There are times that I wish I could be one of those cruel, heartless people that just doesn't care about others and their feelings. Why do I have to have such a strong conscience and why in the hell do I always have to listen to it? LOL
I know it's because it's the right thing to do, etc but sometimes, I don't want to do the right thing. I finally reconnected with someone from my past who I have never stopped loving and never stopped caring for and about. Life took us down our different paths, so we lost contact until recently.
I'll be damned if the first time we saw each other it wasn't like a day had passed. All those original feelings came flooding back and I wanted nothing more than to pick up where we left off. Unfortunatley, or fortuantely, I don't know which yet LOL, my conscience kicked in and I just couldn't do it. I can't just act like the last 2 years of my life have meant nothing. Luckily he agreed. :) This is why I still love him. I still don't remember what went wrong, and neither does he, but we thought we had lost what we had then. Guess not.
I just hate knowing that what I have longed for all these years is right there, but I can't just walk away from the past 2 years hoping that things will be like they were before, if not better.
I hate trying to get my head to reason with my heart, because I know that you should always follow your heart. I can't right now, because I know if I follow my heart, I'm going to hurt a lot of people, and I just can't do that. So, once again, it looks like I'm going to sacrifice what I want for what I think is right for everyone else.
I just hope I'm making the right decision....
