i slowly drift through the eons that have no name no place no time
i drift in the oceans waves as they crash against the shore of my life
i dream in vivid hues of color each with its on intrinsicate design
i watch as the clouds float by spilling the names of delicates souls walking blind
time seems to linger day by day as the sun rises and the moon falls behind a veil of darkness
i weep as the shards of tears fall from my eyes leaving behind the cracked porcelain that is my smile
this doll you see as she breathes in all that creates vitality
winds of ribbons wrap around my feet slowly engulfing me
they flow to and fro they dance in shadows and move the hands of time
causing the paradox in my mind
and i drift
the hour glass shatters and the time of age has come.
i have spent the last 4 years writing a book about my spiritual path and how my life has come to this point , today my mom finished editing the last chapter of my book , in me there is this deep sense of accomplishment , and i feel like i have done something good , i know that even if it isnt on the best sellers list that it will touch peoples lives , there is this sense of wonder that i have in me now and a thought of exactly what i can accomplish if i set my mind to it , now all thats left is for me to send it to the publishers , i am so proud of myself i know that when i get the first copy of my book i am going to read it as if it was written by someone else i know there is still so much i need to learn and so much that my book covered i am in awe of it i am in awe that creator trusted me with something so special , there is also knowing that my voice is out there that it will be heard , its strange really to accomplish a dream , i always wanted to write a book my goal was 35 but i am 36 going on 37 so i guess i accomplished my goal it just took a year longer then my original goal when i was sixteen lol so now i kinda sit in wonder and take a deep breathe cause you know what this is it :)
Nobody loves me,
Nobody picks me peaches and pears.
Nobody offers me candy and Cokes,
Nobody listens and laughs at me jokes.
Nobody helps when I get in a fight,
Nobody does all my homework at night.
Nobody misses me,
Nobody thinks I'm a wonderful guy.
So if you ask me who's my best friend, in a whiz,
I'll stand up and tell you that Nobody is.
But yesterday night I got quite a scare,
I woke up and Nobody just wasn't there.
I called out and reached out for Nobody's hand,
In the darkness where Nobody usually stands.
Then I poked through the house, in each cranny and nook,
But I found somebody each place that I looked.
I searched till I'm tired, and now with the dawn,
There's no doubt about it-
I’m the Dragon of Grindly Grun,
I breathe fire as hot as the sun.
When a knight comes to fight
I just toast him on sight,
Like a hot crispy cinnamon bun.
When I see a fair damsel go by,
I just sigh a fiery sigh,
And she’d baked like a ‘tater-
I think of her later
With a romantic tear in my eye.
I’m the Dragon of Grindly Grun,
But my lunches aren’t very much fun,
For I like my damsels medium rare,
and they always come out well done.
is this the light that fills my heart as it radiates across the sky and the night turns to day ,
there they are standing in the midst of the universe ,
they play their child like games and sing memories of lullabys
i watch as the sky collides with the sea i watch as paper boats float carried upon the waters path as they travel to far off lands.
as diamonds of rain fall from the sky and the thunder clouds crash and lightening touches down upon dry land
and i wish for a moment , as i watch the universe unfold for me like a flower i realize there are so many dreams i have yet to dream,there is this reality that i am enraptured in, as the moon rises high in the sky i bathe in her light in the deep indigo of night , i hear the symphony of life in this night and i humm quietly keeping in rythym.
there they stand before me illuminated they release in me this light thats hidden within, they release the creation of my life and in ribbons the light cascades all around me , the winds whip around me as the ribbons flow from my body, in this movement and elegaic dance with verses that sing in time with the symphony of night , and i stand here surrounded by this beauty this elegant dance of light.
i close my eyes and softly kiss his lips bring him into me so i can breathe him in again, so i can rest in his presence, so i can see clearly what lies a head as it is reflected in his eyes and him this illuminary his light casting away all shadows that surround me, so i may see the clear path on which i tread .
night slowly fades as the sun moves high in the eastern sky and the moon slides quietly into her next phase she wanes she waxes she lights the other side of the worlds night .
the light fills my heart i watch as the morning glories bloom i watch their purple petals open as if a new day has arrived "yes it has" and now the symphony of day fills my ears. the birds sing the earth comes alive with sound and yet there is this lingering silence left in my heart and it is the keeper of my mind , as i walk along this path to find my one true gift i walk along this path to find the light that radiates from within me and i know that as i move as the moon and sun, i will walk along this path until the lotus of the heart opens the lotus of the mind organizes my thoughts and the lotus of purity blooms within.
i feel them come together i feel them merge and i will follow my heart, i will follow my mind until i find this place of enlightenment.
when i will have come to the end of my journey where i will close my eyes and bask in its lights, where i will feel the calm of soul and my wishes will have no more words and my heart and soul may rest ,and i will finally have found the light which lay inside of me and this name i utter "illuminary"............
do you ever find yourself in a place that you wish on a star for a small wish that fills your heart and then suddenly reality hits and you stand there speechless ?you look in the mirror and don't recognize your own face, you open your chest and see your heart as it beats and you listen to the beat of your heart the music of your soul , and the small wish aches as you breathe, i am left breathless, i am left here crying asking why and the reality of my life hits me in waves shifts of energy that seem to pour from every spiritual orpheus that moves within me. i try desperately to find my balance and that was the lesson " balance"balance in the midst of chaos and love "yes love" love is chaos for the heart ,for the mind, for the soul "yes it is" and i breathe in again and there it was the lesson as the universe came barreling through my mind like a bull in a china shop it wasn't graceful it wasn't quiet it was like glass crashing all around me , i utter over and over that i love him "yes i do" but the reality is that i am so lost i am so fragile that there maybe an accidental injury and i know i cant withstand another heart ache, i know i do not want to survive another man in my life and i have tired desperately to have him be not another one of "those" men, i have tried so hard to not whisper his name in my dreams , and i realize there is no more wishing on stars because when i wish the universe, creator hears my small prayers the small cries of my heart , and i know the lesson "yes i do" i know them it is burned into my soul. so i sit here under this tree as the leaves shade me and i lean against the strong trunk because right now its the only thing holding me up, i feel like i am a butterfly just emerging from the cocoon waiting for my wings to be set free from its entrapment and as they do will i slowly take flight, i will fly i will feel the freedom of the winds against my wings i will know the freedom that only flight can bring and as i move through the winds they gently lift me higher and i fly until i find a flower to rest upon and then i am here again grounded in this body feeling the grass beneath my bare feet and i breathe in and i whisper his name again in my prayers now my small wishes are to be able to let go of the fear. to go with the flow like everyone says "its moving at the pace its suppose too" and there is this trust this fear that paralyzes me and i breathe in deep and the tears flow and my heart begins to soar like the butterfly and i whisper i love him "yes i do" and as the sunsets as the moon comes from behind the clouds in the sky so we may see her i am slowly grasping this reality and i pray " no more fear" and i will keep praying "no more fear "until i can breathe easy and one day i will...............
decadent blue hues travel across the landscape in my mind and i dream of oceans falling and dancing across the shores of my life
it is with a simple question i ask, is this some deeply profound moment in which i have found love ?
and as the wicked winds rip at my skin as the mourning of acients fills my ears i ask myself am i nothing or am i a refelction in this mirror of hope that carries the breath of my life through eons
my breath breathes and moments like this cast away the shadows that hide in my life and i cry a river as it moves to and fro as it carves its own way and with a glimmer of hope i pray
the whispers the pour through my lips leaving the slience lingering and the quiet words spoken as i invite you "come into the deep waters that are my mind"
and i close my eyes hear her voice as it echos across the landscape that is my soul and i wish small favors of the universe and i dream as time slips through my fingers like the sands of an hour glass
you tread upon my heart with your words, with your soul, with your sigh and memories of an old life and i breathe forever "this is nothing" as it rings in my ears. for i have no place amoung you or with you even away from you as you captivated my soul as i drown in the deep pools that are your eyes and i sleep in the depth of the indigo night
please come to me she says as i stand here lost as i stand here with vacancy in my being as the darkness consumes my heart and i shatter like glass leaving shards of myself for others to see as they walk past me as i lay in this sarcoughgus.
the colors have begun to change and so has my life, my memories fade away into demensions that move acorss time and i step back only to see myself shattered and i pray will his delicate hands piece me back together and will this love or wish of love fill my heart and free me from this fire that burns so deep it incenerates my heart ,
i falter as my steps become weak as my knees give out from under me in pure exhuastion and i look back to lifetimes i have traveled through only to be left more confused
i hope, i pray, i weep will enlightenement ever come to me and i ask myself to love once again but not him, not her but myself
i walk through the demenstions of time waiting for my awakening because i do not recognize it and i pray to love myself, to adore myself, to know what it is to be complete.
i am tired of the wounded healer i am tired of their energy rubbing off on me i am tired of souls that seep like black sludge i am tired of the willful ignorance that seems to blind their vision of what this reality holds in front of them, i am tired of the neivity the innocence that they seem to carry the innocence that is lost from me, i am tired of my bleeding hands as i watch the life pour out of me and move across the hard wood floor.
and then i see a glimmer of who i am and who i am meant to be, i see a glimmer of the life i want so badly, i wait and i weep, i plead and i pray waiting for the moment when my life comes full circle ,and then i see a kelidiscope of color i see my inner chakra released and i know as i travel in this lifetime in the demsions that move far beyond my mind that i walk in time that i walk with you that i breathe you in as your hand touches my face as your arms surround me and i am embraced, although you do not see me, although you do not feel me i know i can bare one more day because he walks beside me , i know i can live one more day because the universe guides me and i know i can live one more day as the kundilini burns like a raging fire within my soul and i know i can live one more day because in all this i see my true destiny....................
If Midnight Had A Voice
If Midnight Had A Voice
if midnight had a voice
would it sound like a soft whisper of the ancients
and if memories carried meanings
they would be carried in the stories that shimmer in your eyes
life lingers long within moments of you
i wake to find myself intertwined with this soul
the vitality that holds bittersweet thoughts
i could cry tears into a a lake of longing
as your being speaks sounding against the indigo sky
obscure dreams fill my sleep
i find the reflection of you
in this mirror, in this echo of time
as i take each moment into myself
lost in the lachrymose of quiet voices
each vision filled with the sweet taste of honey
as it lingers like wine in a glass,
as it lingers like the delicate sent of flowers
in the summer nite air
i discover myself enraptured
in worshipful listening
to your book of introspections and momentary ectasies
that carry themselves into a world of their own
i stand here watching the sun and moon collide
remaining here to trace the steps of the path you have traveled
and in my mind a sentiment brought to me
as the soft echo of your soul as it sings
in this reverie i am infused in the embraces of bodily love
my breath taken away by the beauty thats come before me
as the dew of pleasure cascades like waterfalls
i am adrift in this misshaped tide
as her waves crash against the shore of my life
and in this trice of time i wait
to touch you ,to adore you, to hold you away in my heart
if i lost my my way would you lead me back to this sacred place
or watch as my labored breathing searched to find its self
finding balance in all these things you have given to me
i am captivate by the subtle grace reflected in your eyes
and in utterance i whisper the glimpse of you i precieve
within the waves of this gentle tide.............
i have seen her fly on delicate wings
i have listened as her song of flight she did sing
i have gone on journey's in her mind
had moments where i've fallen behind
within her pages she told her stories
lost in memories that carried her forward
as i open the book that holds her memories
i get lost in the verses of antistrophe
as she flutters within a trice of time
she falls upon the oceans gentle tide
her dance, her thoughts hold only her heart
as she found her balance between light and dark
her night arised as the moon does wane
intricate design on her wings as the play
to leave a reflective thought
upon the canvas of legends she sought
i close my eyes and dare to dream
lost in a woven tapestry
i have waken to my hearts song
captivated in a decade to long
now i have flown on delicate wings
into her world called antistrophe ...........
If life cascaded as waterfalls
would i dream in vivid colors
if this reverie found a safe harbor
would i seek to find a moment of ectasy
as the children play in waters deep and cool
could it be everything i said to you
and if i saw a bird as she sang her song
would my life last more then a moment long
and i could dance
lost in a meditative trance
as the music in ribbons wrap around me
and this would be the vision i see
the hidden world that hinders on life and death
would my mind splinter and i would lose each breath
or could i breathe with the waters of this fall
and notice i am but a grain of sand
that this life of mine is so small
and in this place of redemption words lose their meaning
and i feel liquid fluid like water
as i dance in an endulating movements across the midnight sky
would i mourn part of myself
would i cry lost tears
and would you whisper
a sacred word to help me find where i belong
and as life cascades as waterfalls
would i take in a brief moment of laughter
she the breeze would forever carry me
into the midnight space
and i would forever lose the trace
of some meaningful words that fell from my lips
my life cascades like water falls
and in this time i wade in the waters of mispent tears
and i wish to breathe as i see all the mysteris of the heavenlies
in fluid dances they stream like winds of ribbons at my feet..............