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NEWS FLASH 11:00 AM: A team of scientists came across an ancient manuscript in a recent excavation of a grave in Gaza. The manuscript has been translated and reads as follows:
(SOURCE: DJ MIZZUNDERSTOOD):
In the Beginning there was The
Plan.
And then came the
Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without
Form.
And the Plan was completely without
Substance.
And The Darkness was upon the face of
The Workers.
And they Spoke among Themselves, Saying,
"It is a Crock of
Shit, And it
Stinkith."
And The Workers went unto their
Supervisors and Sayeth,
"It is a Pail of Dung and none may Abide
the Odor Thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their
Managers and Sayeth unto
them, "It is a Container of Excrement
and It is very strong,
Such that None may Abide by
It."
And the Managers went unto their
Directors and Sayeth, "It
is a Vessel of Fertilizer, and None may
Abide Its Strength."
And the Directors spoke amongst
Themselves, Saying One
to Another, "It contains That Which Aids
Plant Growth,
and It is Very
Strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice
Presidents and Sayeth
unto Them,
"It promotes Growth and is Very
Powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto the
President and Sayeth
unto Him, "This New Plan will actively
promote the Growth
and Efficiency of This Company, and
These Areas in Particular."
And The President looked upon The Plan
And Saw that It Was Good.
And The Plan Became
Policy.
This is how Shit
Happens.
NEWS FLASH 11:30 AM: While exploring the vast cave system below the Blitzed Out Lounge researchers have discovered anew species of... well... something... the following are actual photographs of these strange and amazing little creatures.
(PHOTOS COURTESY OF DANI)
