. To a slave, such knowledge allows her to fulfil him in ways that only she can, ensuring that she is as essential to him as he is to her. No slave sits back in contentment because there is always more to do, always more to provide, always more to learn. She never takes her place for granted, never assumes it is hers by right, never hopes or expects he will be happy. ‘What are my limits?’ becomes ‘what are his limits?’ to a slave and a slave also knows that they may change in time and, as slave, she will have to change with them. He may not want to see you with a dog when you become his, but two years later he may find the idea intoxicating. Why? It doesn’t matter. Maybe because his slave has done so well in serving his needs, fulfilled him so perfectly, that he seeks to push her further, demand more. Maybe he simply likes the idea of her getting it on with a Labrador.
Either way, not only is it the slaves responsibility to provide that, a slave will want to provide it because he will find pleasure in her doing so. It will please him, make him happy, make him content and that is what drives a slave, what she needs; approval, validation, a place and purpose. She wants to be perfection for him and will pay any price to be that very thing. Any price. A slave who is dismissed from her man will wonder where she fell short, what she could have done better. Even if the man is a feckless, know-nothing moron, a slave remembers one thing above all else; she chose him. Even if she accepts he wasn’t worth pissing on if he’d been on fire, she will still berate herself for wasting her time with him. The failing may be his, but the slave will want to take at least some of the responsibility. She will do it to learn by her mistakes so that when she finds the right one, she will not offer her service lightly again.
There are many failed slaves who will speak of his failings to her, listing off his shortcomings in her eyes. He wasn’t this, he wasn’t that, she needed or wanted something she couldn’t give. Again, blah, blah, blah. The wannabe mantra; he failed me but I am slave, hear me roar. A slave will understand one thing; she willingly gave up all choices bar one and she got it wrong. She will accept it, digest it, understand it and move on.
What exists inside her is too vital, too important and too valuable to the one it is meant for and she won’t waste time thinking of the one it wasn’t meant for.
A submissive chooses who and how she serves.
A slave chooses who she serves.
this is the blog of Castle on MDS
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