NonSemperAestas's blog: "Time Brings Revelation"

So tonight when I left work there were several bins of pumpkins for employees to take home with them.  This is a normal thing this time of year.  However, they generally don't allow people to take one home with them until 2 days before Halloween.  This year was no exception.

I have worked at my place of employment for 4 years.  Every year I have always ended up getting a shitty pumpkin because of the shift I work.  I work from 1 in the afternoon until 9:30 at night.  This means I have never been able to get a good pumpkin.  I've always been pissy about it.  Which means that this year if I don't get a fucking amazing pumpkin I will write HR and encourage anyone else on my shift that gets fucked out of a good pumpking to do the same.  The letter will go something like this:

Human Resources,

For the last four years I have been a victim of this company's discriminatory policy of denying the people that work the evening shift the chance at a good pumpkin.  This grievious error, whether intentional or not, has led to many employees dealing with serious issues of self-esteem (low), and a great deal of anger.

Well, no more, I say.  No more.  This discriminatory practice cannot be permitted to continue and I expect it to be abolished as soon as is humanly possible.  Failure to do so is a slap in the face of a great many ideals and is, in fact, against one of the tenets of this great country.  The idea that all men (and women) are created equal.  Yes.  That's right.  By allowing this atrocity to continue you are saying that the great people that work the evening are not as good as the people that work the mornings.  How can you allow such a clearly discriminatory practice to continue in the face of the facts that I have laid out before you in this letter?

Sincerely,

Bryan

P.S. If I don't get a god damned good pumpkin I will as it was said in the great movie known as Office Space, "Burn down the building."

P.P.S. I want my red fucking stapler back, bitches!

P.P.P.S. While you are at it get me a pair of Holy Grail Bunny Slippers!