do you ever find yourself in a place that you wish on a star for a small wish that fills your heart and then suddenly reality hits and you stand there speechless ?you look in the mirror and don't recognize your own face, you open your chest and see your heart as it beats and you listen to the beat of your heart the music of your soul , and the small wish aches as you breathe, i am left breathless, i am left here crying asking why and the reality of my life hits me in waves shifts of energy that seem to pour from every spiritual orpheus that moves within me. i try desperately to find my balance and that was the lesson " balance"balance in the midst of chaos and love "yes love" love is chaos for the heart ,for the mind, for the soul "yes it is" and i breathe in again and there it was the lesson as the universe came barreling through my mind like a bull in a china shop it wasn't graceful it wasn't quiet it was like glass crashing all around me , i utter over and over that i love him "yes i do" but the reality is that i am so lost i am so fragile that there maybe an accidental injury and i know i cant withstand another heart ache, i know i do not want to survive another man in my life and i have tired desperately to have him be not another one of "those" men, i have tried so hard to not whisper his name in my dreams , and i realize there is no more wishing on stars because when i wish the universe, creator hears my small prayers the small cries of my heart , and i know the lesson "yes i do" i know them it is burned into my soul. so i sit here under this tree as the leaves shade me and i lean against the strong trunk because right now its the only thing holding me up, i feel like i am a butterfly just emerging from the cocoon waiting for my wings to be set free from its entrapment and as they do will i slowly take flight, i will fly i will feel the freedom of the winds against my wings i will know the freedom that only flight can bring and as i move through the winds they gently lift me higher and i fly until i find a flower to rest upon and then i am here again grounded in this body feeling the grass beneath my bare feet and i breathe in and i whisper his name again in my prayers now my small wishes are to be able to let go of the fear. to go with the flow like everyone says "its moving at the pace its suppose too" and there is this trust this fear that paralyzes me and i breathe in deep and the tears flow and my heart begins to soar like the butterfly and i whisper i love him "yes i do" and as the sunsets as the moon comes from behind the clouds in the sky so we may see her i am slowly grasping this reality and i pray " no more fear" and i will keep praying "no more fear "until i can breathe easy and one day i will...............
