Know ye, of brite eyes and rumbling tummy, that yon ritual hast been performéd by thine ancestors since first man yearnéd for munchies. Prepareth, hence, for thy ritual by cleansing thy Desk area to preserve a sacred space for thy pizza, which shalt shortly be deliveréd unto ye by the hallowed messenger. Relinquish, thee, all papers and such which doth undoubtedly clutter thy sacred Desk until the time of pizza doth occur. And set ye out upon thy keyboard a mighty set of napkins, for the art of pizza ingestion ist a faulty process fraught with grease stains.
Upon this sacred preparation, annoint ye now thy lips with Cola of thy deity's significance and prepare to petition the spirits of thy local and most favoréd patron deity of pizza. Be it called upon by the name of Domino, Our Little Caesar, Howie the Hungry, or Great Father Romano...ye shalt call upon thy deity for spirited release from the hunger pangs of thy tummy.
Begin ye now the ritual. Take up the divination of thy telephone, and dial ye in thy pizza deity's sacred number, Qabalistic values thereof notwithstanding. Speak patiently and slowly thy hidden name and thy petition; take care to outline the detailings of thy contracted pizza lest the spirits deny ye a flavor ye hath not rememberéd.
Upon thy departure from the telephonic spirit realm, the herald of thy pizza deity shalt impart unto thee the wisdom to know what tribute this day be for thy request, and lo! 'Tis then that ye shalt make thy way towards thine wallet and retrieve therein the sacred coins requiréd to placate the pizza delivery lad.
Upon closure of thy sacred connection with the divinatory Telephone, hold ye up thy sacred coins and wait ye thrice ten minutes for the spirit to appear. If the spirit be late, thy sacred coins shalt lose their potency, and thou wilt receive thy pizza as a blessing free of charge. Else placate the messenger with thy coins upon his (or her) arrival, and ye shall gain thy petitioned pizza.
As anchovie, so bacon. So meade it be.
May thy workings be tasty and fattening.
Copyright © 2001 Sgaileach Sidhe
Used with permission.
