Over 16,537,223 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Telepath wanted: you know where to apply
Inland Revenue: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
Watch out for the idiot behind me
I’m driving this way just to piss you off
Keep honking, I’m reloading.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in gravy
Don?t piss me off- I am running out of places to hide the bodies
Which is the odd one out- Texas, Alabama, Arkansas, Tolerance?
Ban toilet cleaner- Germs have feelings too
Be nice to your children- they choose your nursing home
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
Reality is for people with no imagination
Rehab Is for Quitters
All men are idiots, and I married their king.
Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
I’m out of estrogen and I’ve got a gun.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
They call it ’PMS’ because ’Mad Cow Disease’ was already taken.
Police Station Toilet Stolen.... Cops have nothing to go on.
Ham and eggs - A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Welcome to Kentucky - Set your watch back 20 years.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Ground Beef: A Cow with No Legs
never takes life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
I used to be indecisive; now I’m not sure.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Despite the cost of living, it’s still popular.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Clones are people two.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a speed bump and spill your drink.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
All generalizations are false.
I brake for fairys, elves, gnomes, the toothfairy, the easter bunny, santa and other little creatures that only I can see
New! Divorce Barbie. Barbie doll with all of Ken’s accessories.
Men are not pigs. Pigs are sweet, intelligent, sensitive, clean animals.
I love animals- they taste great.
Where there’s a will, I wanna be in it.
Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
Never let school get in the way of your EDUCATION.
Hard work never hurt anybody, but then I figured why take the risk.
I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter
Everyone makes mistakes, thats why pencil have erasers
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Obsession is the word lazy people give to those of us who are motivated.
I have PMS. Therefore I can legally kill you.
When in doubt- shup up!
If they dont have chocolate in heaven, I AINT GOING!
I’m talking to myself- please don’t eavesdrop!
I got kicked outta Scouts for eating a Brownie.
Diahoerea is a heredatory ilness, it runs in the genes.
Im a bomb technition, if you see me running, try to keep up.
