SoMe Goddamn One's blog: "NEWS FLASH!"

COULD IT BE? IS IT POSSIBLE? COULD IT BE... GONE? LOUISIANA- Today, in a small suburban home in South Louisiana, a priceless artifact has gone missing. This peice of history known simply as "the helmet" was found sitting on the ground the day after halloween of 2004... no one knows where it came from but many beleive it was a gift from the gods. It is said to grant the wearer the ability to say things that make no sense and still not feel stupid. Many fear that if this sacred relic of yore was to slip into the wrong hands, it could be the end of the world as we know it. NEWSFLASH 1:16 AM: This just in- a group of homicidal terrorist ferrets claimed to have taken the helmet and are holding it hostage! NEWSFLASH 10:38 pm: Still no sign of the helmet. Authorities fear that if it is not returned soon reality might start to fall to pieces.

Friday and still no sign of the helmet, things are begining to look bad. NEWSFLASH 10:20 PM: The ferrets have made their list of demands for the safe return of the helmet. It is as follows: squeek squeeksqueek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeeksqueek squeek squeeksqueeksqueek squeeksqueeksqueek squeek squeek squeek squeeksqueek squeeksqueek squeeksqueek squeeksqueeksqueeksqueek squeek sincerely, squeek we will update you as soon as we get a translation... we dont speak ferret.

GOOD MORNING from NEWSFLASH! and the llamas NEWSFLASH 10:43 AM: If you played that once you have no sense of humor. If you played it twice, I like you. If you played that 3 times get a life. If you played it 4+ times consider investing in a helmet and changing your name to "speshul ed". NEWSFLASH 10:52 AM: Brekfast cereals have been discovered to be alien mind control devices. NEWSFLASH 12:48 PM: Thats right... its official... today has been deemed international llama day.

MYSTICAL FANTASIES is starting a fund raiser. If you would care to donate to the "help us fix the door" fund raiser... wire... me... money... NEWSFLASH 1:36 AM: It was worth a try. NEWSFLASH 1:38 AM: It appears that fubar has been invaded by cows. NWSFALSH 1:40 AM: EAT MOR CHIKIN! NEWSFLASH 1:56 AM: NEWSFLASH is back, after having been dragged out of my chair and beaten by a pack of evil cows. We would like to thank PUNKIE for her immediate action and heroic efforts. By staying touned to NEWSFLASH, PUNKIE was able to ward off the cows and avert certain doom. Thank you PUNKIE, you have saved the day. And how can you the common joe become a crime fighting purveyor of justice? Simple! Stay tuned to NEWSFLASH.

WE BE BACK! NEWSFLASH 5:17: Evel Knievel passed away today at the age of 69. We here at NEWSFLASH! would like to send our condolences to his friends and family. Jumping 20 tractor trailers must be easier with wings and a halo.

Goat sex has been found good for your health... who would have thought

NEWSFLASH has decides to pack everything up into the back of a bright red VW microbus with shovels and rakes and other impliments of destruction and roam. We're going on a road trip, a journey to far away places in order to bring YOU , the faithful viewer, news from all over the entire FUBAR-verse. So be on the look out for NEWSFLASH in a lounge near you! NEWSFLASH 12:56 AM: We began our trip in BLOOD BATH where local scientists have found a species of man eating plant. We would have photos... but mike, the camera man, was eaten. NEWSFLASH 1:06 AM: our journy then took us to SNAKE EYES RADIO ... there was talk of assgoblins, butt nachos, evil monkeys, and refried beans. We kept driving and tried not to make eye contact for fear of being eaten.

Recently a test was preformed on spiders. Here are the results: ...and here are the same results on humans: ... thus nothing has been proven.

We here at NEWSFLASH! would like to thank Dani for reminding me to get off my lazy ass and make a NEWSFLASH!. Thank you Dani. We would also like to award Dani with the random thought of the week: "vanila snowcones rock". Thank you Dani for this nugget of joy. NEWSFLASH 11:51 PM: I know... Im cutting it close here

oooo.... spiders!!! NEWS FLASH 3:25 PM: SPIDER ADVISORY: While preforming tests on venomous spiders, 2 jars of live spiders were dropped, releasing 7 brown recluses and 5 southern black widows. The spiders are still at large in the lounge. Lounge residents are advised to keep their hands out of holes and crevices. If bitten seek immediate medical help or "kiss yo sorry ass goodbye!" NEWS FLASH 3:38 PM: Lounge management would like to assure the public that this situation will soon be under control... just as soon as I find the rest of my spiders. NEWS FLASH 3:40 PM: spider count is 10... bite count is 1 (Dani)... antivenom... uh... still looking... NEWS FLASH 4:00 PM: spider count down to 8 loose... the good news: we found the antivenom and the bite count still only at ... OWCHIES!!!... uh... 2 ... medic? NEWS FLASH 4:31 PM: spider count is down to 6... wait... no... thats a dust bunny...