Sleep escapes me tonight, yet again. I have so much on my mind, yet not many people know about some things and it is not yet time to tell. I look in the mirror and see how unattractive I look/feel. No wonder I cannot find a decent man to love me. I can't even bare to love myself. I have so much I want to change about myself, but none of the self-motivation or confidence that I may need. I actually cried over my ex today. It has been almost 4 months since I have done that. Am I regressing in getting over him? Is that possible? When someone breaks my heart, I am depressed for a few days, and then I go about my life like nothing happened, making up reasons to hate the person who did it, even if they are unlogical reasons to do so. It makes it easier to pull myself away from said person. Makes it easier to not love them anymore. Or so I thought. I don't know what I am going to do with my life. I don't know what I am going to do for my daughter. I love my job, and I hope to stay there for as long as possible, but I want my daughter to have more. Have things she wants and needs. Unlike my childhood, I want her to be happy and know I love her. I just wish I wasn't so alone. My friends abandoned me when I got pregnant with her, and friends that have come since, disappeared shortly after. I don't think I am that bad of a person. People my age are just now turning 21 and getting the experience of drinking and going out and having fun. I can't do that stuff. I have other priorities. But one always wonders..... I just wish I had someone to talk to, that understands where I am coming from. Someone to hang out with, even if my daughter is around, and things stay "G" rated without the other person getting pissed about it. Someone who can accept me for me and my daughter for who she is and who her father is. No one is going to like everyone in this world, but that does not mean you need to single out a little child because of it. I guess I just wish for so much. Though again, I highly doubt more then 4 people will read this, it feels good to get it out in the open. It's all just a bunch of mumbo jumbo, unorganized thoughts, but who cares. It makes sense to me, and that's all that matters.
