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AKA DOGG947's blog: "Yur Sex Drive"

created on 01/11/2007  |  http://fubar.com/yur-sex-drive/b43238
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
If all of the eight desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one)! Trust me...this is very accurate. Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you. After taking this dessert personality test, send this to others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject box above. ALSO, SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU. DON'T FORGET TO CHANGE YOUR DESSERT CHOICE IN THE SUBJECT BOX BEFORE YOU FORWARD IT. Here are your choices: 1. Angel Food Cake 2. Brownies 3. Lemon Meringue Pie 4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing 5. Strawberry Short Cake 6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing 7. Ice Cream 8. Carrot Cake No, you can't change your mind once y ou scroll down, so think carefully what your choice will be. OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what the researchers say about you... SCROLL DOWN---No Cheating 1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times. 2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal. 3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent caregiver and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, you set your own style because you do your own thing. You shine when it comes to helping others and have many friends. 4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life. 5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. You can be very emotional at times but a true person in every way. You like to do things for yourself and help others learn about themselves. 6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing -- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh. 7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance. 8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends. You were meant to lead and teach others. A wonderful role model.
Relax your mind and humble your heart to focus on Christ. Allow God to be the only person on your mind while you read this prayer. If we can take the time to read long jokes, stories, etc., we should give the same respect to this prayer. Friends, who pray together, stay together. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God. And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love, and joy in their homes, that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.. This is my prayer. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check k for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground, which arent as good but easy.So the apples at the the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along who are brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Women are so much more subtle about flirting clues that men need to really pay attention. Ladies, men are not used to women flirting with them. An overwhelming majority of men said they would just love it if a woman would talk to them first or at least express a larger clue that you were interested in checking them out. #1: Repeated contact...at least three separate verbal or non-verbal clues need to be given. Why? The first time he`s going to look around and make sure it`s really him that you are flirting with. The second, he knows it`s him and he gets flushed and pleased. (At this point he`ll probably walk by you and at least smile..he`s checking you out a little more.) The third time you can express interest-by introducing yourself, or commenting on his tie, or waving from across the room. Now he knows you are open to meeting and it will be a cinch. #2: Whisper...it always gets their attention. Ask them if you can tell them a secret...Then whisper in their ear: `I just love your tie...can I buy it from you when you are done with it?` #3: Don`t sit with other women...men don`t want you to reject them in front of an audience. If you do go out with a friend...separate every so often or take a breather from talking...men do not want to risk your disapproval by interrupting you. (You have already missed out on a lot of quality polite men who didn`t want to interrupt.) #4: Treat men gently...If someone you are not interested in approaches you and flirts ...be nice.... All the other men are watching to see what you do. If you laugh after he leaves or show visual disapproval, you are cutting your chances on anyone else approaching you. Try shaking his hand and saying something like: `It was so nice of you to approach me...what`s your name? Tom? Tom, I know how hard it is to meet people...I might have a girlfriend who would be interested in you.` #5: IF he acts like a JERK! Be polite but firm. Hand him a copy of the men`s version of `Flirting with Greatness` and ask him to go practice on someone else. Firmly say that `lines` with sexual overtones are not only not attractive to you but to most other women in the world. #6: Use the Buddy system. Walk through a group of men and have someone watch to see who`s checking you out. #7: Become More Irresistible! Show a little leg....wear higher heels...the redder the lipstick the more available and noticeable you will be. Arch your back a little as you sit up tall and cross your legs high. Wear earrings that are interesting enough to make someone comment on them. #8: Look over your shoulder...and smile at him. This asymmetrical position is always a signal you are interested. #9: Give him a look all over from head to toe - nod with approval and then flash him your most winning smile. #10: Remember that flirting is a way of connecting from the heart and acknowledging someone. Be generous! Have Fun!
LOUISVILLE (WAVE) -- A Louisville icon has died. His name was Charlie Wheeler, but everyone knows him as "Tattoo Charlie." The 56-year-old came down with a sudden illness Friday and died at Jewish Hospital. Charlie Wheeler was more than a tattoo artist. He was a shriner for Kosair. He appeared as Santa Claus at the Home of the Innocents, worked with Camp Quality in Leitchfield which serves children with cancer and he started Toys for Tots drives in Hardin and Bullitt Counties. Visitation for Wheeler will be held at Owen Funeral Home on Dixie Highway this weekend. Funeral services are set for Monday at 2 p.m.
BEWARE OF PAPER IN THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE NEW WAY TO DO CAR JACKINGS (NOT A JOKE) Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating... You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into Reverse. When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the car jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car. And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car. So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised! BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.... If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.
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