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nightmares

Well it’s another sleepless night. I’m having another nightmare. They come when you least expect them and without warning. They can be triggered by anything. Mine start out with the smell of gasoline when I fuel up my truck. Or when i`m camping and have a campfire. Have you ever seen the effects of napalm on the landscape and any living thing that happens to be in its path? Napalm is basically gasoline in the form of a gel like substance so that it sticks to whatever it lands on. It puts anything in its path on fire instantly. My nightmares are filled with the smell and visions of those effects on the jungles of Vietnam and the people in them. Often times we would call in a strike from napalm because you cant see your enemy in the thick jungles and you would be taking heavy fire. The jungle would become a fast moving ball of fire. People on the fringe of the attack would run out in flames with napalm sticking to them burning out of control. We would be under orders to fire on them to put them out of their misery. It’s been 37 years since I was in Vietnam. I was only there for a few months before the U.S pulled out. And yet in that time I saw a lifetime of horror. You would think that after this many years I could forget and be able to sleep but I guess my nightmares will end when my life ends. I have been invited by a veterans group to return to Vietnam they say it helps to put things to rest but I cant even think of going to that place again in my lifetime. I’ve learned to compartmentalize that part of my life. I’ve come a long way since trying to self medicate myself with drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately many vets can’t do that and end up on the streets of our cities as homeless mentally ill alcohol and drug addicted. So the next time a homeless person ask you for a buck or two just think about that and do what you can to help him don’t put him down for the situation he’s in it could be that he left his life in any of the wars that are fought to keep you free. Treat him with compassion.
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