The Wolf's blog: "A Glimpse of Madness, Version 2.0"

I am feeling a bit introspective tonight, so I decided to write this after a bit of thinking.

While I doubt anyone would read it, much less comment on it, it serves it's purpose as a bit of "mental decompression" and catharsis.

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I am a very stubborn person most of the time. I have my beliefs and almost nothing can make me change my mind. There is a a reason behind that, of course.

I've come to realize that I may possibly be diagnosable with obsessive-compulsive disorder. While I am not a psychologist? I think it fits.

What drives me is not anger or revenge, but immutable adherence to black/white standards. It's not cold and calculating like a murderer, it's painfully anxiety-provoking. I have lived most of my life surrounded by violence, and this became my way to cope with the horror around me.

To have done differently would have been overwhelming and traumatizing, and to this day? I continue to adhere to my own rigid standards, because breaking them could possibly make my world collapse.

That is what I feel when the security of my overly strict morality is called into question, and it creates a great deal of internal conflict, causing me to reflexively and passionately defend it.

I am not an an evil man who relishes violence or suffering, nor am I a bloodthirsty monster.

What I am is an intense, stern, stoic, harsh, passionate man who's lack of faith in my fellow man leads me to be incredibly cold, to lack any sense of compassion or empathy for criminals, liars, and traitors.

The latter being a habit of mine that is directly caused by that very lack of faith in man. Ultimately, this has been carried with me through my life and, unfortunately, left all manner of pain, despair, and destruction behind in the lives of others.

I do believe that I am a good person. However, I am misunderstood, dedicated, way too hard on myself, angry, and far too strict in my interpretation of "right" and "wrong".

I have often been accused of being arrogant. I can assure you that this is not the case at all.

My attitude stems from my total faith in the rules and code of honor that I represent, and by extension, total faith in myself.

Unfortunately for me, I am also a man who, at times, allows his faith in his principles to overwhelm me. There is no place for doubt, thought, or understanding in my world. Complacency can get you killed, and such considerations would only threaten the very fabric of the society that my morality demands.

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I doubt if anyone will take the time to read this, but if you do? Now you have a rare insight into my mind.