You know, I was having this conversation with some friends of mine. The matter of marriage came up. Some of my friends have been married but are no longer, some are presently married with kids/without kids, some of my friends swear NEVER to marry ( I used to be one of them ), and some of my friends are undecided. Now, my friends vary in religious beliefs. Some are Christian, some are Jewish, some are Wiccan, some are, well, let us just say...none of the above. We were catching up due to the fact that we all work alot and never truly have time to see one another for more than a few minutes here and there ( passing at the grocery, in restaurants, and for some, they live out of town/out of state ). I had told them of how I had reunited with someone from my past. Someone who I cared about deeply, loved immensely. I told them of how we have the same interests, the same tastes, the same likes, some of the same dislikes. I also told them of our plans to marry in one year if all goes well. Immediately the responses flew at me. Everything from " Oh my God, what are you going to do ", " Are you sure this is what you want to do " to " I am pleased to hear that you have united with your soul mate, I wish you two the best ", and of course, the ever expected " What type of ceremony would it be "? Well as you can probably guess this conversation had only just begun. I was in for one hell of a debate session. That it was. It was also very therapeutic for me as well.
I am the person who at one time swore off marriage. However, do not get me wrong, I was a normal child as far as believing in prince charming and love, and marriage. Even though my family life did not highlight those beliefs. I have always been a hopeless romantic. Even when I swore off marriage. It was more of a hopeful defense mechanism I guess. I have always believed in something more spiritual that just signing a piece of paper and walking down an aisle for the amusement of others. It is almost as though some people need to see weddings just to reconnect with their lacking emotional side. It seems to me as though weddings are never truly as happy an event as they should be. Someone is always hurt because it isn't them getting married, someone else is always disappointed that they didn't have a shot with either the bride or the groom, someone is upset by the union due to to who their extended family is, etc. I mean come on. Marriage is supposed to be about love, about a bond, about happiness, about celebration. Who the hell wants to look around and see fake smiles, attitudes, crying. I don't. I want to see joy, laughter, giggling, bonding amongst friends. I want my day to be a day of celebration like no other. Celebration of life, love, friendship, and partnership.
My friends and I even discussed the christian wedding vows. They came up due to the fact that, as I stated before, my friends all come from different religious backgrounds.So when the Christian wedding vows came up in conversation, the one line that started a frenzy was " Til Death Do You Part ". OH BOY. AAAAAaaand We were OFF TO THE RACES!!! Comments about how touching it was. Comments about how full of shit it was. Comments like " Who the hell came up with that shit ". See with me? It is a matter of analyzing. "Til death do us part". So, in other words, once one of us has died or both of us, it is just done? Over? No more? The bond is broken? What. I believe that a soul has many lives. I believe that soul mates DO exist. So how am I to take that " promise "? So, here we are, in love ( supposedly ), and we are swearing our love for one another in front of friends, family, as well as some people who could care less ( ie: " Who is that guy/girl "? ), and you are telling me that all of this heavy flowing material, candles, silk, flowers, dresses, tuxedos.....all of this is just so I can promise myself to this man for the duration of my life THIS time?
Hmm....well, I guess that it could be argued ( and believe me, it was ), but I just don't see it that way. I mean, THAT is one of the main reasons why I have been against getting married! People just do not believe in what I believe in. Marriage is not for family, nor is it to ease moms mind about ever having grandchildren, about celebrating the best f*ck I have ever had, nor is it just a " reason to party ". To me, marriage is a bonding between two people, two souls. They have come together like missing pieces to a puzzle. To bond with another, I am promising them that I will always be around. I will always be there to help them, to love them, to nurture, to heal, to learn, to teach, to comfort, to guide, to follow, to calm, to excite, to protect, to need protection. I am bonding with my heart, my soul, my very being. To me, it goes way past death. Some marry because that is what they are programmed to do. That is " what is right ". Some marry just so they don't feel alone anymore. Some aren't so lucky. They marry and then realize that it was just a survival technique, and they spend their lives unhappy and alone anyway. I refuse to do that. I was shown early on what marriage is for some people. However I have seen marriages that have lasted and are to this day nauseatingly, seemingly, perfect. I just do not believe in swearing my heart, my loyalty, my body, my life to someone JUST because it sounds nice. I WILL MEAN EVERY WORD OF MY VOW, and it will NOT include " TIL DEATH DO US PART ". If that day never comes, then I have not yet found my soul mate or the right time and place to join with him. Perhaps this is not the life that was meant to be our time of bonding. Perhaps a person has more than one soul mate? ( That question is still being argued amongst a certain group of my friends and myself ).
Some of you may say that I am sounding a bit off of my rocker right now, but SOME of you ( you know who you are ) may be finding this very touching and nodding your head in agreement. To those of you who think I've lost my marbles, well, you are entitled to your opinions, your beliefs. I try not to knock yours, so step off of mine. To those of you who understand where I am coming from, I shall continue.
I believe that marriage, no matter how its is done, under what God(s), no matter what religion, is meant to unite two souls. I believe that too may people take love as a game. To them marriage is a way to prove their love. To me, marriage is just a recognition of a bond between two souls. It is a celebration of their love, their loyalty. The words are pleasing to the ears but the words left unspoken within the eyes touches ones soul, if the bond between them is true.
Please feel free to comment if you'd like, debate even. I welcome it....
