talldirtyblonde's blog: "This Is Me"

On a tour to Flordia, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore. A helpless man, wearing a maize and blue Michigan jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing scarlet and gray Ohio State jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the sharks side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding semiconsciouse Wolverine from the water. Then usling long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it, too, into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions." he told them. "I heard that there were some bitter hatreds between Wolverines and Buckeyes, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct connect with God and has access all of God's wisdom." "Well" said the harpooner, "He may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing! Is the bait holding up or do we need another one?"

GOING FISHING A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in Northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn, and the wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out and get some sun. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat... He pulls up along the side of the woman says; "Good morning ma'am, what are you doing?" "Reading a book" she replies (thinking, isn't it obvious) "You are in a restricted fishing area" he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes but you have all the equiptment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assult" says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you" says the warden. "That's true, but you have all the equiptment. For all I know you can start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am" and he left.... MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads, it's likely she can also think!

Three women..one german, one japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The german woman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager", she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm". A few minutes later, a phone rang. The japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. So she stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The hillbilly woman finally said, "Well will you look at that, I'm gettin' a fax."

The admission is free, so pay at the door. Pull up a seat and sit on the floor. I'll tell you a story never heard of before.... One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead men started to fight. Back to back they faced eachother, drawed their swords and shot one another. The deaf police man heard the shots, and flew out the door to put it to a stop. And if you don't believe me, ask the blind man...he saw it all.

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