Well, I guess it truely is over. I tried to make things work, but I guess trying wasnt good enough. My heart feels like it has been ripped into a million pieces and no one cares. I should have known something like this was going to happen. I should have protected myself. But I was stupid, nieve, however you want to put it. Yeah, I fucked up and didnt say somethings like I should have, but I didnt think it was that bad. Thats what I get for thinking I guess. I dont know what to do with myself right now. I just sit and stare at nothing most of the time, just thinking about everything that went wrong. All I wanted was a family of my own. Stupid thinking on my part. I have never really ever had any suicidal thoughts, but I have wanted to cause pain to myself just so the emotional pain could be drowned out by the physical. Its just to much. All this and then I have to go to court on Monday for a dumbass who doesnt want his kid. I am not mentally strong enough for all of this. I dont have it in me to keep going and fight for what I believe or want or anything like that. I am at the point where I just want to give up. After Monday, and when the "father" really finds out that our daughter is actually his, he is going to try and take me to court for custody and for some reason, I am afraid they will give it to him and his wife just because he is married and probably has a more stable home for her then I do. I cant lose her. That would definitly be the last straw. I would just break down and then I really wouldnt know what to do. I dont deserve all this shit being thrown at me. Am I not better then all of this? Do I not deserve better? What the hell did I do for all this shit to happen to me, and so close together? I need to find strength, but it is definitly avoiding me. I need help.. Somebody, please..
