call me tater Dirty South Crew's blog: "Letters to my wife"

So we agreed months ago when school was out that my ex would have the kids while I worked and I would pick them up afterwars. Today was the first non school day. So I wake up at 6 am as always get the kids ready to go and leave. On my way I realized I wasnt sure where to take the kids so I call my ex...no answer. Oh this would figure here I am scheduled to be in a meetin at 8 am and I cant get ahold of my ex. So I went where I last knew she was and no ex. Called again...no answer well needless to say I was unable to get ahold of her. So yet again another let down. Now I thought this arrangement was what she wanted so she had more time with the kids. If I had known it would be like this I would have just continued day care arrangment. Im sorry taking the kids are such an inconvinence for you. I am beginning to understand why family courts exist. You can rely on the word of an ex. Whay a shame.

Why do you lie so? It doesnt make any sense at all to me. Why dont you just tell me what you really want? Why dont you just admit it. I get so mad thinking of all the things you have said to me only to find out that your actions say otherwise. Just when I start to feel like it doesnt matter anymore something happens and I realise it does. I know you want to feel young again. I know you dont want to have responsibilites. If it werent for the kids it would make no difference at all to me. I wrote you off long ago. I just want you to step up. I dont want money I dont want you I just want you to put more effort in to our kids. They deserve it all. You should see them. They are so grown up and responsible. They have grown so much and accomplished so much yet they are missing something. Why does it seem you are too busy for you that you cant get things together for them. There is always an excuse. When you had the kids I could not stand to have a day go by where I didnt talk to them. To stay in their lives. You use to call. You use to seem to care. The kids notice you dont call. They notice you dont seem interested when your together. They absorb much more than you realize. I wish you would shelter them more from the drama. They may seem busy and uninterested when you speak to your friends but they listen. They remember what you say. They hurt enough...dont add to it. On upon a time we shared the same dreams of raising a family to be better than what we had. I still hold that dream and I dedicate my life to fulfilling that dream and all our girls dreams. Where did it go for you? Is having fun that important to you? Look around you, what do you see? Look in the mirror, what do you see? A year from now what will be the same? Do you like what you see? Im upset. Im sad for our girls. I know I may seem harsh but I am really rootin for you to make a positive change. I wouldnt be putting myself through all this if I didnt want you to be a mom to our kids. I would just do this all in courts and walk away. Maybe I am prolonging the inevitable. Maybe you dont want to or unable to be mom. Maybe you have different goals and priorities. I just wish I would have saw that 9 years ago. Well I have taken something good of all this. I have proven myself the man I always thought I was. This fathers day I can enjoy knowing that I am a good dad. I know my girls will never forget that. The sacrafices I make I get rewarded everyday through the successes of our kids. There is no greater joy for me then witnessing them experiencing somethin new. You know I dont fault you for doing what you are doing that is what you need to do. I'm fine with that. I just wish you would admit what you want and let us all deal with it appropriately. It is too confusing for the kids and for myself with you talking one way and acting another. I made my choice 7 years ago when you found out you were pregnant. Play time for me ended and play time for the kids started. I will enjoy playing with them on there level. My focus is was and always be on them. They are all I have ever wanted. I am good with that.

I just dont understand where you are coming from. Why do you still even though it is over to lie to me. I work hard to make thinds as easy and constant for our kids. It seems you dont think of that at all. You get pissy with me over the most petty of things yet when I have a legitate concern it is disregarded. Maybe I made the wrong choice wanting you to be a part of their lives. The time you share with them is so limited the least you could do is spends some time real time. I hear Zoe watched movies today. I understand you wouldnt know cause you were sleepin. Hey I understand being tired and exausted. I know how it feels. I just dont understand why. You left again three months ago. If the kids arent confused enough you introduce another man in their lives. Come on now you would think you could live that life when the kids arent around. Atleast for now. Its good you are movin on but put yourself in the shoes of the kids. What do they see? What do they think? I just wish you would set your priorities towards them. I cant remember the last time I was this frustrated. I just wish it would end. I dont like seeing the girls in pain.

I know you upset and confused right now. I just wish we could sit down and talk about things. You have no idea how it feels to feel the uncertainty I feel right now. If you dont want to remain married to me. Fine thats youre decision I can undrestand that. That doesn't change the fact that we need to sit down and settle things. I wish you would concider how much I love or kids. I need them and they need me just as much as you. I dont wish to take the kids away from you. I dont wish to take the kids away from you. I just want to be as equal in their lives as you. They do need both of us. If we can not be together with them we need to figure out how to both be with them together. Fairly, civily, and equally. We are both adults we are both fair. Their is no need to bring this to a fight for rights. We have gone through this before and we were able to resolve things in a fair manner. Lets do it again please. Try not to let what you feel get altered by what you hear around you. These are our problems our kids. We need to settle this how we feel it best. I dont want this to be any harder than it already is. Please understand this. Talk to me soon.

I want so badly to tell you how I feel. I know you need time to think and you need me to give you that space. It's just so hard to do when your in my position. I wish you could feel how it feels to be me. I know things haven't been the best all the time. I know I have made things hard at times. I understand why you feel the way you do. I dont blame you for that at all. All I want is to trust you again. I want to forget the betrayal I feel and live again. You know I know we have good times. Even over the past few weeks when things haven't been very good at all we still reached out for one another. You connected to me. I know there are feelings there. I feel that you want to keep those feelings. You feel as if I let you down. I try very hard to keep my suspicions from affecting how I act towards you. I try not to overwhelm you with doubt. I am to blame for you not being here. I just wish you would not have done it the way you did. I wish you did not take the kids from me. You know I can be the best dad. I am just so angry and confused. I gave you a second chance and you ripped my heart again. Im not sure why it is so imprtant to me that I am so willing to endure the pain. I would rather be with you in pain than without you in paradise. If that is even possible to pbtain paradise without my family. I still maintain hope that we have what it takes. I feel we do. I just wish we could take back some things we messed up. I wish I could have trusted you from the second you came back. I wish we would have continued going to counseling. I wish we could have done more things together as us. I wish we didnt have so many trials over the year. Its all just been overwhelming. I hope you find peace in yourself. I hope reason prevails. I hope to be with my family again. I miss you all terrible and find it immpossible to maintain life. You mean so much to me. I just wish I would see that when were together. Even the smallest tasks without you seem impossible. I love you.