tessuh's blog: "the low down."

"the loudest nights were the only ones clear", she said as the provoking thoughts seep right through you on a day as dull as could be. those are the days honesty comes a little too late. you'll never see yourself in her pretty porcelain face. intertwined. illusion. dismembered. awkward stares paired with awkward slumbers. if she could do this again she'd start backwards right to the end. this room is worse than hell and you're more appealing than the devil himself. rewind. pause. escape. "the darkest nights were the only ones with color", she said, fingers slipping off her martini glass & onto the side door exit. no more fingers laced with shy embrace. lets skip the part where we learn each others names. rewind. pause. escape. if she could do it again she'd start backwards right to the end. only a handful of fake smiles to cover up a handful of regrets. pick up the shattered remains of her pretty porcelain face... and she's still a beautiful mistake.

she's begging for a photoshoot with the devil. lips curve; you're hanging off every word. disillusionment takes its toll on her pretty eyes, her pretty thighs, her pumping heart that won't give up. it's a craving for disaster, but they always liked her strewn across the floor. always quick to get a fix of charming wit. she's dressed in renegade and smells of expensive perfume laced with lust. when walking turns to running and running turns to regret; all that's left is a mad dash to escape the paradox she likes to call reality. what's to fake? orgasms & good taste? how about some restraint? another shot of vodka to take the edge off; dignity seems miles away. it's getting serious now. another fix; this time cashed out in naivety and missed opportunity. it's getting deeper now. we're all magnificent liars, anyways. one last dance before she breaks, in those jet black stiletto's used to tear through burning hearts. with a mouth like quicksand and a face like chloroform, it's best to shoot for second best.. she's been on a photoshoot with the devil. bruised & broken from the fistfight, she's strewn across the floor... just the way they like her.

its funny how. one person can have such a giant effect on you and the way you feel from day to day. someone can put you so high up in the clouds, and make you feel invincible; or they can shove you right down in the dirt. its rediculous, its fucking retarded; that the price you have to pay for letting somone in your heart is that they OWN it. they own your emotions and THEY get to pick and choose how you feel at any given moment. they might not mean to, and they might regret it, but that feeling is now etched in your brain. it doesn't just go away after a good nights slumber. you will ALWAYS remember that soap sud fight in the laundry room, that grade 7 pact to be best friends forever, the day they told you they loved you, the day they told you you weren't as special as you once thought, nooks and late night conversations... every single memory, good or bad, is driven right to the depths of your heart.. a little token of what that person has helped you become. because believe it or not, every single person is a puppeteer, and with those words and memories and actions they pull your soul every which way, and mold you into the person you are. -tessa wensel.

i'm just a girl in the end of it all, thats what you get nothing more nothing less i'm just really good at pretending. you've dreamed a thousand dreams.. [one seems] to stick in your mind "guster - two points for honesty"

EVERYTHING YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT TESSA (AJ). 10 steps to Tessa (in a nut shell....... pistachio). - I am a straight up g. - I order eggs benedict without eggs. I like the eggs on the side with toast plz. - Stella. Corona. Keiths. Canadian. In that order. - LLAMAS. yupp. and emus. - The world could not live berry juice. - Goals & ambition are my forte. - Homo milk is gross - Why is everything I'm typing about beverage? - Music for thought. - DAVID BOWIE, BITCH!! - laughing till your tummy hurts, its what i live for. - mistake - serial joe - MOVINGG I THINK!?! - aj should stand for applejuice - okay this is random and not helpful at all. therefore.. i am done.. kidding. i am not done. i have only just begun. (lolskillz) (YOU ASKED FOR IT.. ;[) My name is Tess AJ Wensel. I hate my name, so I get people to call me Tessa. In grade three I got to be queen for a day and Morgan Zukes my grade 1, 2 and 3 crush was king for a day at the same time and we got to sit in a chariot with a crown and septor and cape. My parents split up when I was like, 6. My parents are both not what you call professional or highclass. My mom, well she's just my mom, she may not have the best antics for ways to do things, but she lets me have freedom and do things without being a spazcase, which makes me not wanna do horrible thigns anyways if that makes sense. I used to have a parrot named Katora that my cousins taught how to swear. I wear my heart on my sleeve to friends, mostly since Lyndsey has effed off with her boyfriend JeanYves, because she's my best best friend and to recuperate I kind of make new friends really quick. I usually wreck good things because I'm paranoid, but I have at least half a good reason for that *thats my secret :D) I want to build a muscle car. I over analyze, everything. I'm majorly undecisive, I will spend 7 minutes at 7-11 trying to figure out what to get. I hate failing, and when people are mad at me, and can't just let an argument be and resolve itself with time, which usually causes more problems if there already is one. I wanted to be a Bio/English teacher before I chanted my mind a thousand times, to a forensic analyst. I WANT TO BE IN GREECE. I had a guinea pig named Tiffany. Who names an animal Tiffany, anyways? I didn't have imaginary friends. I like to be weird. I really want to model. I speak my mind as much as my mind will let me. I have two tattoos one is a butterfly which means nothing and one is a paw print which means Pookie which is a random nickname because a Pookie is a 'special or baby bear' in some random language. Sometimes I put words in places they dont belong just because I think it sounds right. Maybe that means I shouldnt invest in being an English teacher. I love to paint. I speak French, but I suck at it since I havent been in school for a while. I LOVE to cook but never have wierd ingredients to make aweosme things. Boy cartoons were way better than girl ones, aka TMNT and Gargoyles. I played volleyball in school, dont laugh. I like weird food like avocadoes. I listen to every kind of music. Jelly bellys are my favorite, especially pear. I have the most obscure style since I go from being randomly emo one day to dressed up another to something another day, I cant just pick one. Summer. I hate to smile (GAP!). I constantly bite my nails, when I'm stressed even more so. Gross. I am continuing. I fucked up my collarbone at a family reunion falling..rather flying off a minimotorbike. How cool is that, yo. I also fell off the school fence in grade 6 and broke twisted and jammed my elbow. Those are the only two things ive broken. I have a scar on my knee from falling off my bike in a dress when i was 7 onto gravel. When i was 7 i got hit by a car, and i flew. The guy was testing his breaks down a side street and was going so fast he went right through the industrial fence at the end of the road that fenced off the rail road tracks. I probably should have died but i had a couple bruises and scrapes and twists, and thats it. Therefore I think I am maybe god. Cuz that would be sweet. I move my arms when i play videogames. I have watched the movie labyrinth WELL over 200 times. I grew up listening to black sabbath and tom petty with my dad, and eric clapton and sheryl crow with my mom. Eminem is my favorite rapper :$. I can rap every song from every album. I like to read. And calvin & hobbes comics = best. I suck at holding grudges. I miss highschool, mine was little tiny and so much fun. Elite, really. The little things matter way more than the big things to me. like.. inside jokes. I have super bad nightmares that make me not want to sleep. I'm terrrified of what happens when you die, because i don't know what that is. With that said i obviously dont know what i believe about religion. Im also scared shitless of clowns, sharks, elevators. spiders. The ewoks adventure is another one of my favorite little kid movies. I don't like to let my guard down because people like to mess with me :). I say pasghetti, vegebles, sammich. Cheesecake pwns my heart. I miss people mass amounts when i dont see them, mving to lethbridge was probably a bad idea, because now i need to see everyone on a reg. basis so i make trips as much as I can to Leth/Edmonton. I love spontanaeity and adventures. Random out of nowhere missions and plans. It keeps me sane. Im ticklish almost everywhere. I have a green stuffed animal dog named snuggles, but he's in Edmonton in a sad and lonely box waiting to be shipped to me. I can not sing wroth shit, its actually a horrible experience to your ears. Im addicted to the TLC channel. Its sad. I have snowflakes in my eyes aka white flecks in the blue, that look liek snowflakes. I love to debate things, and reading into secret meanings of books/movies etc. Damn english class. My most likely to for grad was most likely to get married in a mini skirt. Fancy that. Holyfuck. I feel violated. There's me in a nutshell. Gross, everyone run away now! :P