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I'm going to do a lot of rambling here, so bear with me if you dare.  I'm a lot shaken, feel like I should be scared, and deeply disappointed in myself.

I had a drs appt. for my best four-legged friend, my cat cole.  He is having problems with an ear and it looks like we have to aputate it.  It's either that or put him down.  It's just his ear, hes only 8, and he's my best friend.  I would do anything for him.  The closest vet surgeon is a little over an hour away from me, and my appt. just so happens to be on a day we have a winter weather advisory.

I was on the on ramp curving into the merge lane, there was an orange semi next to me.  I tapped my brakes to merge behind him, and I hit a patch of ice.

My back tires went left, and I over-corrected by wretching the steering wheel left and lost control.  I slammed into a semi trailer at a 45 degree angle at 40 mph.  It smashed my drivers side window in and pinched it in such a way as to buckle in my windshield.  I hit the left side to the back of my head on the bottom corner of the semi trailer (sounds impossible I know) then riccochet back right into the right guard rail.  I bounced off that back into the right lane when i realized I couldn't see out the windshield.  I pulled the car over to the shoulder, steering by leaning out my broken window.

I was spitting out glass from my mouth, it was all over my face, my hair, everywhere.

But heres the fucked up part, I walked away.  I have a large bruise on my left inner thigh where the steering wheel got shoved into it, bruises on my back and shoulder from the headrest and the seatbelt.  Oh, and my left forearm and wrist got pretty chewed up by the glass.  And of course my head is killing me.

It puts life in perspective.  Had I been going even a little bit faster I would have been decapited.  I remeber watching the truck get closer and closer and I just rember thinking, 'there is no way that truck is going to hit us, dude.'  And yes I thought 'dude'.

But it did.  And right now I don't know how to feel and or react to it.  Right now I've resorted to xanax and beer, and that seems to be helping for the moment.

My car is totalled.

Now what do I do?

How am I alive?

And I'm going to be sore as hell tomorrow...

I might even cry.

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