Skys's blog: "Sucks When You Can't Have What You Want"

why do people go in and out of your life like it has no bearing on your heart and mind? like it doesnt affect you one way or another.... or even if they do know....their emotions and thoughts seem to mean so much more than yours? at least in their minds.....like how they feel is all that matters?....like your feelings dont matter as much as theirs ....or that what u think and feel is less than relevant....cuz all they care about is what they want.....how do u disappear on someone...come back...make them fall again...then leave...again...and then come back....again????....how is someones heart a toy like that? even when there are good reasons for it all....if you love someone for real...and its a true love....dont u stick around...no matter how hard it gets?????dont u do all u can just for 5 min with that person???? or just to shoot a quick note that says im thinkin about u and missing u???maybe Dusty is right and im just a big softie....but does that mean that my heart should b on the chopping block all the time?????.....right now I have 4 women claiming to love me....claiming that im amazing....that im this and that.....but two of them cant bring themselves to make me the most important people in their lives....and the other two....well I guess I fucked all that up enough already....but my question is this....why am I so easy to love...but so hard to be with?????

AIGHT SO HERE IT IS..TIME TO RAMBLE AGAIN...FIRST LET ME SAY....FUCKIN WOMEN ARE SHOT....WHEN U DONT WANT SOMEONE...WHY NOT JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT....CUZ LETS BE REAL....WHEN WE REALLY WANT SOMETHING....WE GO AFTER IT....NOT FIGHT IT....OR TRY AND DENY IT....NOT RUN THE OTHER WAY WHEN THAT CLOSENESS YOU CLAIM TO WANT BECOMES TOO MUCH....WHY SEE WHAT THERE IS IF YOU ARE JUST GONNA TURN YOUR BACK ON IT ANYWAY....WHATS THE FUCKIN POINT????? HOW CAN U LOOK AT SOMETHING THAT IS PERFECT FOR YOU....THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE EVER WANTED....THAT OFFERS YOU THEMSELVES AND THEIR HEART....THAT OFFERS TO BE ALL YOU DESERVE AND WANT IN LIFE....AND JUST TURN AWAY????? ITS CUZ WOMEN ARE SHOT....THE ISSUES PLAGUING THE MIND ALWAYS MORE THAN THE FEELINGS IN THEIR HEART....THEIR HEART ALWAYS DIVIDED....THEN THERE IS THAT GREAT LINE...ITS NOT U ITS ME....BULLSHIT.....THE ONE YOU REALLY WANT AND LOVE...DONT YOU PUT THEM ABOVE WHAT YOU WANT AND FEEL....ALL THEY WANT AND NEED IS ALL THAT MATTERS....MAYBE IM THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES IT THAT WAY....MAYBE THATS WHY I HEAR THAT LINE SO MUCH....SOMETHING INHERENTLY WRONG MUST EXIST IN ME....THE TWO PEOPLE I HAVE MET IN THIS WORLD THAT COULD BE CONSIDERED SOULMATES....AND EVEN SAY IT THEMSELVES JUST TURN AWAY....SO THATS WHAT U DO WHEN U FIND THAT ONE PERSON WHO JUST GETS U? THATS WHAT U DO WHEN U R FACED WITH ALL U EVER WANTED OR NEEDED IN SOMEONE????? FUCK NO....THATS WHAT U DO WHEN U R SAVING YOURSELF AND TRYING TO SPARE SOMEONE ELSES FEELINGS....THEN I ASK U THOUGH...WHAT KIND OF IDIOT DOES THAT MAKE ME??? THAT ID SIT THERE AND LET SOMEONE I WANT AND LOVE TELL ME HOW MESSED UP THEY ARE OVER SOMEONE ELSE???THAT ID SIT THERE AND LET SOMEONE TELL ME I LOVE U BUT I CANT GIVE U WHAT U WANT.....TO LET SOMEONE DO AND SAY THE VERY THINGS THEY COMPLAIN ABOUT OTHERS DOING AND SAYING TO THEM....HOW DO I SIT THERE AND LET EVERYTHING I KNOW I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE TELL ME THAT I DESERVE BETTER....I NEVER UNDERSTOOD BEFORE WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE....ITS SUCKS....HOW CAN WE THINK SO MUCH OF OURSELVES TO PRESUME TO KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR SOMEONE ELSE??? ITS CUZ IT ISNT WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU....ITS THAT PERSON DOING WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM...IN A WAY THAT LEAVES THEIR CONCIENSE CLEAR...PLAIN AND SIMPLE IF I WAS SO AMAZING...NOTHING WOULD KEEP THEM FROM ME....SO WHILE ITS SUPPOSEDLY NOT ABOUT ME....IM OBVIOUSLY LACKING SOMETHING...MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE PUSHED....MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE MADE HER FACE ME AND ALL SHE FEELS...OR DOESNT....BUT I JUST CANT BEG SOMEONE TO LOVE ME THE WAY I DO THEM....CUZ THAT IS ONE THING I DO DESERVE BETTER THAN....

It's so hard to sit back while you figure it all out, when nothing else makes sense we do beyond any doubt. However you are unsure of yourself and of life at the moment, so all I can do is be here with a sweet word or tender comment. To show you that I'm not going anywhere, and that if you put your love and trust and me you will be no worse for the wear. I never want to rush into something to try and make it real, it either is or isn't and that is just the deal. I'll fight for love and the one I care for, but true love shouldn't be a fight nor a war. It should be a blessing and a rare gift from God, where its just peace and comfortable with no need for a facade. There will be times when we drive each other insane, but ill always try to make you smile with the silly and inane. I know I'm not perfect or the prettiest girl you may have in mind, but I am real, caring, sensitive, and kind. I could be to you all that you never knew you wanted, in my mind and in my heart your hopes and fears will all be accounted. I know no other way to get out how I feel, so I write it down let it go and then turn my heart to steel. It's hard to want someone who doesn't want you too, guess I'll just hope and pray and pine away just like I always do.