SEDUCTIVE MISTRESS xFAFOx's blog: "sands of time"

the universe keeps resounding the same message over and over .  here at the gate to my own personal hell i can hear the universe resoundng the ssame messsge.  let go of the past . let go of all the hurt. ACCEPT THE LOVE THAT IS GIVEN to you. over and over the messsge is clear., to let go of the past . to understand not everyone who says they love me will not hurt me , to be even more honest than i am. to truely open my h eart all the way,. can i t hough? can i open my heart all the way to him. what if he hurts me as so many have before.  how can i trust him when i cant even trust myselfl trust myself not to chase him away with my love. chase him away with the craziness that is my lifel, I do love him. i dont care if the whole world knows. here the universe keeps calling  out to me with the same message over and over. im a coward. the past always haunts me. yet i love him so. from his goofyness to his seriousness. i can talk with him for hours and yet it seems i barely talked with him at all.  standing before the gates of my o wn hell there are so  many what ifs that plague my mind. what if im not good enough. what if my h ealth issues are to much,. so many what ifs. how can i possible be good enough for this man,. i feel so damaged and lost so often. do i follow my h eart and allow ,yself to give my all to him? do i follow my brain that says im a fool fo rlovong again? whic is the right answer which is the wrong. i want to follow my heart 

here in the still recesses of the nght my mind brings to light many toughts . Only here here in thr still dark cover of night will my fears come to light. in the day i can hide and deny these fears from myseolf. the sun always chases rhe shadows of  doubt from my mind with its first rays of light,

you say you kniow what it is like to have your emotions toyed  with an played. i have heard you say with your own mouth that you woud never play with my emotions or hurt me. in the light of day i have no doubt. yet in the stillness of the night fears come to light. if ony there were fears of you hurting me that came to light.  yet here in the dark feers of hurting you come to light. so in the nght all of these fears coe to light also here in the night i can not hide from the feelings i have for you. they  k eep the wheels of my mind rater taxedall i have to do is picture smiling face and all of the fears are chased away even if for only a moment.once the suns has shown its first rays of light the fears arwe once GAIN CHASED AWAY  till the night. 

as the sun starts to shine once again im free of th enoght. able to be fearless . then the things that bring a sm ile to my lips are h= there waITING  for me. always its your smiling face and the twinkle in your eyes.

i dont know what tomorrow or next week or next year hold i do kniw th=at i lo9ve you now and ill love  you tomorrow. ill love you as log as you love me. ill be here as long as you need. ill love yo as long as you wANT

with a twinkle in y eyes i reach out to touch your sleeping face. gently whispering in your ear i love you. hoping my scent lingers in the air so that once you awake you will think of me and miss me. before i fade away back to where i belong. i sit and stare at  your sleeping form. wanting to stroke your cheek as you sleep. i resist for fear of waking you. as im here in another form 

as twilight decends i sit in this self imposed prison. waiting for the first beams of moonlight t appear. i know once the moons beautiful light appears once again i will be lost in the land of slumber. in the land of slumber i can see your smiling face AND HEAR youtr sweet laughter. i dont know how much longer i will be imprisoned here. imprisioned by my own pain, saddness and destruction. i cant help but t sigh as my longinh for you grows stronger with eacvh passing day. yet i must stay imprisoned until i can once again smile from within.

silence is all around . i call out is anyone there not a sound is heard in reply. always left by the wayside,forgotten forever more. it never changes. i pour my heart and soul into the world. the world takes everything then tosses me aside to the silence. i call out over and over again, yet its always the same never a reply to be heard

I have sat here for what seems a thousand years crying a thousand tears. waiting in time for my love to come. ever wondering if the day will come. a thousand years with a thousand fears never know if i will know loves sweet kiss. a thousand years a thousand tears waiting for loves sweet touch. a thousand years with a thousand fears watching the world go by as i wait.will i have to wait for athousand more years with a thousand more tears to fill passions kiss upon my lips. for a thousand years iv dreamed your sweet face