HUN37's blog: "DarkAngel37"

I'D LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU TO ALL THE FUBARSIANS THAT SENT ME GIFTS AND IM ALSO SORRY THAT IT OOK ME SO LONG INOW HAVE A JOB SINCE SEPTEMBER AND I HAVENT BENE BALE TO GET TO ALL MY WEBSITES SINCE I DONT GET HOM TILL 4 PM AND I GET TIRED SN SORE AFTER BEINBG THERE FROM 9 AM TILL 4 OM ETC SO AGAIN IM SORRY TO YOU ALL..

Those Steal Bars As the steal bars confine you so does the loneliness confine me. I have yet to feel your heart beating as i sit and think of what it was like when i had you in my arms at night. As the steal bars confine you my heart cry's our for your very touch i lay awake at night thinking that you and i will together once more. Those steal bars may hold you in but in my dreams you still seem to be where i met you once before. at that gazebo of new found love we both felt for one another. Please tell me that i'll have you tell me that you'll never leave me no more. why do we part and then my tears begin again when you leave my side. How do i go on when you tell me that you have to go again When will me hurting stop and i will be with you by my side for ever more. by: Pauline K

Now I see it and I hear it in your voice as the conversation Is beginning to run dry.. We don’t have much to talk about and we seem to still give It a try.. We don’t say I love you and that seems to be okay cause It Don’t really bother me when I know that I love you down Deep inside.. Don’t you see we are slipping away from one another’s grasp And the more we slip the less we seem to know each other. I am feeling more than I am anything else and that is how I Know I am losing you .. Can we possibly go on with the way things are going or are you Willing to give this long distance relationship a chance.. I wanted so much to spend my life with you though now it seems That this may not be so easy to do .. For every day that I am without you a little bit of me is falling apart With every waking moment.. I try to be serious and you want me to laugh its getting to be hard For me to be a good wife to you .. I don’t’ know what you want from me of even ask of me to do . You never tell me or you never even let me know! Maybe in time things will work themselves out or maybe like your piczo Words I am running out of time….

My heart is breaking from with in my soul. Everything I known to be true seems to be a lie, Why do I fall in love so easily when all I get is Pain and hurt all over again. I cry for you to be my love long last the one I have Looked for all my life. You break my heart with words that make me cry inside The laughter I feel now is only fake when outside it once Was true . My feelings are leaving my broken heart I feel the pain growing Inside and yet I want to cover it up and never let it show. Why do you make me smile the way that you can, is it my Heart that urns for you deep within or is it just that I cant Bare to be with out you in my life any more, I’ve searched for you since my younger days and now that I have found you I feel I should let you go .. Maybe its that I have fallen in love with you that blurs my Wanting to let go of you that makes me stop and think.. You say that you love me yet in my heart I feel the opposite Of those feelings .. You brought out feeling inside that I wanted to die but now I Just want them deadened once again to feel no more pain.. To stop hurting , crying, wanting that love I though I found In you my love.. Maybe I’m just feeling that anger that came back inside Of me again that Is making me feel this way. Why do you hurt me the way that you do is this some sort of Mellow dramatic game that I am suppose to play along with. Am I your pawn in your game of life that needs to feel That fake feeling of love that you say you have for me inside Your heart.. I want to believe that you love me but now I don’t think that you Do its like some sort of lie that only gets bigger as the days go on.. Its like that song unconditional love but now to me its like I have Conditions to my life with you .. Win . Loose or draw. It seems that way to me now , I either win or I Don’t , well maybe I just lost the game and I just don’t know it .. Are you really what I think that you are my answer to my dreams To my life and my ever lasting love or is it just my dreams that have gotten the better of Me and I am just a pawn in this game of my own life … Lovers come and go but for ever never stays for ever to me in my life called dreams You came into my life and I into yours and all this time we never knew ourselves .. What would we be together as one or living far away from each others heart’s , this Is what my heart tells me inside .. I never wanted to be left with out you for ever to become one , but as we go on into This thing we call love things then have been changing and yet we still go on .. Why do we do this to one another is this how love is suppose to be hurting each other and Trying to prove who is stronger or who is the better one , well if that is what love is then I don’t understand what love is .. I know that you’re my forever and that is what I want it to be you and I for ever but if all we Can do is bicker and fight with one another than what kind of love is that we have …?

NO GOING BACK AS I LOOK INTO MY FUTURE IT REMINDS ME OF MY PAST AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME THEN. IN SOME WAYS MY LIFE THEN AND MY LIFE NOW BRINGS ME BACK AND I CANNOT MOVE ON IF I KEEP STAYING IN MY PAST OR RELIVING IT. I NEED TO LIVE MY FUTURE WITH SOME JUSTIFICATION TO WHY I SEEM TO RELIVE WHAT MY PAST HAS PUT ME THROUGH AND WHAT IT MAY DO TO ME NOW IN MY PRESENT LIFE .. I SEE THING THAT ARE NOW HAPPENING TO ME BUT ARE FROM MY PAST AND IN SOME WAY THEY SEEM TO BE BRINGING BACK THE ANGER THAT I THOUGHT I HAD LEFT BEHIND .. IS THIS WHAT I NEED IS TO RELIVE WHAT I THOUGHT I HAD PUT BEHIND ME OR CAN IT BE THAT SOME SORT OF TEST IS BEING PLAYED ON ME AND I AM FAILING MISERABLY.. WHAT IF I DIED WHAT WOULD THEY SAY ON MY TOMB : HERE LIES PAULINE SHE LIVED A MISERABLE YET SOMETIMES HAPPY LIFE WHAT WOULD MY FAMILY/FRIENDS SAY IF I LEFT THEM SO SUDDEN. . WELL THEN I WOULD HAVE LIVED A SHORT LIFE FOR THOSE THAT REALLY DID LOVE AND CARE ABOUT ME: MY CHILDREN , THEY WIL BE MY REASON TO STAY HERE AND THEY WOULD ALSO BE MY REASON NOT TO GIVE UP ON WHAT IS SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME > MY HEART & SOUL ARE HURTING SO BAD THAT MAYBE ITS TIME FOR ME STEP BACK AND TAKE A LOOK AT MYSELF AND SEE IT FROM HOW MY LIFE IS NOW……~

ITS FUNNY HOW SOME PEOPLE THAT YOU THOUGHT OF AS YOUR FRIENDS TURN OUT TO BE YOUR ENEMIES IN THE END. WHEN YOU GO THROUGH YOUR CHILDHOOD AND PICK OUT ALL THE GOOD TIMES THAT YOU HAVE HAD GROWING UP IT KINDA MAKES YOU WONDER. WERE YOU EVER REALLY FRIENDS OR JUST SOMEONE THAT YOU HUNG AROUND WITH FOR SOME REASON OR RATHER. MAYBE, ITS LIKE THAT OR MAYBE ITS JUST THAT YOU FELT SORRY FOR THAT ONE PERSON WHO TO YOU LOOK SINGLED OUT IN THE CROWD. IT COULD BE THAT YOU WANTED TO LOOK LIKE YOU WERE TRYING TO BE NICE IN FRONT OF YOUR CROWD OF FRIENDS AS WELL. WELL WHAT EVER IT MAY BE FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS TO THE END TO ME. IF EVER A FRIEND IS NOT YOUR FRIEND ANY LONGER THAN SHE OR HE WERE NEVER YOUR FRIENDS TO BEGIN WITH.. SOMETIMES YOU FIND THAT ONE TRUE FRIEND THAT WILL HAVE YOUR BACK AND HE OR SHE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED THEM THE MOST OR JUST CAUSE THEY WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU . THEY ARE VERY COOL TO HAVE AROUND ONLY IF THEY ARE REAL FRIENDS TO YOU IN THAT SENCE ITS LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE THAT FAVORITE DESERT THAT YOU WANT BUT THE STORE DOESN’T HAVE IT BUT YOU SETTLE WITH WHAT THEY HAVE . BUT FOR FRIENDS YOU DON’T JUST SETTLE CAUSE FRIENDSHIP IS NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU JUST SETTLE FOR IN THIS LIFE TIME TODAY..

NO GOING BACK AS I LOOK INTO MY FUTURE IT REMINDS ME OF MY PAST AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME THEN. IN SOME WAYS MY LIFE THEN AND MY LIFE NOW BRINGS ME BACK AND I CANNOT MOVE ON IF I KEEP STAYING IN MY PAST OR RELIVING IT.. I NEED TO LIVE MY FUTURE WITH SOME JUSTIFICATION TO WHY I SEEM TO RELIVE WHAT MY PAST HAS PUT ME THROUGH AND WHAT IT MAY DO TO ME NOW IN MY PRESENT LIFE .. I SEE THING THAT ARE NOW HAPPENING TO ME BUT ARE FROM MY PAST AND IN SOME WAY THEY SEEM TO BE BRINGING BACK THE ANGER THAT I THOUGHT I HAD LEFT BEHIND .. IS THIS WHAT I NEED IS TO RELIVE WHAT I THOUGHT I HAD PUT BEHIND ME OR CAN IT BE THAT SOME SORT OF TEST IS BEING PLAYED ON ME AND I AM FAILING MISERABLY.. WHAT IF I DIED WHAT WOULD THEY SAY ON MY TOMB : HERE LIES PAULINE SHE LIVED A MISERABLE YET SOMETIMES HAPPY LIFE WHAT WOULD MY FAMILY/FRIENDS SAY IF I LEFT THEM SO SUDDEN.. WELL THEN I WOULD HAVE LIVED A SHORT LIFE FOR THOSE THAT REALLY DID LOVE AND CARE ABOUT ME: MY CHILDREN , THEY WIL BE MY REASON TO STAY HERE AND THEY WOULD ALSO BE MY REASON NOT TO GIVE UP ON WHAT IS SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME > MY HEART & SOUL ARE HURTING SO BAD THAT MAYBE ITS TIME FOR ME STEP BACK AND TAKE A LOOK AT MYSELF AND SEE IT FROM HOW MY LIFE IS NOW……~