Sexymama's blog: "....RANTS AND SUCH...."

Ok so it has been a really long time since I have posted a blog anywhere, in fear that it will be read by people who shouldn't read it and twisted around to further help them. I have been going through court and all kinds of crazy shit to keep my son. It's been the worst 2 years of my life. I feel like I am on a never-ending rollercoaster. I am right at the point where you think you're gonna puke...but can't. My ex thinks he can basically black-mail me into giving in and giving up my rights as a mother. Well I am going to fight tooth and nail to keep my son. I know I am not a perfect mom, but honestly who is? Even the snooty bitches in huge houses who can buy anything and everything for their kids are far from perfect. My point is I know I am a good mom. My kids are well taken care of and get just about anything they could ever want (when I have the money to get it). They are clothed, bathed, housed, fed and loved. We don't live in filth, our house is moderately clean like just about anyone else's. I say moderately because how clean could you possibly get a house to be with kids in it 24/7?? The main focus now with my ex is that my bf is on parole. Ok yeah not a good thing, however he's making an attempt at changing his life around for the better. He wasn't locked up for CSC or anything sexual related with anyone. It was stupid kid shit that caught up with him. But all my ex looks at is the fact that he was in prison. It doesnt help that my bf smokes pot, but I don't and my kids have never been exposed to it EVER and I plan on keeping it that way as long as I possibly can. Did I metion my ex has a job where he is gone for months at a time, yet is suing me for custody? Makes no sense to me but to the effed up Rogers City Judge and court it doesnt seem to matter at all...I dont get it. My ex is a good dad, when he is there. He is an alcoholic though, along with the rest of his family which is who they want to take care of a 3 year old? Compared to me who does not drink or do any drugs of ay sort? WTF? What is wrong with this picture here? I seem to be the only one who thinks that because Rogers City is so small and everybody knows everybody and my ex's family KNOWS the JUDGE handling our case, that there is a little bit of bias. It was initially brought up first day in court last summer but it was thrown out because the judge felt it necessary to tell us all he didnt know them well enough to play favorites. My lawyer figured just like we all did that we would not be back in court after that so we did not appeal (money was a big part also) So here we are over a year later and countless court dates with no resolution. Last year we made what we thought to be the final decision in custody which was basically the best for everyone. When my sons dad was home he got to see him the whole time he was off and when he went back I got him back. With four weeks spread out for my sons gradparents. I thought that was more than fair..but then the new bf. Everything went to hell once the ex for some reason did a background check on him...I still have no clue why he did. Anyway...I am done ranting...I will go on forever if I dont stop now. Thanks for reading...if anyone in fact did read this.

Ok for those of you who know each person in this situation, PLEASE, keep your mouths shut to them.....so......... Ok so.....I have been told by Eric and David that I am crazy because I am not acting like myself. So who the fuck am I acting like?? I am still me, I have always been me. Yes I know that the first two weeks after the breakup I was a hateful bitch, but I had every right to be, the only thing unfair then was that I was taking my frustration out on my kids. Which thankfully my best friend brought to my attention and I stopped. So..my "best friend" says I am now a whore because I was talking with a guy he didn't like, which I have not spoken to since. I am now talking to a guy who is such a fantastic person and great to talk to. HE ACTUALLY LISTENS WHEN I TALK..OMG....HOW GREAT IS THAT!!?!? GUYS TAKE NOTE: girls like it when you listen and not the "uh huh..yeah...uh huh" shit....This guy REALLY listens to me....And for that I am so very lucky to have met him. But guess what...I am a whore for talking to him..... Since when is talking a sexual act??? Anyway, so not only am I a whore I am a bad mother, all because my "bff" thinks he knows more about parenting than I do. Ok I get that I am not perfect, but with the situation this person grew up in I am FAR more perfect than that BITCH of a mother. I don't beat my kids, I don't neglect them, they are loved and get things they need and a lot of the time if I have the money they get things they want. I do my best. My kids are 6 and 2 tell me you wouldn't get frustrated and irritable....I have a break from the oldest but I never have a break from the youngest...THANK GOD his father is going on vacation soon..I will have a break, which is so very much needed. Anyways, back to the subject. I have grown a bit since the break up and learned what not to do and what I should be doing. I have not yet concentrated on myself for anything, so from now on I am going to concentrate on just myself (not counting the kids...they are a given..) Yeah so what if I talk to guys OOOOhhh I am such a slut.....so what if I hang out with guys.....not every guy is gonna get a piece of ass from me ok....maybe just a few lmao....j/k.....I am entitled to talk to whom I please. I can't live the rest of my life the way that others think I should. Don't get me wrong I know there are things about me that need to change..like the fact I like being barefoot....lol..sorry only one of you will get that. I don't change things about myself unless I want to..or if I know it NEEDS to be done. There are things people have problems with but they aren't that big of a deal. I don't usually turn down advice outright..but with this situation I think I have the right to. I am being told by more than one person, that I need to do this and I need to do that....when do I get to do what I want..... So my "best friend" says as long as I am living the way I am, he will not be a part of it. He and I have been friends for 18 years and he is just willing to throw it all away. I have ALWAYS accepted everything he has done in his life..even if in my opinion it's not right, or if I just don't like it. I have always stood beside him with his choices. ALWAYS!! I love him to death, and now because he disagrees with my decisions he is just writing me off...wtf? Ok granted I didn't go to the zoo on his b-day....I was up the whole night before trying to knock out my school work so I wouldn't have to worry about it the day of his b-day party. I went to the party after the zoo at least I made it there. I apologized also, I felt horrible for not going, but I couldn't even open my eyes. He has done many many many things for me and I appreciate it all. But he also acts like I have never done for him. Like I just take and take and never give back, which is bullshit. He knows that. So Eric and David think I am nuts and that I am not dealing with my emotions...BULLSHIT! I dealt with my feelings ALL BY MYSELF for two weeks....which in that time..I did A LOT of thinking. I know that Eric and I are not going to get back together..nor do I want to...we both need to be happy and we cannot make eachother happy. I realized that in those two weeks.. So guess what....I am OVER IT! There is always going to be love for Eric..he is the father of my child, but honestly, I am much happier without him. We just weren't supposed to be together. I dont know.....I just needed to vent.....I think I am done for now......