*Also posted on Myspace*
I poured my heart out in these texts but it had to be said. I'm tired of him, and just men period that think of me as an option. They dont want to be alone, so they think "oh well I will just settle for Shawna". Lord knows, I made him a priority for 6.5 yrs but no more. I can't do it. I have too much self respect and I know I deserve better than what I'm getting. I will find it one day and it is going to be the love that lasts a lifetime. <3
They start here...
Shawna Noneya: coming back to a marriage after so much hurt/damage is HARD, u cant be lazy about it, u gotta work on it and it takes alot but u choose to do the lazy bitch rt
Shawna Noneya: simply repenting,trusting god is not enough, at least not 4 me. i need to see some damn effort on ur part but i'm fearful u will change ur mind in a week
Shawna Noneya: i tried twice, and each time u fucked me over, like u wanted to hurt me for hurting u and now i'm unable to do it again bcuz i'm scared! blame urself 4 that
Shawna Noneya: even in my darkest hour i refuse to lean on u bcuz i know u will let me down, why get involved when i know it wont last? i could give up everything 4 nothin
Shawna Noneya: u never made me a priority, u viewed me as an option when for 6.5 yrs u were a priority in my heart. i had ur back on everything, i was never loved right by u
Shawna Noneya: cant let go of the past when u keep making it the future..i know the future bcuz i've lived the past..change ur heart..
Shawna Noneya: yes i cheated but let's look at the past 6.5 yrs that made me who i am today? I'm not all 2 blame, there was something that hurt me so, and made me resentful
Shawna Noneya: i never felt good enuff 4 u, 4 ur fam, and now u see what's out there now all the sudden u want me back? it doesnt work like that
Shawna Noneya: the grass isnt greener, i know this but u dont see me crawling back to u,but u see now and u want me back. i should have been a queen 2 u long ago
Shawna Noneya: i may have not been june cleaver but i loved u with all my heart and there was nothing i wouldnt have done 4 u. i dont know if we can ever have that again
Shawna Noneya: my body was never good enuff, i wasnt skinny or pretty like u wanted me, why did u marry me if u prefered skinny girls, i could have been happy w/sum1 else
Shawna Noneya: now i'm all fucked up in the head,broken, probably not fit for ne 1 else to love me the way i deserve 2 be loved, and u keep coming back bcuz u see how it is
Shawna Noneya: i deserve better, i need better than what i got, i want 2 b the one that makes his heart skip a beat, i want 2 b on his mind and in his heart
Shawna Noneya: when he sees me at my worst, he sees nuthin but beauty as i would love a man so much that i couldnt see any flaws. I want someone real who feels me.
Shawna Noneya: u only want me back bcuz Lacy was flaky, it is not like u are overcome with grief and u really love me, u just dont want to be alone. I want to be everything
The next guy to waltz in my life is going to find himself a new woman. I am not going to let past hurts dictate a current relationship. I lived in fear for so long because I never really let go and heal from them. I realize now that I needed to cleanse my soul so I could love someone else the way they deserved to be loved. Yes, they may see a few broken pieces of me but hopefully they will be strong enough to love me regardless. I'm work in progress here. And the lucky guy who gets me will find himself with someone who will love him forever, who will make him a priority and would do anything to be there for him. Now, that's real talk. <3
