Since that day
I have spent
a lot of time
and effort
chasing people away
and keeping my heart
well guarded
I don't feel like
I deserve to be loved.
I am damaged,
broken, unworthy
I want to feel normal,
like I can do what normal people do.
As it happened,
I refused to feel
Blocked it out and
now the numbness is in my head
I run like hell because
I know it’s only a matter
of time before the flashbacks set in.
I haven't let a man hold
me since it happened.
I can't.
I don't trust anyone.
I hate that;
it is a terrible
lonely feeling.
Most people think
I am a cold and distant,
but I'm not.
I'm just a little girl
who is afraid of the dark
and of being alone.
I don't think I'll ever be fixed,
I don't think I will ever heal,
I don't know if I will ever love
or be loved or if I even have
the capacity.
What I do know is that
I want my freedom back,
I want my heart back
and I want my life back.
He might not remember but I won’t forget...
