Let me share with you what I was doing 1 year ago today...a year ago I was sitting in the Room of my wuelas at Addelson Hospice...I was holding her hand and talking to her. Take into mind she had not opened her eyes or communicated with us in days. I sat there and talked to her, I knew she could hear me. Wuela could always hear when we talked to her it was a gift for her lol...
As I sat there talking to her I notice the flem coming up..I ran to tell my mom who went and told the nurse...The nurse told us words we didnt want to hear "her time is coming"..I felt my heart stop beating...so The nurse cleaned her up and we went back into the room. We sat there for a while until her breaths started coming faster and shorter. We called my wuelo back to the hopsice because the nurse said it would be anytime now...Her whole body was so cold already...
As we gathered around her bed and watched her struggle..I was crying those silent tears that no one ever realizes that they are crying. My wuelo walked through the door and went straight to my grandmas side and said "Im here with you forever babe"...
Never did I think words could make me cry harder..My wuela actually opened her eyes and looked at him and smiled...Then her last breath came...She took that last breath while I stood there holding onto one of her ankles...I felt myself stop breathing and actually wail with grief...My wuela was gone and there was nothing I could do..I had 20 fabulous years with her and yet it wasnt enough...
Wuela,
Im sorry that sometimes I wasnt the best grandaughter for you. Im sorry that I dissapointed you when I got my first tattoo and all my piercings. But most of all I am sorry that I will never have a chance to tell you I love you again to your face. Im sorry that I will never feel your arms around me or feel you give me a kiss on my cheeks. Im sorry that I will never hear you whistle Sabora Mi or that I will never hear you call me precious love again. Im also sorry that you will never be able to sit on the couch and share a pepsi with me. But im more sorry that you wont be there to help me get married on the day I get married or that you will never meet my future husband, nor that you will be in the delivery room with me when I have my first baby. Yes you will be there in spirit but not physically....I miss you more than life itself wuela. I miss your wisdom your love and your feistyness.Here is your song that you love...I hope that you are resting peacefully and I hope that we will be together again eventually.
Tanto tiempo disfrutamos de este amor
nuestras almas se acercaron tanto así
que yo guardo tu sabor pero tú llevas también
sabor a mí.
Si negaras mi presencia en tu vivir
bastaría con abrazarte y conversar
tanta vida yo te di que por fuerza llevas ya
sabor a mí.
No pretendo ser tu dueño
No soy nada yo no tengo vanidad
De mi vida doy lo bueno
soy tan pobre que otra cosa puedo dar.
Pasarán más de mil años muchos más
Yo no sé si tenga amor la eternidad
pero allá como aquí en la boca llevarás
sabor a mí.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS WUELA! YOUR ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
