beauty's blog: "Beauty?"

The photoshoot for the summer fun catalog...it insnt that I wouldnt like to do it. But I have to be a grown up now and realize that my modeling career is over. Such as it was. And it was never that great! lol :( ok that makes me sad but still its true...theres no Victoria Secret or Sports Illustrated layouts in my future. But that is ok. I left CA a long time ago...to go back home and to pursue my MBA..because as mom always said, beauty is as beauty does! lol I figured I would need something to fall back on after I dont have my "Looks to fall back on" (thanks MOM) still its true, and the truth can be a painful thing..but we all need someone in our lives who will tell us the TRUTH! no matter what. So I have to take a pass on that job. It will just compromise my position in the company and I value my job and hope to move up in the company. I cant take a chance that this will damage my chances.. Back in the day girls were doing all kinds of work for shady publications just to make ends meet. I often wonder what happened to them. I think if I had stayed I might have done the same.. So I guess everything happens for a reason.. Im glad there are no skeletons in my closet to come back to haunt ME...lol I guess its all good. RIGHT?

I had a quiet weekend...nothing much going on here..I stayed in Fri night and drank red wine and polished my toenails!!! hahaha Saturday night I baby sat for the nephews...we watched Pirates of the Carribean...which is a good movie btw.. On Sunday night i just went shopping with the gf's and went to bed early...but I woke up feeling icky several times in the middle of the night...Im terrified of getting that virus that is going around..and I feel slightly OFF today too.. *sigh* So Im tired today and feeling queasy and NO im not pregnant. You have to have sex for that to happen ;) I took today off tho I might go in later if I feel better. I really want to go back to bed but thephone keeps ringing..so here I am..flirting with the gentlemen ;) Oh well heres my day...unplug the phone, snuggle up in my down comforter, ;)nice bowl of soup or some tea... *sigh*

I did it...I ventured a bulletin yesterday, a kissing survey (what are we 7th graders??? lol) I didnt memorize it but it was a silly thing about would you want to kiss me and you had to indicate by number what you would like to DO to me *rolleyes* From slippin me the tongue to um...giving me oral pleasure *blush* lmao! OK I asked for it I know that...lol if you put it out there then be prepared for the answer. I got quite a few responses but with as many friends as I have not as many as I thought might...haha that was my ego talking there just for a minute but Im shutting it up now!! So I guess its safe to say that alot of people on here would like to give me some oral pleasure.... and not that THAT doesnt sound like a nice idea either... *laugh* it has been..oh lets say a WHILE... But its been even longer since someone held my face in his hands and kissed me softly like he meant it...who gave me his tongue tentatively and didnt try to lick my face *laugh* who when I looked in his eyes could see that he was as affected by it as I was..who didnt want it to end either... (is it getting hotter in here??) *grin* anyway yeah well so that was that... Sorry I have to pass on the um...er... oral PLEASURE... If you could only see me laughing...

AARRGGHH!! No blind dates for me this weekend...lmao Not even a plan to go out at all...Im sick of going to clubs and its the same stuff all the time. Half drunk idiots who think you should be impressed because of how much money they make or what they drive.. WHO CARES I dont..I make enough money and I have a great ride. It will take more than that to impress me. There are alot of qualities that I value in a friend...a potential BF would have to be a great friend above all. If you can be a friend you can be a lover...Im not one to sleep with someone just to have sex. Call me old fashioned if you want. ITs fine...Im cool with it. So what will I do? On Sat I have three classes at the spa (we are changing the name to the studio lol) and then Im going to SIT home and do my nails, have a glass of red wine and put my feet up... *grin* IM getting all excited about it just thinking about it. Hey maybe Ill rent a movie!! woohoo!! lmao well if YOU work 6 days a week what would you think is fun? lol Men are too much work right now...lol Yes there is that wall around me again. I cant help it...its just how I feel. Sure it can be lonely but Im trying not to FEEL it... WHY am I such a loner? I dont know..there are times when I wish I could wake up with someone...I love to be kissed awake in the morning... ok TMI I know lol but I do.. BUT then again I hate to share the bathroom!!! HAHAHAHA damn its quite a trade off isnt it?? and I do like to sleep in on Sundays...to watch the TV I want to see...to not fall over someones stuff in my way.. (GOD SHE IS A BITCH ISNT SHE??? lmao) I have a great friend who seems to go thru men like some girls (like me) go thru chocolate... ;) she has a new one every six months..she ends up sleeping with them...then they find out they dont like each other THAT much after all... *laugh* what is the point of that???? lol Ok whatever!! I let other people do what they feel they need to without my judgement... But yes Id like to be in love...who wouldnt? Id like to be loved...not to be used, played or abused.. *sigh* someday...my prince will come *sings* OR NOT *shrug*

Do I or dont I? Will I or wont I? A guy friend of mine who is a photographer wants to use some shots of me for a local ad campaign..just bikini shots. IM not really sure I want to do it. The money is good and its a quick job..no hard work there..lol but I dont know who will see it. Or how my bosses at corporate will feel about it. It isnt like I need to do it...I have a great job and at thirty Id say my modeling career such as it is, is over...so is this just one LAST hurrah for me? lol In my time I have done catalog work and some print work but I havent achieved the status some have...not hot enough or tall enough for VIctoria Secret lol or high fashion. Not perfect enough for Sports illustrated ;)...No playboy centerfold here lol, my father would kill me! lol Hmmmmm what to do? My mother wants me to move back home and go to law school...she is probably right about that. Ive probably gone as high on the corporate ladder as I am going to go here. Idont know what to do at this point...still mulling it over.. I hate being a grown up sometimes!! lol

Friends are great...I have some wonderful ones that is for sure..and they really do mean well. They do. But sometimes they get on my nerves... My friend Kiki was sure that she had the perfect man for me and insisted that i meet him...after being hounded for hours I decided to just go ahead and do it... I met them for a drink after I came from the spa on Friday night...just a couple drinks, talk play pool...call it a drive by lol.. Truth is that I didnt really care to meet anyone but I didnt want to hurt my friend. They were sitting at the bar when I came in...and the first thing I thought was..he looks like my BROTHER!! my brother is cute btw but I dont want to date him... It turns out that he was a doctor (is that every girls great dream to meet a doctor??? lmao) and he was very chatty, which was ok since I was tired so if he wanted to do all the talking, so be it! lol But after a couple of hours of that and one too many cosmos I was ready to go home..I called it a night at around 11 pm though they didnt want me to go. He walked me to the door and asked for my number..I gave it to him but I doubt I will go out with him. I just wasnt feelin it, when you dont you dont.. I have to tell them no more setups...LOL! I hate blind dates anyway..I mean the last one I went on, the guy was such a pompous ass that I was like incredulous! He actually had the nerve to ask me what it felt like to be with the best looking guy in the room?? wtf is up with THAT??? I spent the weekend buried in work...so on Monday I took the day off to go shopping...lol hey Im the boss I can do that... ;)

ALLRIGHT my sister called me on my bullshit so I have to clarify.. she read my blog and told me that I am full of it. Maybe she is right lol... Im sounding just a little too coldhearted says she. Im not really that bad... and look the b.o.b stuff is just a joke..I swear! (she is going to tell my mother lmao) Truth is that nothing takes the place of basic human contact does it? I like the strength of a man, the warmth and the smell of a man..goodness I like everything about them ;) lmao But to say I havent been so fortunate in meeting a quality one would be a vast understatement. Not that I havent had more than my share of dates, but the dating pool is kinda, um...shallow Looks are not everything, neither is money..its just a bad time for this kind of thing. Since the last break up which ended badly...lol Ive been thinking of moving...maybe going back to school...moving in another direction entirely with my life. It isnt even that I dont want to meet anyone...what I really hate is the thought of what happened to me before, happening again.. Running away? maybe I dont know... Im just feeling alot of unresolved feelings and not coping too well in it, piling on the work to distance myself from it and anyone new would be lost inthe fray anyhow.. Then what the hell do I want out of CT??? lmao well just what everyone else wants..hehe the chance to look at some interesting people. why not?

No this isnt the SHE-ra man haters club...lol Just a question. Good men are hard to find...guys are easy to find lol.. thats what I tell my mother when she wants to know why at 30 I cant KEEP a man.. *eyeroll* and I want to say MOM I can find a man...but I dont want to KEEP ONE... *laugh* conjures images of a man in a cage or something. The truth is that my life is pretty good the way it is, why wreck a good thing? Iknow I am pretty jaded...too many bad expereinces that I have to add she doesnt even know the HALF of...and while other girls my age (gasp) are looking for a doctor or a lawyer or an Indian Chief (wtf?? lol) to keep them happy...I dont need that.. and yeah there are alot of things I might miss about having a guy in my life...(gee I miss kissing lmao and Sunday morning ummmm ;))I guess I am far too independent for most people. BUT I LIKE THAT ABOUT ME lmao... so what if no one else does...lol The point is that maybe I will find a man one day but Im not worried about it. Kids might be in the picture or not...who knows. But if it isnt meant to be then it isnt. I can take good care of myself you see... maybe thats what bugs her the most! HAHA Well I guess I cant stop turning the knife now huh?? So what if I dont have anyone to kiss...I can do without it for a while heh...and if you have a b.o.b what do you need a man for anyhow??? (ok that part was SUPPOSED to be funny...) I really do need more coffee now...maybe with a shot of something in it..or is it too early for that? ;)

Well I guess I can clear up some of that curiousity.. Beauty is Kimmber...recently turned 30 woohoo milestone! lol Why am I here? well guess I just wanted to check out CT and see what all the fuss is about...it sure is different from Myspace! lol! WHO am I? Um well (thinking)a raging workaholic lol...Im in middle management...I work 6 days a week and sometimes on Sundays. I like to work. When I dont work I work out...exercise is good for the body and soul...I have part ownership in a spa with a friend of mine and teach yoga and pilates when I can. What do I want from CT? Not really anything..its just for entertainment purposes I guess..checking people out IS fun..Im as bad as any guy is when he is checking out the ladies. I check out the guys lmao... Im not looking for a hookup, a boyfriend, ..no fuckbuddies and certainly NO husbands. And why is that? Well its a long story but it involves an abusive relationship which I am better off without. No children, no encumbrances...thats how I want it. Oh I have a dog lol and she is Dolly...(wo)mans best friend... Where do I live? IM not telling ya...lmao lest you be some fearful stalker or serial killer, a girl cant be too careful ;) WHY do I call myself Beauty? Um yeah well Im not THAT conceited...its short for SLEEPING beauty...lmao Right now I wish I was sleeping.. I need more coffee ;)