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Ideas To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. On all your check stubs, write ' For Marijuana'
3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
4. With A Serious Face, Order a Diet Water Whenever You Go Out To Eat.
5. Sing Along At The Opera.
6. When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
7. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the parking lot, yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
8. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
9. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS
LIES...EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT YOUR MOUTH.
EMPTY WORDS ARE ALL YOU SPEAK.
UNABLE TO FACE YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND THE THINGS YOU CHOOSE TO DO.
USER...WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO TO EVERYONE WHO COMES IN CONTACT WITH YOU.
DENIAL....SOMETHING YOU LIVE IN DAILY. WHEN WILL YOU ADMIT TO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU WHO/WHAT YOU ARE?
SELF ABSORBED.....YOU SAY YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT. YET YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CALL YOUR OWN.
YOU SIT THERE AND THINK THAT EVERYTHING IS GOIN TO GO YOUR WAY EVERYTIME YET NOTHING GOES THE WAY YOU WANT. PEOPLE GET CLOSE TO YOU AND YOU HAVE TO RUN. WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF? THEY WILL SEE YOU FOR WHAT YOU REALLY ARE OR THEY WILL FIND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU? WHAT DEEP SECRETS YOU HOLD THAT YOU FEAR YOURSELF? YOUR NOT SCARED OF OTHERS YOUR SCARED OF YOURSELF. THAT ALONE IS A SHAME FOR NOT MATTER WHO YOU ARE YOU SHOULD NEVER FEAR YOURSELF FOR IF YOU DO YOU WILL JUST BE WRITTEN OFF AS NOTHING BY ALL WHO SEE THROUGH YOU!
MEXICAN WORDS!! The teacher told pepito to make sentences with his spelling words:
1.*cheese*
Maria likes me,but cheese fat.
2*mushroom*
Wen all my family gets in the car, there isnt mushroom
3*shoulder*
My friend didnt no how to make tacos so i shoulder
4*texas*
My friend always texas me fwds
5*herpes*
Me and my friend shared a piza,i got my piece and she got herpes
6*july*
Ju told me ju were goin to the store,and july to me!!julyer!!
7*rectum*
I had two cars but my wife rectum
8*chicken*
I was going to the store with my wife but chicken go by herself
9*wheelchair*
We only have one soda but its ok wheelchair
10*chicken wing* My mom plays the lottery so chicken wing
11*liver*
A bully was messing wit my sister and i told him to liver alone
12*body wash*
I wanted to go to the bar but no body wash my kids
13*budweiser
That woman over there has a nice body , budweiser face so ugly ?
*I have to poop.
*Smile for tha camera!
*Get off me, i'll do it myself!
*This is your first time.....Right?
*You're almost as good as my ex!
*When is this supposed to feel good?
*I thought YOU had tha keys to the handcuffs?
*I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a sheep home.
*Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.
*Hey! My friends were right, you ARE good!
*On second thought, let's turn off tha lights.
*I'm soberin up and you're gettin ugly!
*But everybody looks funny naked!
*Do I have to pay for this?
*No! You're too fat to be on top. You'd kill me!
*Actually, your sister likes it like this.
*What's your name again?
*Hold on, let me change tha channel.
*And Tha Winner Is.........
*It's nice being in bed with someone I don't hafta inflate.
I, the penis, request a pay raise due 2 following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work @ great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything i do.
4. I work weekends & holidays.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in dark areas w/ poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. & My work exposes me 2 disease.
Dear penis,
Ur request has been denied 4 the following reasons:
1. U don't work 8 hrs straight.
2. U work in short spurts & fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. U don't stay in your designated area, & r frequently found in other locations.
4. U don't take initiative & must be stimulated 2 start working.
5. U leave your work place messy at the end of ur shift.
6. U are unable 2 work overtime or double shifts.
7. U sometimes leave ur designated work area b4 completing the assigned task.
8. You have constantly been seen entering & exiting the work place with two suspicious bags.
Sincerly, Management
Lil Johnny walks in the bedroom and dad has mom bent over goin at it. Dad winks at Johnny and Johnny leaves. Dad thinks he better talk to Johnny. After lookin through the whole house dad finds Johnny upstairs with grandma bent over puttin it to her hard. Dad flips out. What the hell are you doin? Johnny winks and says... Not so funny when its your mom huh
Little Susie came home from school with a smile on her face & told her mom, "Frankie showed me his weenie today at the playground". Before her mom could say a word Susie went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a smile, Susies mom asked, "Really small was it?" Susie said, "No, salty." Her mom fainted.
For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father
said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford
it.' The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front
door with a suitcase. So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?' Little
Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you
telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait
because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by
myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike.
Who's guilty? Wife dreaming and shouts "quick my husband is back!" Or The husband jumping out of bed then realizes, damn! im the husband?
Mexican husband says, ''Vieja, when I die put my ashes in ur Salsa so I can tear that ass up one more time.''
