beauty's blog: "Beauty?"

Is doing a number on my head... *laugh* I cant take it..its too cold. It makes me sleepy and nonproductive!! I just want to tuck myself into my comfy feather bed and go to sleep ALL DAY... and I cant! lol I have things to do...tons of paperwork to follow up on.. and the coffee isnt working...nothing is working! When is spring coming?? WHEN? *groan* I think Im depressed :( somehow I have to pull out of this!!!

lol come on are you crushing? I have a crush on someone...shhhh dont tell tho.. If we were in the 7th grade I would say he is SO cute!! lmao and then Id ask his best friend if he would ask him to go out with me.. *grin* But alas! Not in the 7th grade anymore :( In the real world it doesnt compute...I guess... Im leary of long distance relationships...and message board acquaintences..I dont think I could take the next step to do anything about it now. and I have someone with a crush on me...actually there was TWO crushes on me but someone changed their mind!! :( the nerve lmao I dont know who it is that is crushing on me...is it the one that I have a crush on??? Hmmmm maybe but again I dont know.. I like that someone has a crush on me *blush* its sweet...but IM not really the kind of girl you want tho trust me... Ill just make you absolutely crazy and you will wonder what you were thinking!! LMAO I remember when I was in grade school..John had a crush on me....he did everything he could think of to get my attention...until he finally got it. and THEN I got my hair CUT!! He didnt like me anymore. In fact he was down right mean to me :( What is it with you guys anyhow??? *grin*

The pleasures of you…or something like that Kimmbers Dream I don’t usually dream too often, and if I do I don’t remember anything much..thats how its always been. Once in awhile I will dream about money…or dream about houses or places I have lived, school and stuff like that. On Valentines Night I tucked myself in early and went to bed…after watching some silly program on the history channel LOL! I guess I fell asleep fairly quickly…the next thing I remember is that I was coming out of the shower. I had my robe on and I was walking over to my bed and I saw that someone was in it! For some reason that didn’t shock me at all…oddly enough. I walked over to the bed and saw that a dark haired man was in it and for whatever reasons I smiled and slipped off my robe and got into the bed…he had his back to me and I slid over next to him and put my arms around him, kissing him in the middle of his back. At this point he murmured, “what took you so long?” *laugh* I kept on kissing him there and he turned toward me. He lay on his back and pulled me across him like a silk scarf..our lips locking…and all I could think was mmmm wow…lol One part of me didn’t know who he was and the other part of me apparently knew him very well! Haha And we kissed for a long time…I love to kiss and be kissed and I really made the most of it…*laugh* and then I kissed his neck and bit his earlobe (hehe) and his shoulders…my lips grazed his chest and ribs and down….He raised his hands over his head and let me have my way with him..to say that I manhandled him would be very accurate and did unspeakable things with my hands and lips…*blush* did I really dream THIS??? lol Apparently, I wanted to hear him say my name and he did…several times in fact lol… But then he grasped my hair in his hands and pulled me up to meet his lips again…and I was bracing myself for something…to happen… *blush* And then…. I WOKE UP *sigh* didn’t get to seal the deal… *laugh* story of my life I can tell you…. Ugh and waking up like that…from a dream like that, was like a slap in the face..talk about intense.. I snuggled down into my featherbed…drawing up the covers…it wasn’t easy to fall back to sleep after that..*laugh* I finally had to put some music on and then I drifted off again… Maybe I was wondering if HE would come back again but he didn’t  *sigh* I don’t know who it was in my dream…nobody I ever met in real life. Maybe that was my prince charming..lol If he DOES come back he is going to have alot to handle here! Lol but Im sure he wont, things don’t happen like that do they really? Dreams are funny aren’t they? Im just glad it wasn’t the one where I went to school in my underwear lmao

I dont have plans for Valentines day.... no candle lit dinners or flowers and candy for me..not that it matters. Ok it matters..a little lol I dont really enjoy Valentines day anymore..its reminds me of things I want to forget. And I really think its just a contrived holiday anyhow. Another one like Mothers day or Fathers day where you feel obligated to go out and buy someone you care about..SOMETHING.. and shouldnt you show someone you care EVERY DAY? lol i mean really.. well thats how I feel about it anyway..I think I will probably take my parents out to lunch. I think for that night they have plans of their own...lol (the old folks still got it going on ;) ) Ill tuck myself in and sleeping beauty will dream of her prince charming... he IS out there somewhere isnt he?? *laugh*

I dont fall hard for guys..not usually. I guess I have in the past and it didnt do me any good.. LOL Im just a tough cookie now.. :( I cant seem to get past it. Jaded by past bad experiences?? oh yeah. SOmetimes its just that bad you cant help it. I fell hard only once..and it turned out to be the worst experience of my life *eek* I was out with a few friends at this great new restaurant, drinking cosmos and having plenty of laughs..when I looked up and saw this guy across the room. He was very tall, dark haired and really good looking in the preppy business man sort of way lol. I remember thinking that he looked like one of those Calvin Klein underwear models! At the same exact moment I saw him he saw ME. We stared at each other for a minute and I looked away *blush* All I could think was wow, lol But nothing more... We were laughing about something silly when our waiter came over with a round of drinks from the gentlemen over THERE... (yikes) My gf Toni who is as crazy as all hell, smiled at them and waved thanks. So lo and behold they came over to our table. There were three of them on a business dinner and there was three of us...they joined us. We drank and talked over dinner and Mr underwear model ;) seemed interested in my friend Toni..which made me a little jealous lmao, but hey who am I to tell someone who to be attracted to?? I smiled and flirted with his friend who really wasnt my type in that he smoked like a fiend but he was friendly and funny. After dinner we moved to the bar...getting cozy over drinks..and mr underwear model started to talk to me more, he was sitting near me and his cologne or whatever it was smelled fabulous..I found myself leaning over just slightly so I could smell him!! (ack did I just say that lol) When Toni got up to go to the ladies room...Mr model asked me if I would like to go out with him sometime..he offered me his card with his number on it. I was frankly surprised as he barely paid attention to me all night..and Toni liked him I could tell... So I said no thanks..Im seeing someone. (LIAR) If he didnt look disappointed!! I told him I had to go and I left when Toni got back..when I got up he got up too to walk me out! I couldnt believe it and I looked at Toni..and she was like OH WELL.. He walked me out and at my car we talked for a minute..I didnt give him my number. I wasnt sure what game he was playing with me or my friend and told him that. He laughed and said he was too intimidated to talk to me (right, calling BS here) He put his card in my windshield wiper as I was going..lol I ended up going out with him after he left roses at my job...he took the time to track me down..maybe he was ok after all... We went out and had a wonderful time..we laughed and danced. I didnt kiss him on the first date lol since I am such a terrible prude ;)...he didnt complain. We saw each other alot after that...called each other every day...he was smart and fun and he liked the same things I liked... I remember the first tme we kissed..it was at a movie. I was watching the movie, he was watching ME...when I turned to look at him he kissed me softly. *whew* I felt strangely like I was spiraling out of control when he held my hand, the slightest touch ...it was new to me. I dont like to lose control..I like to have the upper hand in a relationship lol but I was losing it fast...lol I tried really hard not to fall into bed with him right away. I felt that it would be better to wait awhile, to get to know him, to be sure. But he was very smooth.. and I was very into him..after a while I could resist his charms no longer...he told me he loved me..that I was the girl he dreamed of having...that he wanted to marry me.. *sigh* and it all falls apart from there.. I first saw his wicked temper on a Sunday...I took his car on an outing because mine was in the shop. He had this gorgeous new jaguar and I loved driving it. But I had the misfortune of having it get a scrape on it that I didnt notice...and he was LIVID. He called me a stupid whore, and why I didnt leave then I dont even know..I was shattered..I offered to pay for the damages but he said it didnt matter the car was worthless now :( I never felt so badly about anything before... but he came back around, apologizing profusely, bringing candy and flowers..blahblahblah and he got himself a NEW car.. so I forgave him that.. but there was more :( well not much more...it was the final straw when he had a meltdown becuause he thought i was cheating on him with one of his friends. THey guy was a sweetheart to me and a gentleman but never hit on me. After one too many drinks he accused me of cheating, punched out his friend in front of other friends and then at home (by then we lived together)he pulled my hair and threatened me that he would kill me if he caught me cheating..of course Im tearfully saying I would never do that...the more I cried the angrier he got till he backhanded me across the face and I went flying across the floor...I managed to call 911 somehow and the cops and the ambulance came. He went to jail for assault but his parents bailed him out (not the first time I learned later) I was inthe hospital for a little while, my jawbone was cracked and it had to be wired shut..I couldnt eat for a while and wow it was a horrible time... I took a trip by myself and while I was gone my sister and her husband cleared my stuff out of his place...we got the restraining order against him..now he had to leave me alone. I was literally and figuratively crushed...devastated. But he had a long history of beating up Girfriends that I didnt know about...too bad no one wanted to clue me in. His poor mother begged me to help her baby get probation and if I did she would make sure that they got him into rehab and counseling..and they paid for all of my hospital bills and everything. So thats what I did...as long as he leaves me alone.. So Idont trust my own judgement anymore when it comes to men.. When I say I have been hurt?? you just dont know the half of it... Gunshy isnt even close to describing how I feel about it...

Pickup Lines with Rebuttals . Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic." 2. Man: "Haven't I seen you some place before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." 3. Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." 4. Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" 5. Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." 6. Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Woman: "No thanks. There's already one a##hole in there." 7. Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." 8. Man: "So what do you do for a living ?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." 9. Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?) Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.) 10. Man: "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking." 11. Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter" (or) "Stop" 12. Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized!" 13. Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah!!! Let's pick up some chicks!" 14. Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?" 15. Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone." 16. Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." 17. Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave." 18. Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy." Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing." 19. Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species." 20. Man: "May I see you pretty soon?" Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?" 21. Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store." 22. Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today." 23. Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account." 24. Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Allright... Im standing in line at the Starbucks and waiting for mine...when I see this guy out of the corner of my eye.. staring.. If I said I was used to guys looking at me that wouldnt be a lie...it might sound conceited but it isnt a lie ;) But he is LOOOKING... checking me out from head to toe..I almost felt like he was measuring me with his eyes.. and that FELT wierd kwim? He was tall and dark and pretty well dressed...I wasnt afraid just curious. As I turned around to leave the place, I BUMPED into him!!! *GOD* I said "Excuse me" and he said "I think you dropped this" it was a 5 dollar bill..but it wasnt mine so I said so.. THEN he said...I couldnt help but notice you over there and Id like to ask you something.. *Im waiting for him to ask me for my number* He wanted to know if I would be interested in a JOB!! *WAIT it gets better* Oh really...yes well I have a job, I said.. and then he says...does it pay 500 a NIGHT?? I burst out laughing!!!! He said, "Youre exquisite and Im sure you could AT LEAST make that much" (OH>>MY>>GOD>>) DOING WHAT???? * think I screamed that* He mentioned the name of a popular gentlemans club and told me they had openings for DANCERS...TOPLESS dancers!!! I SWEAR no one has ever approached me that way ever!!! * I cant stop laughing* NO IM NOT CONSIDERING IT But wow 500 bucks a day...isnt that tempting... I dont think I am worth that tho... *grin* Hmmmm Nah My Daddy would KILLLLLL me... *laugh*

LOL ok the worst in a long time maybe ;) I was sound asleep and I had this terrible nightmare...this tall dark hooded figure was chasing after me. and I couldnt get away!!! I kept running and running and sliding and slipping on the ice.. I woke up startled! It was so scary :( im glad my dog was there...I needed to hug something lol.. thats the crappy thing about living alone sometimes..waking up like that..or hearing sounds. YIKES, Im scared even thinking about it.. and then I hear this sound...and IM listening.. thud..thump.. *groooaaannn* I realize I am listening to my neighbors next door knocking boots... *blush* I DONT WANNA HEAR THAT lmao Imstuffin the pillow over my head... *snicker* I was thinking about pounding on the wall but I dont want to spoil their fun ;) at least someones having fun.. Imscared and alone and theyre having fun..HOW fair is that??? *laugh* ohwell Im not alone...I have my Dolly lmao...thats the dog goof ball, not a doll!! *sigh* oh well

So heres me rushing to get across town to a meeting...running just a tad late. Which I might add is not like me but circumstances just got in the way.. and lo and behold a lovely policeman is sitting there waiting for me :( YES I was speeding *BAD GIRL* I know..I know! my own fault and darn it if I just COULDNT couldnt sweet talk HIM into giving me just a warning... GRRRR... lol ok I RARELY make use of that CARD...but the last thing i need now is a ticket. Guess I shoulda thought of that ahead of time.. or maybe unbuttoned a few buttons on my blouse.. or something *laugh* Goodness Ive never done THAT but I have heard sometimes it can work! *wink* ANyhow now I have to rush off to do something else... it never ends and IM in a very bad mood right now... tease me out of it would you??? lmao check out my pic thats me giving the cop the finger something tells me he would have liked THAT picture ;)

The worst weekend just past lol I ran into an old BF from college on Saturday night. He said he was in town for a couple of days and could I meet him at ---------s so I did. Its been a while but I figured what the heck.. We broke up way back in 1997...he was premed and going to med school back east and I was headed to LA. It wasnt like either of us wanted to get married so we parted...friendly like. I was curious to see him and how he turned out..lol. It seems he is a pediatrician in a practice in CT and doing well for himself (he said) We had a nice dinner and a few drinks.. a few slow dances that reminded me why I fell for him way back when.. and then later his cell phone rang...he looked at it to see who was calling and said I have to take this. He got up and left to talk on the phone.. left me sitting there... and I sat and sat.. finally he came back and I said, oh that must have been important? and he looked at me and said It was my wife! LMAO ok someone neglected to mention they had a wife now!! He has two kids too he said.. Niiiiiiice Thank goodness I had my own car because I got up and left... Apparently he didnt think there was anything wrong with the two of us getting together like that but I wouldnt have if I knew he was married. I just dont do that. I left him stammering at the table...something about US and old times sake... *laugh* Wow some guys...Im sure that he thought we were gonna hook up...I still cant get over this... and its not like he actually lied to me but he sure wasnt exactly forthcoming. Didnt I ask him if he was married when he called me? I dont remember. I guess its just as much my fault anyhow.. *note to self* Do a better screening job on old boyfriends or better yet avoid them entirely!! Im tired today and in a very very bad mood...feeling snappish. I need a vacation far far away, and somewhere warm its way too cold :(