pain and despair is all i know
inside and out
many scars you cannot see
the others may fade with time
the scars on my soul will remain for all time
as raw and new as when i first got them
seeming to never heal or fade
the mental pain and despair
grows deeper and darker
when i stop and listen to myself
all i hear is the echo of my screams
i want the pain to end
i fight the urge to pick up the knife
wanting, needing the feel of the blade
sliding the blade across my skin
feeling its bite as it slices
the warmth of the blood flowing
gushing down my arms in rivers of red
the pain washed away by the blood
the despair floating away on the river of red
watching the river of red
as i grow light headed
and the pain floats away
this time as the blackness envelops me
i feel at peace for the first time in a long time
numb to the pain and despair
stopping the flow of blood
slowly returning to myself
i look down at my arms
and where flawless skin once was
i see fresh scars
still raw and slowly oozing blood
new scars as a testimony
a testimony to the pain and despair
a testimony to life
now i sit and wait
wait for the despair, the blackness
wait for the pain to return
it always does
it may be a week, a month, or a year
but return it will
