Friday Feb. 2nd at 11:24pm I watched my grandmother die. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer back in april. It was in both lungs,her bones, and eventually her spine. She asked for me for 3 days before I could get there but she held on. I got to the place where she would let go just in time to say goodbye. She was pretty much unconscious when I got there at 10pm. I stayed strong for my mom, im the only one she has, but it hurt like hell to look down on the woman who worked her ass off her whole life and never complained, The woman who watched Wrestling and yelled at the tv. I walked into the room where she lay unmoving and held her hand,told her I was there and not to be afraid to let go, that I made it for her. She had told my mother earlier in the day when she was still responsive that she could see the clouds and my grandpa and great grandparents and she was ready, but she still held on for what I truly believe was me to get there to say goodbye. I talked to her, held her, hugged and kissed her. I told her to go to heaven even though I dont believe in Heaven anymore then I believe the easter bunny or santa claus, but it was something she needed to hear. An hour and a half after I got there she took her last breath while my mother held her. I stood outside the door in the dining room and watched my mom turn into a child again crying and sobbing. I think that was the hardest part for me, seeing my mother, the strongest person ive ever known break down. After she died I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her and waited for hospice to come pick up her body. The week after that was horrible. Death brings out the worst in people. greedy bastards and drama is all that took place. It was seriously the worst week Ive ever had in my entire life. To watch someone die especially someone you love is hard and I hope I never have to see it again. Its made me think a lot about my own life. Ive realized I have to stop focusing on all the negative and embrace what I have before its too late. A lot of other shit happened during that week that I wont go into because of privacy, but I am glad she doesnt have to suffer anymore and I kinda feel like shes the lucky one because she doesnt have to deal with this bullshit hateful world anymore.
