Tattoo's blog: "Life"

"Stew"

"Welcome back from the commercial break, brought to you by our sponsor, Assurance Adult Overnight Underwear, whose motto is, So fuckin' stealthy, you'll forget you're even wearin'em!" Cough, bullshit, cough. "Ok, boys & girls, today on "Kevin's Home Cookin' Network", Imma teach y'uns how to make my age-old classic stick-to-your-ribs "Shit Storm Stew", ok? How 'bout it? Mmmmmmm! It do sound utterly de-double-licious, now don't it? Yep it do! Here we go, hang on tight! In a large bowl, mix one peeled micro budget, a giant bag of wild neuropathy, one cup of sun-dried diabetes, four sticks of multiple sclerosis, and one cup of powdered cancer. Stir vigorously. Pour into a large cookin' pot, or smoke some pot, whichever is easier, you know, whatever, and set aside. In a skillet, saute one pound of trimmed & cubed bad luck, cook over medium-high heat, scraping the pan with a wooden spoon to loosen any browned bits. Disgustin'. Absolutely disgustin'. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a slow simmer, skimming broth from time to time, until the bad luck is tender to your likin'. When done, fold into other mixture, and add approx. two gallons of red wine (To you, silly, not the food! Ewww!), then place in a pre-heated oven. Cover & cook at 5,000 degrees for a tad over 16 years, Remove from oven, and allow to cool. You're rarin' to chow, right now, huh? Well, hold yer horses & wait jus' a sec, we're 'bout there. Garnish with fresh from the gutter strokes. Season with very low soduim, pain, loneliness, and really anything else you have layin' around, to taste. Ladle among four bowls & serve. Serves one, for four days. If it's a bit dry, try addin' some of your leftover broth, or, as I'm often told, just fuckin' deal with it! Ha! There'ya go! Easy, ain't it? It'll be scrumpt-dilly-ious! Bon appetit & salud! So, 'til next week, I'm your host, Kevin, sayin' good night & God bless. Y'all take care. Remember, when life gives'ya the big ol' screw, ya might as well jus' relax & enjoy it! Goodnight, ev'rybody! Cameras, fade to black. Cut the mics." Somebody just shoot me now, please...