3G GoofyGeekyGoddess Teh Hawtness HeartB's blog: "Sounding off."

Are You Emotionally Abused? Questions for Women in Heterosexual Relationships Many women find that emotional abuse is difficult to name or even talk about. They often wonder if it is serious because you cannot see it, like bruises or broken bones. Emotionally abused women state that one of the biggest problems they face is that others seldom take it seriously. These questions will help you identify if you are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on what you can do about it. What is your relationship like? Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don't know how to describe it? Do you feel that your partner controls your life? Do you feel that your partner does not value your thoughts or feelings? Will your partner do anything to win an argument, such as put you down, threaten or intimidate you? Does your partner get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else? Are you accused of having affairs? Do you feel that you cannot do anything right in your partner's eyes? Do you get mixed messages, such as the reason you are abused is because he loves you? Are you told that no one else would want you, or that you are lucky your partner takes care of you? Do you have to account for every moment of your time? When you try to talk to your partner about problems, are you called names such as bitch or nag? Are you prevented from going to work or school, or from learning English? Does your partner threaten to withdraw your sponsorship or send you back to your country of origin? If you wish to spend money, does your partner make you account for every penny, or say you don't deserve anything? After an argument, does your partner insist that you have sex as a way to make up? Does he use the children against you in arguments? Does your partner threaten that you will never see the children again if you leave? Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong? How are you affected? Are you unable or afraid to make decisions for yourself? Do you do anything you can to please your partner or not upset him? Do you make excuses for your partner's behaviour? Are you forgetful, confused or unable to concentrate? Have you noticed changes in your eating, sleeping, alcohol or drug use? Have you lost interest or energy to do the things you used to? Do you feel sick, anxious, tired or depressed a lot of the time? Have you lost contact with your friends, family or neighbours? Have you lost self-confidence and feel afraid that you could not make it alone? What can you do about it? Realize that emotional abuse is a serious problem and you can get help. Recognize that emotional abuse is as bad or worse than physical abuse. Take your own safety and the safety of your children seriously. Know that emotional abuse can lead to physical violence or death. Know that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour. Find people to talk to that can support you. Consider going for counselling. Do not give up if community professionals are not helpful. Keep looking for Someone that will listen to you and take emotional abuse seriously. Recognize that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any form of abuse may take time. Trust yourself and your own experiences. Believe in your own strengths. Remember that you are your own best source of knowledge and strength, and that you already have the tools you need to survive. Where can you turn to? Women's help lines are for you too. Find the number in the front of your phone book. Shelters do accept women who are emotionally abused and have not been physically abused. The help line can refer you to the one nearest you. Use the Bell Relay Service if they do not have a TTY. If you have a disability, ask where there is an accessible shelter in your area. If you have been threatened with harm or death, or are being stalked (followed and harassed) by your partner or ex-partner, you can call the police. Dial 911, or if you are in a rural area, find out the emergency number. If you are considering leaving, especially if you have children, see a lawyer. In Ontario you can call, 1-800-268-8326, for referrals to a lawyer and be entitled to a free half-hour visit. Abused women are at the greatest risk of being harmed or killed when they leave. Ensure that you have a safety plan in place.

My uncle killed himself when I was two years old. 26 years later, our family has still not healed over the loss of him. You can't give up even when you feel like God is peeing on you. You have to get back up on your feet and realize your own strength lies within. You are not a product of the experiences you have endured. You are a product of the attitude you choose. Life is bigger than your sorrows. Life is so much bigger than all that goes wrong. There will be times where you want to give up and give in. I get it. I went through it. Oh... and you don't die. Your soul lives on forever... and when you commit suicide you're either stuck on Earth as a ghost or reincarnated to relearn your lifes lessons that your soul was intended to learn in the lifetime you chose to end. The point of life is to live, love and learn. Grow from your "mistakes" for they add character. You can't gain wisdom from inexperience.

How to Spot an Abusive Relationship # Are you frightened of your partner's temper? # Are you afraid to disagree with him/her? # Do you apologize to yourself and others for your partner's behavior or when you are treated badly? # Have you ever been frightened by your partner's violence towards you? # Have you been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you by your partner? # Have you been forced to have sex? # Have you been afraid to say no to sex or to anything else? # Do you have to justify everything you do, every place you go, and every person you see to avoid your partner's temper? # Have you repeatedly been wrongly accused of flirting or having sex with others? # Does your partner constantly ridicule, criticize, or insult you? # Does your partner become violent when he/she drinks or uses drugs? # Has your partner ever threatened to kill himself/herself if you leave? # Has your partner ever threatened to hurt or kill you or someone close to you? # Does your partner spy on you? # Is your partner extremely jealous and possessive? An abuser will probably tell you that jealousy is a sign of love and concern. In fact, jealousy has nothing to do with love; it's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. # Does your partner call you constantly to check up on you? # Has your partner reported being physically or psychologically abused as a child? Was his/her mother abused? A family history of abuse is a significant predictor for a person to become an abuser as an adult. # Does your partner become angry when you don't listen to his/her advice? # Is your partner angry when you are a little late coming home from an appointment or shopping? # Does your partner control all the money? # Do you have to ask permission to leave the house? # Does your partner say that his/her controlling behavior is motivated by his/her concern for your safety or the need to make good decisions. Rather than expressing concern for you, controlling behavior shows a deep lack of respect for you. It fulfills his/her need to dominate, rather than fulfill your needs. # Did your partner "sweep you off your feet?" # Did your partner proclaim his/her love for you before the two of you had spent enough time together to get to know each other? # Did your partner pressure you to commit to the relationship before you felt ready to do so? # Were you made to feel guilty by your partner if you wanted to slow down your involvement with him/her? Many abused people dated or knew their abusers for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together. # Is being with your family and friends "more trouble than it's worth" because of your partner's jealousy? # Does he/she constantly criticize the people who support you or try to undermine your trust in them? An abusive person will try to cut the victim off from all resources, especially friends and family. An abuser knows that the more contact a victim has with others, the more likely he/she is to defy the abuser or to leave. # Does your partner blame you for his/her mistakes? # Does your partner feel life is unfair and someone is out to get him/her? # Does your partner find it difficult to take responsibility for his/her actions? Abusive people do not hold themselves accountable for the abuse they commit, and rarely take responsibility for their actions. After being blamed and criticized for everything he/she does, the victim will eventually internalize these false messages and begin to believe that he/she is responsible for ending the abuse that is committed against him/her. # Does your partner perceive slight setbacks as personal attacks? # Is your partner easily insulted? # Does your partner lose his/her temper frequently and more easily than seems normal? Abusers typically have low self-esteem. Their self-confidence may be so fragile that even constructive criticism is seen as a threat. # Does your partner seem insensitive to the pain and suffering of animals? # Does your partner expect children to do things beyond their ability? # Does your partner like to throw you down and/or hold you down during sex? # Does your partner want to act out fantasies during sex in which you are helpless? # Does your partner ever try to manipulate you into having sex when you are not in the mood by using sulking or anger? Abusers enjoy having power over their partners, and sex is one way in which they can feel in control. Many abusers find the idea of rape exciting. Rape, like abuse, is about power over another person. # Does your partner say things that are cruel and hurtful? # Does your partner degrade you or put you down? # Does your partner tell you that you are stupid, lazy or clumsy? The abuser wants his/her partner to be dependent on him/her. Abusers will try to undermine their partner's self-confidence by putting him/her down, making fun of him/her, demeaning him/her, embarrassing him/her in public, and/or calling him/her names. # Does your partner expect you to serve him/her? # If you are female: Does your partner say that you must obey him in all things because you are a woman? Abusive men sometimes see women as inferior to men and unable to function as a whole person without a relationship. They accept this reasoning as an excuse to abuse and dominate their partners. # Are you confused by your abuser's "sudden" changes in mood? # Is your partner extremely moody and prone to unexpected explosions of anger? Many victims think that their abuser has some special mental problem because one minute he/she is nice, and the next he/she is exploding. Moodiness is typical of batterers, and it is related to other characteristics of abusers, such as hypersensitivity. # Has your abuser admitted to hitting partners in the past? He/She may say that they "made him do it." # Does someone else have a restraining order against your partner? # Have you heard from relatives or an ex-spouse/partner that your partner is abusive? Situational circumstances do not make a person an abuser. A batterer is likely to beat any partner he/she is with if the relationship lasts long enough for the violence to begin. # Does your partner destroy objects you value? # Does he beat the table with his fists or throw objects around or near you? The abuser may use this behavior to punish his partner, but it is also intended to frighten the victim into submission. The abuser feels that he has the "right" to punish or frighten his/her partner. # Does your partner ever physically restrain you from leaving a room, push you or shove you? # Does he ever hold you down or hold you against the wall saying something like "You are going to listen to me"? This is not only a form of control, it is an indication that your partner is willing to use force to maintain control over you. In abusive relationships, violence frequently escalates. It may begin with a push or a slap, but it can become much more violent! THESE ARE NOT DEFINITE SIGNS THAT YOUR PARTNER IS AN ABUSER, ONLY THAT HE/SHE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME ONE.

Men: Walk all over me and I'll be the woman that will massage your feet to ease the ache. It's not because I'm weak. I'm far from weak. The problem is I'm too sweet. I was the girl in school that gave the poor kids her crayons, markers, gum or whatever they wanted because I wanted THEM to be happy. I was not as concerned about myself. I'm still not as concerned about myself as I should be. I'm realizing as time goes on that I deserve a better life than I have allowed myself to live. I need to be alone for now. I'm off to do some thinking. Don't call me dumb..... because I'm not. Don't call me a weak... because I'm not. I'm sweet and I am loving and I am compassionate. I am nothing less because of the situation I am faced with. Just because I am intuitive, does not mean I am not human and I don't have lessons to learn in life. I'm just like all of you. I am just like ALL of you. Get that in your heads. Resilience is something I know far too much about given my life story. Don't you dare judge me.

Dear You, I want to cut your throat. I want you to feel like I did when you raped me of my innocence. I remember how hard it was to breathe after you had your way with me, time and time again. Sometimes it's still difficult for me to breathe. I was a child when it began. I remember how I made my dolls do what you did to me as a plea for help. Nobody caught on. Nobody saw what I was trying to scream. People asked me if I was being abused, but I protected you out of fear. You told me a million times over you'd kill my roots of life if I told. I never did. I kept silent to myself and turned the anger within. I turned to several forms of self destruction. I tried numerous times, from the age of four and on, to take my own life. Remember when I was in the middle of that busy street by our house? I was hoping a car would hit me so I could disappear. I felt dirty. I felt like I was nothing. I felt like I deserved what happened to me. What I never realized is that *I* was not dirty. *I* was not oblivion. *I* did not deserve a damn thing that happened to me. You didn't either. I know the cycle of abuse is like a candle. You light it and it starts a fire. The fire goes out, but it can always be lit up again. You chose to light it up. You could have chosen to let that candle be. You could have chosen to let me be happy. You could have chosen to let me live a life as normal as possible. Instead, you took your anger and you burned my innocence to it's death. Have you no remorse? I hate how you look at me now without the will to apologize. I am centering myself now in the winds that blow outside. I am vowing to myself that I will not light that candle. I will never be to my child as you were to me. Instead she will grow up loved. She will keep her innocence. She will know that her father will NEVER be anything less than a man. A real man would never do his child the harm you did me. I vow to myself I will marry a man who is full of love, kindness and patience alike. You will be watched like a hawk when you are around my daughter. You will never be left alone with her. People may say I am your daughter, but I am not. I am the daughter of the Earth. I forgive you for your sins, but I do not allow you to hurt me ever again. I remain cordial with you because I am strong and family oriented. You have been forgiven by others as well. I see you as a lost soul. I do not seek to find you as I once had hoped I could. I wanted so badly to find you behind all the pain, but I am realizing now that you will not let go. I choose to make peace with the past. What happened taught me a lot about life and about myself. I choose to look at all the pain as being my reason for being stronger. You do not know my strength. You do not know my strength. You do not know my strength, but I do. I know I am too beautiful to stay wounded, so painting myself wings I am with these words. I open myself up to the world, knowing there are many like me who need be heard. With No Regrets, Me

My reaction to a MUMM using the word "w!gg*r" to describe a man who was abusing a three year old child, asking if it was right for a distant relative to interfere and take the children away from the parents: She did the right thing, OBVIOUSLY. As for the racial slur used in this MUMM... I just have to ask why it was used considering that rednecks can be just as lowly as can the higher class of society? There is no specific color, religion or class involved when it comes to abuse. Racial slurs need not be used to describe a person even if it is "out of anger". You're better than that. That's all I have to say. I often wonder why, even if it is out of anger, we choose to use such hateful words to describe our brothers and sisters. We are all children of the Earth. I can't bring myself to tolerate such disgusting words being used to bring eachother down, when we should be bringing eachother up... standing equally to make this world a better place for all of us. I have this dream over and over... where one day I will awaken knowing my nephew will never be looked down on because he is black. I have this dream where I won't be looked at as being white or Native. I have this dream that everybody will be looked at as being human. We will see the love in eachother's eyes and love one another as we are: human. It is not because of our race, religion or class that we succeed. I know it's a dream, but it's my dream. I have hope. I have hope that things will turn for the better and there will no longer be reason to cry... only reason for all of us to smile at one another and love one another equally. If you read this and you're racist... please be kind enough to remove yourself from my friends list. I don't have tolerance for you... just like you don't have tolerance for diversity... no matter how beautiful it is. You are missing out on the beauty of many people because of your hatred. You are denying yourself a peace within that only those who strive for peace know. I've experienced things that, if I were a weaker spirit, I may have been judgemental let alone hateful toward others. However, I chose resilience over giving in to the hate. I believe you can change if you want to, but the problem is your attitude might be that the world needs to change before YOU change. That is NOT how it goes. The attitude that would serve you best in mind, body and spirit would be this: If I change for the better, I can help change the world for the better. Every person makes a difference, big or small. We are change. We decide who we become.

Mother Earth was formed long before humans were created. She lived peacefully without us. We were welcomed to live in her womb. With that invitation, she did not ask us to bring her gifts. Instead, she gave US gifts. The gifts of air, water, and food are only a few to name. Have we said thank you with our polluting her? Have we said thank you with our neglecting her pleas for us to treat her with respect? She has no voice we can hear. She speaks to us through her actions. Global warming is not her rage. Global warming is a result of the tears she cries because of her frustration with the human race. She will thrive when we are gone, reinventing herself for new experiences without us. We, as humans, need to do the responsible thing and make changes for the better. We ought to show our love and respect for our Mother Earth. Without her, we were nothing. Without her, we ARE nothing. I was inspired to write this after watching How The Earth Was Made on The History Channel yesterday. I say we all quit making excuses for the way we treat Mother Earth before she kicks our asses to the curb and says "You had your chance. There's no boot camp for idiots." What do you say? :P

This is my response to a MUMM where the woman asked if she should restrict herself from practicing her bisexuality because her ex hubby/husband (wtf?) didn't want her to be bisexual. WHAT.EV.ER. Read on: You are who you are. Don't let anybody stand in the way of you being true to yourself as long as you are not hurting yourself or anybody else. Far too often people are willing to sacrifice their own happiness with who they are for society. I personally view that as self destruction when you surrender to becoming the person people want you to be, not who you ARE. That's what I think.

My response to a MUMM where a girl said she tried to commit suicide. I don't believe antidepressants are always the answer. Here are my words of wisdom (I just by chance found these quotations today when I was hanging out at the bookstore)..... "Depression is the surface manifestation of a deep, multilayered dynamic. It is painful beyond what those who have not experienced it can imagine, yet it covers for even more experiences that need to be unearthed and healed." "If you use the times of relief that anti-depressants provide to look deeply into your life, they will be an aid to you. If you use them to return to the same unexamined life that created your depression, they will be a crutch that you will find increasingly undependable." "Depression, like every painful experience, brings your attention to what needs to be changed in you, by you." "Every personality in the Earth school has lessons to learn and gifts to give." -Gary Zukav, author of Soul To Soul. I share with you these quotations because I want you to realize that yes they may have diagnosed you as being Manic Depressive or Bipolar, but perhaps your depression is stemming from something that is actually pressing you. As a wise woman said to me once: Depression is when something is pressing you. You have the power to overcome it. It is not ALWAYS a permanent thing hon. Maybe it is a chemical imbalance which you were born with and you are to learn how to become a stronger person because of it. I myself was misdiagnosed as being Bipolar and was put on Depakote for it. The truth of the matter is I had a lot pressing me that I was afraid to face. You have to challenge yourself, but with support of your loved ones, to look deeper within yourself. I wish you nothing but the best. "If you want a rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."

"For more than a century, the regulation of U.S. food and drugs has seen its share of challenges -- from the filthy slaughterhouses of Upton Sinclair’s Chicago to the tainted Chinese-made blood thinner that recently killed at least 19 people. The regulatory shortcomings on display in 1937, when ethylene glycol killed 105 antibiotic consumers, were still glaring six decades later, when Vioxx users started having heart attacks. But throughout the history of the Food and Drug Administration, and its precursor agencies, U.S. consumers could always bring the manufacturer of a faulty product to court. Now, with the FDA woefully underfunded in its key role of assuring the safety and effectiveness of foods and drugs, and with political ideologues in the agency pushing industry prerogatives, the White House and the courts may be on the verge of stripping Americans of the right to sue. This would take away the last option for those seeking protection from --or recourse for -- faulty products. Last month, in a 8-1 decision, the Supreme Court ruled that most people using medical devices do not have the right to sue manufacturers. In October, the court is expected to take up a more far-reaching case, Levine V. Wyeth, that could stop most lawsuits involving drugs. The court will examine the legality of a lawsuit preemption quietly written into an innocuous FDA labeling law in 2006. The author was Daniel Troy, then the FDA counsel, now an industry lobbyist. With major cuts in food and drug safety inspections, the take-home message, increasingly, is caveat emptor. Watch out for yourself, because the government won't. “Consumers are getting the worst of both worlds,” says David C. Vladeck, a Georgetown Law School professor. “They don’t get the protection the FDA promises because the agency is incapable these days of truly providing a safeguard for the drugs we get...." www.blacklistednews.com NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT WHY THIS PISSES ME OFF: I developed Drug Induced Lupus from taking Depakote for several years. I could not walk or talk and my heart stopped numerous times. I almost died from it. It was all because I was misdiagnosed as being Bipolar when I never was. I was also on Wellbutrin which caused me to lose my long and short term memories both. I've slowly regained some of each, but there's no saying I will ever regain what was stolen from me. I know everything happens for a reason, but the drug companies should give a damn about people instead of leaving them in the dark to fend for themselves, wondering where they've gone wrong. They should pay. They should definitely pay. I can't fathom how many people go through what I experienced with medications without knowing what is ailing them so. I was fortunate enough to have a strong intuition regarding the matter and Divine intervention. I truly feel sorry for those who are exposed to such horrible experiences as mine. There is no excuse for the drug companies getting away with murder. Karma will have it's way with them, I am sure. I'm sticking to alternative medicine and eating well now. Screw medications.