Stuff about me. I had to write it for english class — Monday, January 15, 2007
so I decieded to post it. The last part has been posted before.
This is really LONG. So just quit reading it if you get sick of reading. I don't know if it's because I've been through more than most by this point in my life, or what. There's just a whole lot that contributes to who I am and why I am. And If incomplete it probably wouldn't make much sense at all.
The first part of my life no one could understand me when I talked, ( I had ear problems when I was young, so I probably couldn't hear well, so that probably had something to do with it, like how deaf people talk weird. ) so I got made fun of, and it was pointless anyway, so I didn't talk much. I still don't talk much. ( probably due to the treatmeant in the past. ) I also never liked people in myspace and touching me and my head. So I hated haircuts. This resulted in me only getting hair cuts out of my parents selfish concerns for themselves. My mom just wanted it out of my eyes, so it just got cut out of my eyes. People have given me shit my whole life because of my hair. I'm uste to it, I don't care about words much, I believe in freedom of speach. I do think people who treat people differently, especially badly because of how they look ought to be killed, or locked up until they are ready, or able, or whatever to not do stuff like that.
I haven't lived much of a happy life. I don't smile much. And half the time when I do, it's cuz I am pissed off. People have bothered me my whole life either because of my hair, the way I talk, cuz I don't talk, the way I walk, or many other things. I'm partially agraphobic because of that. I just don't " fit in " with the rest of the world. I'm smarter than most, and nicer than most, and have this crazy idea that if you judge people, then it should on the things they have done, the way they interact with the world and the people around them, and things they can do. Because of this, to the rest of the world, I am a nutcase and should be locked up. The "real way" people should be judged is by the clothes and shoes they wear, their jewlry, how their hair is, and the words they use, not what they actually say. I'm just not " grown up " for believing it's wrong to use appearnces of people to judge them, and use that in how to treat them and wether to hire them. I'm also " not grown-up " for not valueing the great green god ( money ) over my beliefs and values and stuff. Or atleast that's what people say.
I basicly hate the world, and it often seems like the feeling is mutual. I joined the army ( again not capitalized cuz it doesn't derseve to be ) when I was 19. I had to get away from this state, and get a job. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. I mistakenly thought that it would be a place where people would be judged by the things they did, and could do. Where I went, it was 99% how " pretty " or whatever you looked determined how most people judged you. I worked twice as hard as most just to keep from getting into any serious trouble. I went to Afghanistan for 7 and a half months, and later to Iraq for a year. The army reinforced just how fucked life is, and how the people in the world make it that way.
Going through almost five years of bullshit in the army however, has made it so I can live by my own terms now and do mostly whatever I want now. I have money saved up from before since how I was in Iraq, and Afghanistan, and when I wasn't deployed I only spent about half of my check on liquer and strippers and saved the rest. I'm not materialistic, ( hence I didn't spend my money on material things, just happiness, or as close as I could find to buying it. ) money is freedom to me. I have it, so I have freedom, it's my security blanket. It's the things money can't buy that are important. If I bought a bunch of stuff, I wouldn't have my money, so I wouldn't have as much freedom. It's weird that there's something that money accomplishes but not by spending it. I get paid to go to school as part of my contract. Something like- we screw you over for atleast 4 years, then after that we pay you to go to school. Now I have freedom for the next four years, after that, I have to figure out what to do, and maybe where to go. I'm only in this state cuz of my family. My family lives here, and my dad coirced me to move here from Texas. I was in Texas because my best friends transfered ther from bragg. Friends from the army mean alot to me because I didn't have many, or any as close before I was in the army.
I don't like this state. The church dominates too much of it's laws, and ignores people's rights, and the constitutions sometimes. And it gets away with it because the majoraty doesn't seem to believe in the whole equality thing, or other laws, or the constitution.
Well, that was mostly it. The next part explains some more about me and stuff.
The proceding was from when I was something I wrote while in the army at fort bragg. It's not capitalized, cuz I hate that place and it doesn't deserve to be.
I worked at lagoon the summer after my junior year in highschool. I was a games person. Yes, those people who harrass you when you walk by and try to get you to believe you can just throw that ball up in the air and have it land in the big milk can or get the loop over the cokebottle, or the pingpongball in the floaty cup. I had to put my hair under my hat. Cuz the people who own lagune are predjucie peices of shit who cater to other like minded people. But hey, it's thier busness, and they started it to make money, not make the world a better place. So they should be able to make any rules they want to. Especially if it makes them more money. I agree people should be able to do that with private buisnesses, cuz they are about making money. And that's what life is really all about to most people. ( or that's my estamit atleast ) It just shouldn't go on in government organizations and things that aren't about making money. So ya, sidetracked again. Interesting tidbit for ya - I showed up to the interview to that job in cutoff shorts that had strings hainging down from them. and a tee-shirt with a gold skull sarcoffagest?/coffin thing on it, and a huge hole in the side of it. Like almost the whole side was a hole. And I got the job. My brother didn't, who showed up slightly more "presentable" than I did.- So for a long time, people didn't know I had long hair. but sometimes when I went on break in the breakroom/cafateria I took my hat off. So then it was a really BIG deal that i had long hair. People are shocked. Cuz they liked me and thought i was nice and stuff and that's not what their stereotype of guys with long hair told them I was suposed to be like. I was a totall paradox to a lot of people. It's wierd how different people treated me and looked at me and acted around me when I had my hair under my hat. and when I didn't. Something as simple as hair made all the difference in the world. And people wonder why i think it is so important. It's a really powerfull thing in my quest in life to try to make a dent in the whole stereotyping thing.
I wish i never had to go inside or take my hat off. Then I could have my hair how I wanted it and just keep it under my hat or moron beret or whatever kind of headgear I had on. I really should have tried to get away with that one winter or something. ohwell. now My hair is falling out. It's not really noticable just by looking at it i don't think. But I can feel the difference and I can see the difference especially when I spike it up. but ohwell, I'll think of something crazy to do with it when it all falls out on top. I'm not going to grow the sides out and put them in a pony tale though. That looks sad and unoriginal. I think I'll grow stripes of it long and dye them differnet colors and let it hang down in braids. Then if that hair falls out too, I'll get some wicked tattoos on my head. I might do that after the top falls out anyway. Have that and the colorfull braids. That would be cool. I could get a nice hat and walk around In a nice suit or something to get a good job. Then later after everyone knew me and liked me, take my hat off oneday. Like at the company christmas party. After everyone gets drunk. I would totally scare the shit out of some people. And it's not like they'ed fire me when they know me and loved me, especially at christmas time. The next time I was at work I'd show up like i normally did. And half of them would think they just got totally smashed that night and dreamed that part or something. Cuz i'd be sure to get as many people sloshed as I could befor doing it. Yah, I'm planning my future around my hair. It's that important. If people could only understand.......
