A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
=========================
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Corvette back to the mud hole
and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend the horse,
and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the
meadow again and this time the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!"
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said:
"Grab for my penis and pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
 
If you're hung like a horse,
you don't need a sports car to pick up chicks.
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A drunk guy 
invites his friends
in for a tour of his new apartment
after they drove him home after the
bar they all were at - had closed ...
Showing them his living room, the kitchen;
then staggering up stairs to show his bath / guest room
then he opens the door to master bedroom . . .
His guest all glance at each other
with a puzzled look as they all notice
this huge GONG right beside his bed.
Amused, one of the drunken host guest
speaks up:
"Hey, whats with the big GONG beside you bed?"
"Gong?"
the drunk replies in a slurring manner.
"Thats not a gong, THAT'S A TALKING CLOCK"!
"A talking clock"?
His guest say in unison,
looking at each other with a puzzled look.
Holding up his finger as to continue,
He stumbles over picking up the big mallet . . .
Then he strikes the the GONG.
As his friends
keep a now more questioned
glare at their host actions.
Awaiting echo of the gong to end ...
He smirks
with a assuring finger raised.
Then sure enough:
A voice booms from the other side of his apartment wall:
"ITS 3:32 IN THE MORNING
YOU EFFIN NUT"!
*hic*
"See . . . I told ya,
I always hearrrr
w-w-what timmme it isSs
*hic*
whenevvvvvver
*hic*
I strike it"
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One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher instructs
the class go home and think of a story
and then conclude the story by telling
what was the moral of that story.
The next day Billy tells his story:
"My dad fought in the Vietnam war,
his plane was shot down over enemy territory.
He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer,
a machine gun and a machete.
 
On the way down he drank the case of beer.
Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers.
He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets,
So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more,
but the blade on his machete broke ...
So he killed the last ten with his bare hands"
Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story?
Billy replies:
"Yeah ...
Don't mess with my dad
when he's been drinking"
Today's Joke made ME snicker
but - I think it's geared more for
the MALE Gender than the fairer sex
(Father/Son relationships)
Because growing up boys think
their fathers are superman -
well, that superman actually
wears pajamas of your dad!
So - We all thinks of them
as hulking hero's and then:
Top it off with our mothers Saying:
"Dont mess with your Dad, he's been drinking"
hehe
Just makes since to a lot of us guys ...
Kinda dated with the "NAM" reference tho . . .
My profile comment is an old takeoff
of yesteryears "CoMuMMents" (ugh)
I know - I know ... but I made them up for FUN!
Those days the Mumms were a lot different,
I mean still a mess and got a bit outta hand ...
But mostly FUN as long as you didn't post:
"Hot or Not"
"Coke or Pepsi"
"Shaved or Not"
Or go in for self-promotion
(point whoring) then they were fun!
Little known fact:
I was one of the earliest people to post mumms
(long before IMPS or Dio Cane)
And I used to primarily post stuff
to get people to come read my BLOGS!
Making questions geared towards the
Blogs subject matter and Linking them
to each other - to cross "promote"
*cough-wasNOTpointwhoring-cough*
So - Enjoy You Weekend!
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Our hero the fly was hovering about six inches above a pond.
There was a fish in the pond that thought:
"When that fly goes down,
I could jump up get it.
Then I can get some lunch!"
A bear was beside the pond wandering
how to reach the fish and he pondered:
"When that fly goes down,
the fish would jump up to get the fly,
and I could then reach the fish ...
Then I can get some lunch!"
A hunter had the bear in his sights
but couldnt get a clean shot, as he studied
"When that fly goes down,
the fish would jump up to get the fly,
the bear could reach the fish,
and I would get a good shot of the bear ...
Then I can get some lunch!"
A mouse happened to be under some
thick bush behind the hunter,
and he said to himself:
"When that fly goes down,
the fish would jump for the fly,
the bear would go for the fish,
the hunter would move to shoot the bear,
and the sandwich dangling in the hunter's coat pocket would fall ...
Then I can get some lunch!"
There was a cat behind the mouse
examining the whole scenario:
"When that fly goes down,
the fish would get the fly,
the bear would get the fish,
the hunter would get the bear,
the mouse would go from under the thick bush
for the sandwich and I could get the mouse ...
Then I can get some lunch!"
 Sure enough - that fly goes down ...
Then ALL  breaks loose ...
The fish jumps up for the fly,
The bear leans out for the fish,
The hunter got a better aim at the bear,
The sandwich falls on the ground for the mouse,
The cat went for the mouse - as you hear an awful commotion:
  
but missed and landed in the pond.
When that fly goes down -
Its a sure way to get a pussy wet.
So my third blog since being back
(yet again)
being my second "catcherized"
(my animation/style added) JOKE ...
I guess I'm looking for a new angle?
(and a few friends ribs to poke)
Cant afford to run in the 'bling' crowd ...
Havent got a fast enough computer
to run in - well, ANY crowd
-hehe-
To old for the "IN" crowd
To young for the grave ...
*Wonders to himself: should I be saved?*
I guess I start my own crowd!
Everyone likes to laugh (I guess)...
So drop by each day and
see if I "CATCH" your funnybone?
Or roll your eyes at my mess?
Come see the comment that I probably messed up
here at the bottom of the page.
hehe or just keep on what youre doing ...
Cuz the door always open & and this hippy dont like any cage!
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Picture a dark big city dead-end alley.
At the edge of the alleyway is a lone street light.
Under the light is a manhole ...
A businessman walking past notices a
hippy looking dude atop the manhole,
The man
- a laid back
- real cool looking cat -
was rocking the manhole cover back & forth
singing and seemingly having a good time.
The businessman is curious and
goes down the ally to investigate.
As the man gets closer he
hears the hippy singing loudly:
"Forty-four ... Forty-four"
The businessman, questions the hippy:
"Excuse me, good sir ...
You seem to be having a good time;
Might I ask what you are doing there on that manhole?"
The hippy slides his sunglasses down
without missing a beat to his swaying
motion atop the manhole replies with a smirk:
"44 ... It's the latest thing ... 44"
The hippy Continues:
"Everyones doing it ... 44 ... 44 ... 44"
The hippy continues to rock the manhole
cover with a style & grace making the
nerdy businessman wonder more about
the fun he was surely missing out on.
So the businessman after
careful thought speaks up:
"That sure does look fun,
could I have a go of it next?"
The hippy gives a half shrug and
nods coolly and said:
"44 ...
Happy to show you how my friend ...
44 ... 44 ... it's qui-- "
The businessman interrupts the hippy
in mid-sentence,
and rather rudely announces:
"NO NEED - I'VE FIGURED IT ALL OUT!"
assured if that "hippy" can do it --
a man of his education and stature could
easily do it -- do it better, even!
So the rude businessman
quickly gets on the manhole cover:
Kicks his heels back to each edge ...
Then yells out:
"forty-four"
As he starts to get the disk to a wobble ...
When the hippy states:
"Um hey dude ...
you should tri-"
The businessman interrupts again:
"I KNOW!
I can do it ... forty-four ... forty-four ...
forteeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee --"
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
 
AS THE MANHOLE COVER FLIPS AND
HE FALLS INSIDE THE MANHOLE!
The hippy,
unfazed walks over to the manhole;
kicks his heels back ...
rocks his hips as the disk rocks to and fro ...
and sings
"Forty - FIVE ... FORTY-FIVE ..."
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Speaking of JOKES:
Today's Comment might have
looked like one to some ...
Seems Fubars changed the
way the comments turn out ...
A lot of my stuff that
I put together in a certain
fashion to align in a column
Like so:
_
_
_
Ends up in a row:
_ _ _
Which misses up the whole outcome?
So heres the way it was supposed to look:
I'm sure I could think of what it's called  -IF- I didnt keep thinking about  'HUMP'ing  every other thought??? - Oh yeah - . . .  (duh) |
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