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do you know what it is like to think about you everyday to know that the past is just things that have already happened and that we all wish we can change it do you know that i would change a few things but then i wouldnt be who i am now i have made myself into something different do you know it hurts me that no one notices i have no desire to look forward to things that may happen i only wanna live day to day that each moment can be better than the last yes moments with you in them are better but not required i cant change what i was because its already happened so each moment forward is a chance for change a chance to show you and the world that i am great but with all things others must look and notice you must get past everything and go forward but that isnt what i will do for you i can only go on the journey with you and be there but yet i cant am i strong enough am i good enough does anyone see the good inside or does my past condem the future everything that i am starts this moment not the last but the last is part of who i am so what is the truth my past of the present the person who is thinking of you this moment and did so in the past or am i really just someone who came and went in reality its all up to you i am who i am this moment maybe i am the person in the past but then again maybe i am not and have learned something about who that person was and see that i am not him anymore but none of that matters what i think is only a part of the puzzle
i was thinking about this how each one of us is so different and that makes me wonder how anyone can have a relationship i find that people have too many expectations i was telling someone how my dad died and i didnt care and didnt even cry and she was like are you cold and heartless and i said no and told her alot of the shit he put me through growing up so why should i care he got what he deserved heck we all get it in the end and i was thinking should i care more about a man who had no time for us once we learned how to talk a man who never did anything for us unless it helped him somehow he never bought us anything so why should i give a shit but some people in this world think i am cold because of that who are you to judge this is why you cant love someone because its not real there is a feeling you can have for someone but why does it have to be defined as love that just adds expectations i would rather see all of you inside and out have some fun enjoy life and not worry about expectations or what other people think and know this when i say something to you i mean it ohh yes i do make stupid mistakes from time to time but that is how you learn about life and sometimes saying sorry to someone you care about is the truest form of caring there is
can you see the barriers i throw up so you cant get inside i cant have you get through the walls you cant see what lies underneath the hurt vulnerable man that cant help but feel with all my heart and love with all my soul i cant let you hurt him you dont deserve that you cant deserve that no matter what you promise its just lies just so you can have ultimate victory over my being you can never break down my walls you cant see the tears that flow you can never feel the passion i love with or the desire i have yet its hard to hide them you still seem to get inside yes so more walls go up and i keep fighting to keep you out stop trying to get inside me you dont belong there you dont deserve to be there yes this means you every single one of you
i remember a time not long ago when i was someones world when i woke up and my first thought was you and i was your first thought i remember what it was like to watch you sleep what it was like to look into your eyes and see a love and passion i had never felt before and i could see it in my own eyes and how the day would pass as i thought about you your touch your soft skin your blue eyes how the world seemed to be at my command yes those are just passing thoughts now you are long gone and i am left with the pieces of what use to be my heart but we all go through it one day your someones world the next they tell you that your arent important anymore that your love meant nothing and that fire you had inside you burns out and now with all the time that has passed i still cant find that fire
if i was on top of a mountain and screamed your name would you hear would you care if i told you that i loved you would you believe me if i could stop feeling would you let me would you care if i did what if i sent you flowers everyday would you care what if i sent you messages of love would you read them would you reply what if i went away forever would you notice what would you say if you did would you say i am being selfish or would you see that i actually love you but this is my thoughts my reality and your not a part of it and thats what i cope with each moment of each day but i dont know how so i will no longer think or feel anymore i am gonna shut down my emotions until i can deal with them again so this is how i cope do you care do you even notice am i a part of your thoughts yet you are a part of mine haunting me everyday and night but in reality i cant turn myself off so i am stuck with feelings that are a part of me but that is reality
