Silver Diamond's blog: "Thought for the Day"

I received a call yesturday from the nursing home my mom has been in for the last several years. She was diagnosed with Lewybody's disease.

This is a disease that is closely related to both Parkinsons and Altzheimers as it tends to mimic both diseases symptoms.

She does not know who I am anymore. She hasn't for about 2 years now. She is lost in her own world.

The nursing home informed me that my mom is declining. She has withdrawn farther into her world and has stopped eating. The hospice nurse says that they don't expect her to last much longer. She's dying. Probably within the next couple months, if not sooner.

I have had my older brother and my step-mom both die in December. My step-mom ON Christmas day. Now my mom is not expected to make it to 2010.

I'm beginning to wonder if there is some weird Christmas curse on my family.

I'm wondering if knowing that someone is going to die is better than a sudden death? Both my brother and step-mom were sudden. Which was devastating to my family. Yet, in trying to make my kids understand and deal with it, I find myself questioning my own strength. I have always been the strong one, the one everyone leans on for comfort. But I'm wondering who will be my shoulder?

Death has never scared me before. But as I think about and watch my mom slowly dying, I'm beginning to get a little scared.

At least the hospice nurse says she seems to be happy and safe in her world. I can only hope she dies feeling happy and safe.

I love you mom.