Why do you lie so? It doesnt make any sense at all to me. Why dont you just tell me what you really want? Why dont you just admit it. I get so mad thinking of all the things you have said to me only to find out that your actions say otherwise. Just when I start to feel like it doesnt matter anymore something happens and I realise it does. I know you want to feel young again. I know you dont want to have responsibilites. If it werent for the kids it would make no difference at all to me. I wrote you off long ago. I just want you to step up. I dont want money I dont want you I just want you to put more effort in to our kids. They deserve it all. You should see them. They are so grown up and responsible. They have grown so much and accomplished so much yet they are missing something. Why does it seem you are too busy for you that you cant get things together for them. There is always an excuse. When you had the kids I could not stand to have a day go by where I didnt talk to them. To stay in their lives. You use to call. You use to seem to care. The kids notice you dont call. They notice you dont seem interested when your together. They absorb much more than you realize. I wish you would shelter them more from the drama. They may seem busy and uninterested when you speak to your friends but they listen. They remember what you say. They hurt enough...dont add to it. On upon a time we shared the same dreams of raising a family to be better than what we had. I still hold that dream and I dedicate my life to fulfilling that dream and all our girls dreams. Where did it go for you? Is having fun that important to you? Look around you, what do you see? Look in the mirror, what do you see? A year from now what will be the same? Do you like what you see? Im upset. Im sad for our girls. I know I may seem harsh but I am really rootin for you to make a positive change. I wouldnt be putting myself through all this if I didnt want you to be a mom to our kids. I would just do this all in courts and walk away. Maybe I am prolonging the inevitable. Maybe you dont want to or unable to be mom. Maybe you have different goals and priorities. I just wish I would have saw that 9 years ago. Well I have taken something good of all this. I have proven myself the man I always thought I was. This fathers day I can enjoy knowing that I am a good dad. I know my girls will never forget that. The sacrafices I make I get rewarded everyday through the successes of our kids. There is no greater joy for me then witnessing them experiencing somethin new. You know I dont fault you for doing what you are doing that is what you need to do. I'm fine with that. I just wish you would admit what you want and let us all deal with it appropriately. It is too confusing for the kids and for myself with you talking one way and acting another. I made my choice 7 years ago when you found out you were pregnant. Play time for me ended and play time for the kids started. I will enjoy playing with them on there level. My focus is was and always be on them. They are all I have ever wanted. I am good with that.
