bacardicoke's blog: "Fucked Up"

I am feeling much better. I am no longer doing the daily toxic activities I was doing. I know it is a daily (sometimes hourly) goal to reach, much like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict. I do not need to know what he is doing because I am honestly realizing it doesn't matter....

I have been in the anger phase before of course... it is actually easier than the sad phase. I am using my writing to act out the horrific things my mind conjures up. I would never hurt someone physically but I have been known to lash out in other ways. Thats not healthy either. So I want to hold fast to the attitude/idea that living a great life is the ultimate vengeance. (Sometimes I feel as though I am not living up to my promise to him though... how nuts is that? Because I told him I would love him unconditionally forever. However, I didn't say I would be miserable forever, right?) 

And someday those writings will be in print for the whole world to see. THAT will be the most satisfying day in my life, I am sure. A girl has to have goals, doesn't she? LOL